Spoof horoscopes - June 2015

A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Hog Huggers Horoscope Of The Millennium So Far
Marsupials Daily, Most Accurate Horoscope, March 2013
Anti Swearing League Horoscope Of The Year Special Mention For Not Cursing, July 2014
Water Slider Horoscope Of The Year 2014
'Funny Horoscope Best Read With Raspberry Jelly-Jam At Breakfast Award' From 'The Toast For Breakfast Jelly-Jam Association' 2013 (also runner up in the 'Blackcurrant Jelly-Jam' category and highly commended in both the Strawberry Jelly-Jam and Marmalade sections)

We have been availab

Find out which visage of the gold medalist/TV dad/transsexual best fits your personality.

To paraphrase the theme of Bill Clinton's 1992 underdog campaign, “It's the exorcism, stupid.”

At 35.9%, Baton Rouge's obesity rate is the highest among the nation's most populous metro areas. What do you think about this?

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) -  Just last month, the State Department warned U.S. citizens of the risks of travel to the Philippines, in particular to the Sulu Archipelago, certain regions and cities of the island of Mindanao, and the southern Sulu Sea area. U.S. citizens should continue to defer non-essential travel due to the high…

Following claims by an Islamic preacher that men who masturbate will “find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,” a Yemeni start-up called Holy Warz that sells jihadist gear has begun offering hand condoms.

"I prefer him playing a slacker with no goals and ambitions. Who is this LaBeouf?"

Kingwood, WV – Dwayne Bozeman had a lousy day at work.  By all accounts, one of his worst ever.  Dwayne fights pesky insects for a living and takes great pride in his ability to clear the world of termites, cockroaches, and ants from innocent homeowners.  The insects won, on this day, and Dwayne was none to happy about it.

Were Notorious Sex Fiends Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris the Result of Secret British Government Experiments? Top Scientist Claims Pair's Super Powers Allowed Them to Offend on Unprecedented Scale!

Network dives right into failure instead of waiting around.

No longer able to collect bulk telephone metadata, the NSA said it will revert to the old method of domestic spying by placing agents in the homes of the some 123 million households in the U.S.

Scotland are to boycott the World Cup in 2018, bringing to 4 the number of World Cups they have boycotted since 1998, according to a source with a pronounced Scottish accent.

Entangled in the sexual abuse scandal swirling around one of his 10 sons, "19 Kids and Counting" patriarch Jim Bob Duggar pointed out today that less than 6% of his children are child molesters.

"With this exciting advance from the Disney Genetic Imagineering Team, we are proud to bring Walt Disney's vision of a unique world of entertainment into the 21st century!"

Queens, NY – If anyone were going to turn the reality TV industry on its ear, it would be either Piers Morgan or 50 Cent.  Ironically, it is a partnership between the two megastars that will do just that.

HONOLULU, Hawaii (The Adobo Chronicles) - Columbia Pictures is releasing a slightly different version of the new film 'Aloha' in Oahu and the rest of the neighbor islands. It is practically the same film with a different title.  The local version of the Cameron Crowe film is titled "Haole." It stars Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Bill…

Jeremy, Sunny, and David Vitrano discuss Mayor Kip Holden's unorthodox grammar before surprise guest Jeramaine Jingles drops by.

In a surprise news conference, God announced plans to shift his climate policy for Texas and Oklahoma from crippling drought to Noah-style flooding.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - It was supposed to happen at 4 p.m. Pacific time on Thursday, May 28: an 8.8 magnitude earthquake in California, brought about by the alignment of the planets. The prediction came from Dutch Frank Hoogerbeets, the same man who predicted the recent devastating quake in Nepal. By 3:59 p.m,…

Canton, OH – These days Mitt Romney is more interested in charity boxing matches for mysterious charities than his own political gains but that doesn’t mean that politics are completely out of his blood.  While visiting some Lehman Middle School students this past Wednesday, the often described uptight and robotic former presidential candidate tooted a loud gas explosion for the soon to be eligible voters.