ALBANY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the New York State Board of Elections confirmed reports the name of Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont had disappeared from the state's Democratic primary ballot. The rival presidential campaign of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton assured New York Democrats and Sanders supporters it was working closely with the elections board to fix the situation in time for the state's April 19th primary election.

The Romans had an expression for it . . . "it" being a foul, snot-flinging, food-showing, ass-kicking mood that envelops a person for no reason. The expression was In lectulo surgens sinistram: He got up on the wrong side of the bed. (When Roman women were in a foul mood, it was assumed they were in rag, an expression that doesn't need translating.)

Romper!, a western grey kangaroo, was elected Prime Minister of Australia last night in the latest of a series of stunning right-wing political upsets to rock the Western World.

“Let’s face it: Angie and I have so much in common.”

"If I did that my bedtime coco would go everywhere. I suppose I could put it down but there doesn't seem to be a cabinet or anything and I don't like putting it on the floor because I'd then kick it over in the night. Hmmm." Jessie Krufts, Coco Supperer

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In a rare show of unity and non-partisanship, Philippine Senators unanimously approved a resolution demanding that the U.S. government immediately release all prisoners from Guantanamo Bay. As of latest available information resulting from a Google search, about 40 detainees remain at the U.S.-leased detention center in Cuba.  Many of…

"This administration is about transparency, and that's what this is all about," Sanders Huckabee, wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled shoes, remarked. "The President has nothing to hide."

Women in the conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia are well on their way to enjoying the same rights as their male counterparts when it comes to hot new tech trends.

Ten year-old Kyle Fitzgerald of Brea, California was the only one of his friends to miss out on twenty dollars and free ice cream Saturday after his overly cynical nature caused him to misinterpret the generous overtures of a kind stranger.

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears that we will never be rid of a group og ghosts constantly trolling her over her appearance. Can the Rev help?

President Trump was elected by people expecting him to run this country like he ran his businesses. Spoiler alert: He built his empire with Barnum-esque razzle-dazzle.

Alex Green, 32, was involved in a traffic collision a week ago that left him fighting for his life. His brain is so damaged that all he can say is ‘laptop’.

When the Blessed Virgin Mary, who knew something about warding off penetration, appeared to Polycarp in a dream, Polycarp awoke and immediately stuffed his ears with cow dung,

Gov. Bobby Jindal has issued an executive order that attempts to prevent the resettlement of Syrian refugees in Louisiana. What do you think about this?

HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) - Asian American community leaders have joined First Amendment advocates in protesting ABC Network's announcement that it will revive the 197o's 'The Gong Show.' Created and produced by Chuck Barris, 'The Gong Show' was known for its free-wheeling style, absurdist humor, and the titular gong used by the…

The iconic muck was a staple of many streets and back alleys until as recently as the late 90s. Now though it will never been seen again as the last remaining piece of white dog shit was sucked up by a vehicular street sweeper.

"We know who the people are that came over from the House of Representatives," said the president's Deputy Patrick Philbin. "We watched them walk across the rotunda and walk in here and deliver the articles. But can anyone tells us who we are?" he asked.

According to results of a new Gallup poll released this week, a majority of respondents admit to lying or otherwise providing incorrect responses when contacted by the organization’s pollsters.

+Hurricane Matthew started hitting Florida early Friday morning with heavy rain and strong winds!
+Powerful storm claimed at least 340 lives in Caribbean earlier this week prompting concerns for Florida residents!
+The hurricane mysteriously swung around two nuclear reactors, Cape Canaveral and Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort says Hillary in morning statement to reporters!

Amid loud proclamations that her Democratic rival is all but vanquished, a beaming Hillary Clinton departed from New York on Wednesday.