Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)
1978’s Chuck Norris action film “Good Guys Wear Black” will have a politically correct remake scheduled for release in two years as a holiday film. The new movie, titled “Good Guys Wear Black Fishnet Stockings,” is scheduled to being filming next summer in San Francisco, California.

Dubsdread, OH – (satireworld.com)

An Ohio woman has revealed that, “according to the records in my journal,” she was actually having sex with Brett Kavanaugh on the night Christine Blasey Ford claims he tried to rape her. Mary Jane Rottencrotch said that “I wrote everything down, I have pictures, and I can tell you where Brett has a birthmark… and Christine can’t do any of those!”

"At the risk of sounding nepotistic, there would be nobody more competent to serve at the UN than Ivanka, and nepotism would have nothing to do with it," the President remarked. "There would be absolutely no nepotism."

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
The 2008 and 2016 losing Democratic presidential candidate and corrupt Obama Administration Secretary of State (SOS) Hillary Clinton makes inventive remarks in a new interview with a noted CNN reporter! She defended her husband “Slick Willie” against the allegations of sexual misconduct that he has faced over the years.

In a harshly worded statement that left no room for interpretation, leaders of the democratic party today demanded in no uncertain terms that President Trump must not, under any circumstances, attempt to juggle chainsaws blindfolded.

SATIREWORLD EDITORIAL-

I grew up on the United States-Mexico border in El Paso, Texas. I’m also a white guy… 100%. My dad’s family comes from England and my mom’s is from England on one side and Italy on the other. Before England and Italy, I don’t know where they are from (and I am too cheap to take the DNA test they offer on TV for $69.99).

Camel Tie Ridge, Arkansas – (satireworld.com)

Farley Dickerson was elected mayor of Camel Toe Ridge, Arkansas with a whopping 95% of the vote. Camel Toe Ridge, the seat of Snatch County, is considered a pivotal “swing” city for indicating the vote in the national election.

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)
Former First Lady, Senator, Presidential Candidate, murderer, traitor, and crooked lawyer Hillary Clinton has revealed that Brett Kavanaugh sent her inappropriate emails of a sexual nature. Clinton, however, is surprisingly unable to locate the emails.

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com)

The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.

President Trump took to Twitter today to unveil the first half of a top-10 list of who he considers the country's most boring presidents. The list began as follows:

Dingleberry Falls, CT - (satireworld.com)

Family members, who have all desired to remain anonymous, have admitted that they are considering having Rosie O’Donnell fixed. “Rosie has been peeing on the furniture and gnawing on table legs and snapping at people, ” admitted one relative. “She also feels the need to bend herself into weird positions and lick her crotch in front of company. We just need to try to calm her down and get her to stop humping everyone’s legs… and the vet suggested that maybe cutting off her balls might help decrease her aggression.”

New York City, NY (satireworld.com)

As Senate Republicans press for a swift vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s nominee to the Supreme Court, Senate Democrats are investigating a new allegation of misconduct against Kavanaugh. The claim dates to the 1983-84 academic school year, when Kavanaugh was a freshman at Yale University and visited Manhattan with several friends. The offices of at least four Democratic senators have received information about the allegation, and at least two have begun investigating it.

Now that Brett Kavanaugh has been confirmed to the US Supreme Court, justices were already looking forward to the devil may care attitude and the subsequent partying they are sure he will bring.

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour. Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the LPGA tour, said that she changed her mind when the opportunity to work side by side with her sister-in-law and best friend. “I love her and cannot wait to get down and dirty with her on the tennis tour.”

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)

Actress Alyssa Milano, who has not been really relevant since starring in Charmed and Who’s the Boss, tried to reinvent her fifteen minutes of fame last week by appearing nearly topless at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings. Milano, who stated that she was there to support the female accuser (who was also seeking her fifteen minutes of fame) later admitted to just wanting to be back in the spotlight again.

Atlanta, GA (satireworld.com)

The Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) has contributed two billion dollars to Georgia Tech University to study the effects of drinking from a toilet on dogs. The research, to be conducted with several breeds of dogs over five years and in multiple locations, will examine the physical health of the canines, as long as any mental or emotional effects that they might receive. The World Health Organization (W.H.O.) has announced that they are going to match the funding and assist in the research with their own team of doctors.

City of Salisbury seeks to exploit novichok attacks to rebuild local economy. Local entrepreneurs set up 'Novichok Tours' and fake nerve agent attack experiences for tourists. New 'Novichok' perfume planned.

What is Drill Rap? Is it a new power tool based youth craze, or a sinister military parade inspired dance movement? UK media commentators ridiculed for ignorance of musical genre they are blaming for current wave of London youth violence.

I’m back on Medium! I’m running two journals currently… Enjoy! Give ’em a follow, and please do share anything that catches your eye! Libertarian Third Camp: Preliminary Notes By analogy with the Socialist Third Camp, the Libertarian Third Camp will…Read more New Medium Journal: Tyler’s Army! ›

There are at least two sides to a story. The client will think their version is the only true story. Don’t waste time convincing them of the truth.