After transcripts went public from a 2005 deposition that shows Bill Cosby admitting to using quaalude on women so he could have sex with them, his PR team announced today that he plans to use the publicity to promote his new movie, "Quaalude to a Kiss."

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) announced today he wanted Jesus Christ to be the official animal of the United States instead of the bald eagle. His position quickly split the Republican Party into two camps, and the topic has already started to overshadow other issues on the campaign trail like the economy, social policy, and foreign policy.

"That's probably why you never see a cat with a six pack." Kent Rugby, Motivator

While Trump seems obsessed with golden calves, he apparently has no regard for sacred cows, even the most esteemed Gipper.

My marriage to my fugly beast of a wife is ruined, all because the Supreme Court ruled same-sex marriage is legal.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - “The media was consumed with stories about Americans have to be on the lookout for ISIS attacks and terror attack expected and, oooh, shark attacks, but I will bet you by the end of the weekend more Americans will have been killed by Mexicans than by ISIS or…

Black people have agreed to expel Don Lemon from the black race due to his stupidity and his habit of driving people mad with his opinions.

ATHENS, GREECE (The Nil Admirari): Early Tuesday morning, Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras challenged German Chancellor Angela Merkel to a high-stakes game of Russian roulette in Greece's latest plan to deal with its massive debt. Tsipras announced that if he lost Greece will accept a German-sponsored plan to resolve the debt crisis, but if Merkel lost Germany must support forgiving all of Greece's debts.

SURF CITY, NC (The Barbed Wire) - Marine biologists are saying that the local shark population are "jumping the shark" in their attempt to bolster ratings for The Discovery Channel's Shark Week television show which started this week. "Jumping the shark" is a term used to describe some gimmick used as an attempt to keep viewer's attention.

GUAYAQUIL, Equador (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Pope Francis starts his 7-day trip to three countries in South America, with a clear message to Donald Trump. The Roman Catholic Pontiff urged the countries of Ecuador, Bolivia and Paraguay to boycott the Miss Universe pageant over owner Trump's disparaging remarks about Mexican immigrants to the U.S. The real…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, President Barack Obama signed an executive order outlawing all forms of Christianity in the United States. Executive Order 60666 closes all Christian churches and seizes all Christian property, especially guns.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has suggested that the recent spate of shark attacks off U.S. beaches is linked to increasing radicalization of disaffected young sharks.

"On balance, I would say it is much less annoying than slow honking." Jessie Krufts, Scientist

In a referendum asking whether they wanted to kick the can down the road or to kick the can a long way down the road, the Greek people voted instead to kick the can over the wall. The government now seems likely to demand a never-ending supply of further, increasingly large, cans for them to continue to kick over the wall.

Washington – Being the great buddies that they are, President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden recently took some time together to watch their beloved Washington Nationals play some baseball.  Given morbidly boring nature of the game of baseball, the two had some time to chat about things other than baseball.  

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): The Pentagon announced today a new Lockheed Martin F-35 Joint Strike Fighter had lost over a dozen dogfights to a 1917 Sopwith Camel biplane. The June 18th engagements showed the World War I-era Sopwith Camel exhibited "superior maneuverability and fighting aptitude" compared to its F-35 opponent.

If they want to vote YES in the Greek referendum, Greeks, some as old as 107, have been told they must vote 'NAI', which sounds just like 'NAH', according to English speakers.

NEW YORK, New York ( The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If you have been diagnosed with hypertension, or you simply experience an occasional elevation of your blood pressure, there's good news (or bad, depending on how you look at it). Johns Hopkins University neuroscientist Dr. Solomon H. Snyder was able to prove in extensive research that…

Worried Greek voters have only a few hours left to work out what the hell their 74 word referendum question actually means. Nearly ten million citizens are so confused by the wording of the question that they are unsure whether to vote Yes, No, or simply eat their ballot paper and follow it with an ouzo chaser.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - The fourth of July would have been a perfect day to welcome the 51st state of the United States, but it seems that may have to wait for yet another year. A U.S. territory, Puerto Rico, and a former U.S. colony, the Philippines, are the top contenders to become the latest…