"Try a bit of Elvis Presley next time, I used to scream at him when I was their age." Fred Flunkee, Hoola Hooper

Here are the stickier points and stipulations of the EU-Greek deal, otherwise known as the Euro Summit Statement on Greece.

Much ado about nothing has been made concerning the less-than-shocking revelation that “the bastard prince,” Gov. Bobby Jindal, runs the state of Louisiana by his mobile phone. In a prepared statement, Jindal’s office emphatically repudiated any suggestion that Siri was a counselor in the absent chief’s decision-making process.

LSU’s legendary sports play-by-play broadcaster is retiring in the spring, and to commemorate his last LSU football season, Jim Hawthorne plans to call attention throughout the season to arguably the most notable football call of his 35-year career as the Voice of the Tigers.

Jeremy, Sunny, and Evan Rabalais explain why women are almost universally wrong in their assessment of Forrest Gump's girlfriend.

With his presidential election an all-but-guaranteed impossibility, Bobby Jindal has launched a campaign that can only be explained as a career move aimed at reaching the home for failed Republican presidential candidates: Fox News.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Koch brothers' puppet Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R) announced his candidacy to destroy America's economy by using the same failed trickle-down economic policies he has employed in Wisconsin. Walker's announcement was largely overshadowed by the unfolding debt crisis in Greece, which Walker promised would pale in comparison to what he intended to do to the global economy.

The Labour leadership has approved plans for an automatic ‘cooling off period’ before agreeing with the Conservatives on major policy initiatives such as the two child tax credit limit.

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions.

DAMASCUS, Syria (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The U.S. appears to be losing some ground in the war on terror in Syria. CNN is reporting that ISIS is advancing on two fonts: Times New Roman and Arial Bold.  

"If you can't buy ice cream from a stranger who can you buy it from?" Jessie Krufts, Stranger

A group of elderly Nazi war criminals hiding in South America are planning to present Pope Francis with a Swastika crucifix.

Danica Patrick’s recent run in with Dale Earnhardt Jr. at the Quaker State 400 have unleashed a raging pile of female hormones.  This woman is pissed off.  Are they hormones are is it just a really angry young man with long hair and effeminate features?  Probably only a select few know that answer for sure.

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA (The Nil Admirari) - The Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) had a bake sale outside the South Carolina State House today to raise money to increase its ownership of 21st Century Fox (FOXA), which is the parent company of Fox News. At present, the KKK group owns 3% of Fox News and has a goal of reaching 5% ownership by the end of 2015.

Revealed at Comic Con in San Diego.

94 year-olds across the country are to have a minute's f*ck off today at 11:30 today in solidarity with Prince Philip, a 94 year old told this newspaper.

Athens, Greece – Meetings broke Saturday evening without an agreement on whether other nations will provide Greece its third financial bailout since 2010.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - The Donald announced today that because he was tired of listening to all the crap in the media about Hillary Clinton's inevitability in 2016, he has called the media's bluff and paid enough voters to back him - they're now all under contract to do so.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, actor and comedian Bill Cosby announced he will run for president as a Republican. The producer and star of "The Cosby Show" believed the accusations he drugged and raped 40+ women over four decades will be viewed as a positive by Republican primary voters, because "I take what I want and blame the victims after exploiting them."

BLAGNAC, France (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The Airbus A380 , a double-deck, wide-body, four-engine jet airliner manufactured by Airbus, remains the world's largest passenger airliner todate, and the airports at which it operates have upgraded facilities to accommodate it. But even this massive aircraft is not big enough to fully accommodate the increasing volume…