OKLAHOMA CITY (The Barbed Wire) - After the most recent defacing of a monument in this town, sources have revealed that the #BlackLivesMatter movement now controls most of the paint in America. The paint hoarding is causing hardships for the housing, automotive, art, and paint-sniffing communities.

MIAMI, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Miss Universe is up for sale! No, not Paulina Vega, the reigning title holder from Colombia, but Miss Universe the pageant. Republican presidential candidate and real estate mogul Donald Trump told reporters he was putting his 49% stake in the pageant on the market. Trump has been the face…

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News claimed it had obtained semi-credible evidence the Islamic State completed a base on the moon, and would attack America "imminently, and at any moment." Right-wing blogger and renowned pot stirrer Pamela Geller claimed she received a Facebook friend request from "Muhammad Moon Base 1" this morning, which she claimed contained the threat to America.

A man called Tim has been elected to something. Tim told a packed Vauxhall Corsa: ‘Hi everyone, my name’s Tim, and I am pleased most people voted for me, and if you voted for the other fella, well c'est la vie. That's politics. It is politics isn't it? Because I'm also up for being on the allotment committee.'

Following behind-the-scenes negotiations with the Greek government, an international consortium of billionaires headed by U.S. investor Warren Buffet has offered to purchase the entire country outright for $100 billion.

There were hopes that Bingo's unprecedented educational accomplishments would herald a new era of human-canine understanding, presenting society with a perspective unfettered by human conventions and limitations. But Bingo's discourses have so far not met these expectations.

SACRAMENTO (TheSkunk.org) — In the midst of the worst drought ever recorded in the history of the Golden State, thirsty residents are turning to recycled urine dispensaries to quench themselves and their families.  Businesses have sprouted up and down the state, processing human urine and bottling it for human consumption.

Thousands of librarians sacked as part of Operation Austerity are creating havoc on the streets of Britain. The incidents are modest at the outset – some aggressive tutting, an occasional stare at a noisy neighbour – but quickly escalate into a frenzy of violence and sexual excess.

Ribald” is a word seldom used now. Should you not know exactly what it means, a dictionary puts it this way: “… referring to sexual matters in an amusingly rude or irreverent way.” This is all by way of saying that Amy Schumer’s summer movie is way more than just ribald.

"It's far too close to a hotdog, almost cannibalism." Kent Rugby, Catcher

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the Fox Broadcasting Company announced a new political reality show that will force contestants to work with each other respectfully to achieve common goals. "Work Together or Die" will take place in a wing of Bellevue Hospital in New York City, and boast contestants like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles®) - In the latest poll of the 2016 Republican candidates for president, Donald Trump has climbed up to the top spot, beating Jeb Bush by more than 2%. Trump and Bush are the only ones with double digit numbers in the crowded field of GOP presidential candidates. Little do voters know that…

"I always sleep with my tongue out of my mouth. It scares the home help every time." Fred Flunkee, Good Ole Boy

64 year-old Kenny Butler, a pillar of the community in his hometown of Chesterfield, Illinois, is likely some kind of sex freak, most of his neighbors say.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - A day after its successful flyby, NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft sent back the first close-up photos of Pluto. The piano-sized spacecraft traveled nine years and three billion miles to study the dwarf planet and its five moons. (On Aug. 24, 2006, the International Astronomical Union (IAU), an organization of professional…

IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee unveiled his "Boys Will Be Boys" platform today. Huckabee's platform touts his moral superiority and excuses murder, rape, and a whole host of other crimes if a male offender claims to be a Christian, but brings down the full force of the law for women, religious minorities, and members of the LGBT community.

After decades of keeping its true identity a secret, Pluto has announced that it is not actually a planet. Pluto is a star.

What started out as jubilation over a momentous scientific achievement soon devolved into dangerous riots after NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft flew past Pluto.

Before Joshua Pinkston shows up, Jeremy and Sunny talk about a closed pizza place and barge cleaning. After he shows up, they discuss Baton Rouge's "Thugs Lawyer."

Following criticism from both Democrats and fellow Republicans about his harsh tone, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump says he will not alter his tone one bit, maintaining that what people see is the natural color of his skin.