Check Please!
A new case study shows that squeezing into skinny jeans may make you look fat. The Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry reported on Tuesday that doctors should take note and relay the information to their patients. The urgent message came after a woman in her mid-30s wearing skinny jeans took a look at herself in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at her.
North Dakota has long expressed fears that South Dakota has not decommissioned all the missile silos it was supposed to in the 1980s and 1990s. North Carolina, in turn, suspects South Carolina of widespread industrial espionage in its high-tech Research Triangle Park, an area near Duke University where several leading biotech firms reside.
ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles®) - During an interview this week with Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush, FOX news commentator Megyn Kelly declared she was an Independent, having voted for both Democrats and Republicans. During a phone interview with Glenn Beck, CNN anchor Don Lemon admitted he was a conservative. Today, both news cable networks said…
The U.S. Treasury is scrapping its plan to replace Alexander Hamilton’s visage with that of a woman’s. Instead, Hamilton will simply be given hair extensions and a slight makeover.
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA (The Nil Admirari): Today, the South Carolina legislature banned the Confederate flag from state government in response to last week's racially motivated shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church that killed nine black churchgoers. Governor Nikki Haley praised the move, but cautioned it involved compromising with the flag's supporters who demanded all homes and businesses in South Carolina hang a visible portrait of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
Seattle, WA – Another NBA season is over with the draft quickly approaching. New draft picks means new hope for cities with NBA teams. “Everyone is excited about the NBA games coming back to their cities.  All we have left is our shitty WNBA team,” says Superfan Paul Gainer.
Dan Boyer of Tempe, Arizona took his 40,000th crap this week.
The Twittersphere blew up while fans watched Kaitlyn Bristowe, this season's Bachelorette, take hopeful future husband Nick Viall to her room for the night. But Viall, who was a disliked contestant on Season 10 of the show, seems to already have his eyes on another prize.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): The United States announced today is was putting "great effort" into "being more stupid than Russia is crazy" by risking war with Russia over Ukraine. President Obama said his administration would continue sending American military forces to NATO members in Eastern Europe so long as Russia continued to deploy more troops on its border with Ukraine.
As the nation debates the immorality of the Confederate flag, a Southern activist group is taking it upon themselves to remind people of who they were over 150 years ago. After news broke about changing the $10 bill to feature a woman, Southern activist group Dern Tootin' started an online petition to change the face of the $50 from Ulysses S. Grant to Robert E. Lee.
"I've trained my dogs to run when they hear violins playing too. Can't be too careful these days."
Putting the Catholic Church's money where the pope's mouth is, the Vatican is installing iconographic windmills following a papal encyclical calling for urgent action on climate change.
Jindal vetoed a chance to prove he still has a shred of decency when he struck down a provision prohibiting State Police from paying for his security detail during campaign events.
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles ® )  - The City and County of San Francisco is trying its best to rid itself of the reputation of being one of the places in the U.S. with the most expensive rent, what with the monthly apartment rent averaging in excess of $4,000. As more and more high-rise condominiums…
The discovery was made when Germany called round one afternoon.
Grand Junction, CO – Karla Clumperton was extremely excited to travel back to Colorado to visit her family.  You see, she moved to New Mexico a year earlier and missed her mother, father, and siblings very much.  She went over to her brother’s house to see his family and her adorable nephews.
THE HAGUE (The Barbed Wire) - The latest power rankings are out for the world of terrorism and there is a new sheriff in town. For the first time in the organization's history, terror group ISIS has garnered the top spot, unseating perennial favorite Al-Qaeda.
"Yea, the bear hasn't quite got the thumbs up thing down yet huh?"
The same men who posit they are much more capable and courageous leaders have gone from running for president to running for cover from the glaring truth.

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