Numerous regular contributors to Facebook and Twitter are reporting that someone has been shot today.  Social media is buzzing as sketchy details continue to pour in.  It’s unclear whether there are injuries or casualties but something has definitely been shot by a handgun.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the results of a TNA survey of Americans who self-identified as a "small-government Republican" was released, and found 81.4% of participants did not know what being a "small-government Republican" actually meant. They ignored the real-world consequences to infrastructure, food and drug safety standards, regulations for clean air and water, education, healthcare, and many other government roles they simply took for granted.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two weeks ago, CNN ran a banner headline announcing that ISIS was advancing "on two fonts." The headline meant to read "fronts." It was assumed that the error was a copyediting issue. But apparently, it was a hacking issue, and it happened yet again. CNN, while doing a live…

An expert formerly employed by the Department of Education, now thought to have gone rogue, admitted today that the government's much-vaunted 'academies' programme consists solely of calling schools by another word that means the same thing.

“Southpaw” – a film review by Gary Chew “If it makes money, it makes sense.” Sounds like a less offensive TV news soundbite from Donald Trump on a stump speech … right? Wrong. The sentence is spoken by an oleaginous fight promoter in a new film titled Southpaw.

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Nearly a billion common houseflies buzzed the nation's capital today to protest a bill that would require flies to show two forms of photo identification when purchasing fly-swatters.  The bill, authored by Sen. Patrick Miyagi (D-HI), has passed the Senate and has been sent to President Obama. Proponents of the proposed new law argue…

MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker announced today he wanted the Selective Service System to give him all of its records regarding all able-bodied men ages 18-30. Walker explained he wanted to use the list to offer incentives to registered American males to volunteer for military service before he is sworn in as president, and reinstates the draft for a war with Iran.

ATLANTA (The Barbed Wire) - It's only been a couple of days since the SyFy channel aired the latest installment in the Sharknado franchise, but already plot details about the next incarnation of the show are emerging online. The highlight of the latest episode was getting to see disgraced politician Anthony Weiner.

HONG KONG  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Grammy award-winning singer Chris Brown was finally  allowed to leave the Philippines after a three-day delay due to a fraud complaint against him for a cancelled concert last New Year’s Eve. Brown was in Manila Tuesday for a sold-out concert . The 26-year-old R&B artist had been stuck in…

LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Nation Rifle Association (NRA) announced the "good guy with a gun" who was supposed to be protecting a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana had the day off. The NRA explained how Jim-Bob Turner requested Thursday, July 23rd off two weeks in advance, but due to a "scheduling oversight" forgot to have his shift covered by another "good guy with a gun" at the theater where two people were killed by a "bad guy with a gun."

We do not write advice because you can’t teach stupid and you cannot change stupid.  However, we do talk to a lot of people and have discovered some common traits amongst people that are rotten to the core assholes.

CANTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Dunkin' Brands Group, Inc. CEO Nigel Travis announced today his company supports a $15 per day minimum wage. Travis declared the move was in response to the labor movement seeking a $15 minimum wage.

LAREDO, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Every so often, politicians and celebrities are caught in uncompromising situations -- in public restrooms. It is no secret that Republican presidential candidate likes women. That's why he owns several beauty pageants and has been married three times. But who knew he also likes using women's public restrooms? Trump…

Following a string of successful blockbusters that includes “Captain America,” “The Avengers,” and “Ironman,” the film production company Marvel Studios has announced that it will soon branch out into the world of comic books.

NEW YORK (TheSkunk.org) — Ground broke Monday on the President Donald J. Trump Library and Museum in Upper Manhattan.  Funded solely by Donald J. Trump, the $1.5 billion project is touted to be the largest of all the other presidential libraries.

Phoenix, AZ – “It’s the most irresponsible and heinous act that I’ve witnessed in my 20 years on the force,” explains Sergeant David Willingham.  “I’m no court judge but the owners of this car and beautiful AR-15 should be locked up with the key thrown away.  If there was intent, I can only pray that the death penalty is explored as an option for punishment.”

THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Pentagon thanked Fox News for encouraging idiots with guns to "guard" recruitment centers in Wisconsin, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, and elsewhere after the July 16th gun attacks on two unarmed military posts that killed five. The Army Recruiting Command especially wanted to thank Fox News for creating a situation where unarmed servicemen have to guess if random men armed with guns outside of their posts are going to attack them or "protect" them.

A Chelsea fan who received a banning order for racially abusing a man on the Paris Metro has been offered his old job back.

Donald Trump: the gift of loud that keeps on blaring For all those bemoaning the lack of noise in the Republican presidential sweepstakes, it’s time to get down on our knees and give thanks to Donald Trump, because whatever that man touches turns to loud. He’s the gift that keeps on blaring.

The drive-thru fast-food chain Checkers & Rally’s plans to build in the Baton Rouge area about a dozen restaurants that will eventually close and be converted to payday loan operations.