“Southpaw” – a film review by Gary Chew “If it makes money, it makes sense.” Sounds like a less offensive TV news soundbite from Donald Trump on a stump speech … right? Wrong. The sentence is spoken by an oleaginous fight promoter in a new film titled Southpaw.
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Nearly a billion common houseflies buzzed the nation's capital today to protest a bill that would require flies to show two forms of photo identification when purchasing fly-swatters. The bill, authored by Sen. Patrick Miyagi (D-HI), has passed the Senate and has been sent to President Obama. Proponents of the proposed new law argue…
MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker announced today he wanted the Selective Service System to give him all of its records regarding all able-bodied men ages 18-30. Walker explained he wanted to use the list to offer incentives to registered American males to volunteer for military service before he is sworn in as president, and reinstates the draft for a war with Iran.
ATLANTA (The Barbed Wire) - It's only been a couple of days since the SyFy channel aired the latest installment in the Sharknado franchise, but already plot details about the next incarnation of the show are emerging online. The highlight of the latest episode was getting to see disgraced politician Anthony Weiner.
HONG KONG (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Grammy award-winning singer Chris Brown was finally allowed to leave the Philippines after a three-day delay due to a fraud complaint against him for a cancelled concert last New Year’s Eve. Brown was in Manila Tuesday for a sold-out concert . The 26-year-old R&B artist had been stuck in…
LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Nation Rifle Association (NRA) announced the "good guy with a gun" who was supposed to be protecting a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana had the day off. The NRA explained how Jim-Bob Turner requested Thursday, July 23rd off two weeks in advance, but due to a "scheduling oversight" forgot to have his shift covered by another "good guy with a gun" at the theater where two people were killed by a "bad guy with a gun."
LAREDO, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Every so often, politicians and celebrities are caught in uncompromising situations -- in public restrooms. It is no secret that Republican presidential candidate likes women. That's why he owns several beauty pageants and has been married three times. But who knew he also likes using women's public restrooms? Trump…
Following a string of successful blockbusters that includes “Captain America,” “The Avengers,” and “Ironman,” the film production company Marvel Studios has announced that it will soon branch out into the world of comic books.
NEW YORK (TheSkunk.org) — Ground broke Monday on the President Donald J. Trump Library and Museum in Upper Manhattan. Funded solely by Donald J. Trump, the $1.5 billion project is touted to be the largest of all the other presidential libraries.
Phoenix, AZ – “It’s the most irresponsible and heinous act that I’ve witnessed in my 20 years on the force,” explains Sergeant David Willingham. “I’m no court judge but the owners of this car and beautiful AR-15 should be locked up with the key thrown away. If there was intent, I can only pray that the death penalty is explored as an option for punishment.”
THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Pentagon thanked Fox News for encouraging idiots with guns to "guard" recruitment centers in Wisconsin, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, and elsewhere after the July 16th gun attacks on two unarmed military posts that killed five. The Army Recruiting Command especially wanted to thank Fox News for creating a situation where unarmed servicemen have to guess if random men armed with guns outside of their posts are going to attack them or "protect" them.
A Chelsea fan who received a banning order for racially abusing a man on the Paris Metro has been offered his old job back.
Donald Trump: the gift of loud that keeps on blaring For all those bemoaning the lack of noise in the Republican presidential sweepstakes, it’s time to get down on our knees and give thanks to Donald Trump, because whatever that man touches turns to loud. He’s the gift that keeps on blaring.
Japanese company Mitsubishi was criticised last night for saying sorry in a comedic Japanese accent, it was claimed last night.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) - For far too long, white people have been absent from films, television shows, news anchor desks, advertising billboards and product labels. But finally, they are taking the spotlight away from people of color, thanks to a new MTV show, "White People." The documentary, produced by Filipino undocumented…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The Republican National Committee announced today it will be having all of its presidential candidates compete with each other to see who can make a child of illegal immigrants cry the fastest. The competition will be named "Only the Republican Who Makes a Child of Illegal Immigrant Parents Cry Fastest Can Truly Protect America," and will take place at 9pm EST on Thursday, August 20th near the El Paso, Texas border crossing.
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