Rick Perry said he intends to bring in mandatory gun ownership for everyone should he be elected president in 2016.

Pigot? Maybe BOSTON, Massachusetts—Dr. Henry Wadsworth, a linguistics professor at Boston College, is heading a team comprised of some of the world’s top linguists that is attempting to find the perfect word to describe billionaire real estate mogul and presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “There are many wonderful terms that accurately describe various components of Mr.…

Microsoft announced the release of what could be their last Windows operating system this week and it made us cry with pride that we have been using Windows for years.

In an effort to persuade Americans to contact their elected representatives to tell them to PLEASE! support his awesome nuclear deal with Iran, President Obama has enlisted Hollywood's best and brightest to promote the deal. Whether it’s climate science, income equality, or nuclear diplomacy, celebrities have always been the best source to get your information from.

ZIMBABWE (The Nil Admirari) - The nation of Zimbabwe today announced it was unable to find American dentist Dr. Walter J. Palmer, who reportedly paid at least $50k to lure a 13-year-old lion named Cecil out of his sanctuary at Hwange National Park in order to kill and decapitate him. The white American male in possession of a lion's head has somehow alluded Zimbabwe officials, and gone into hiding after his failed attempt to cure his bedroom impotence - by killing Cecil - ignited worldwide outrage.

You need to understand, I pay tens of thousands of dollars to hunt and kill beautiful, majestic creatures in the wild not because I want to but because I have to.

JACKSON, Mississippi—Officer Clyde Harris, a twelve-year veteran of the Jackson Police Department who earlier this year was exonerated after fatally shooting an unarmed black man, has admitted to colleagues and those closest to him that, even though he has faced intense criticism from various groups and individuals across the nation, he feels extremely fortunate that…

Hollywood stars complain at being ignored by Islamic terrorists, disgraced weatherman's x-rated forecasts and Mel Gibson - at least he's not a scientologist! All the top completely made up gossip.

HARARE, Zimbabwe (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Zimbabwe authorities say that a Minnesota dentist is responsible for slaying one of the country's most beloved lions. On Tuesday, The Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force said in a statement that Walter James Palmer of Eden Prairie, Minn., paid at least $50,000 to track and kill the animal. The conservation group…

Jeremy Corbyn took another huge step in the Labour premiership race last night with a hard fought win away from home at relegation struggler Liz Kendal.

When Donald Trump came up in a search for “Top 10 Assholes of All Time,” Google apologized, saying the truth can be hard to swallow. Google has apologized after photographs of Donald Trump recently appeared in image search results for “Top 10 Assholes of All Time.”

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - They already have their own green-painted lanes in the streets of San Francisco.  Now they also want immunity from traffic enforcement. A San Francisco bike group unhappy with a crackdown on cyclists who run stop signs is protesting the law by obeying it in critical mass style. On Wednesday…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Congressional Republicans announced today they were stepping away from misgoverning the country like drunken, syphilis-ridden jerks, and working on a team-building exercise to help them work together. While most Republicans seemed sworn to secrecy, TNA learned from an anonymous source the "team-building exercise" would involve kidnapping and hazing Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) out of revenge for his many slights to party members.

In 1998, the editors of New York Magazine decided to put black-and-white photos of all of Bill Clinton’s accusers and former mistresses on a single cover.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today he was considering former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin for a position in his cabinet, because Palin "is a very special lady, knows what is going on, and everyone just loves her." Palin thanked Trump for the consideration, accepted a position she called "Secretion of Fatherland Security," and gave her notice that she would quit within 2 1/2 years "just like in Alaska."

DALLAS, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The governing body of the Boy Scouts of America voted Monday to end its decades-long ban on gay scout leaders. The organization's national executive board, meeting in Texas, concluded that the policy of excluding gay adults "was no longer legally defensible."  While the national ban is gone, local scouting units…

DOUGLASVILLE, GEORGIA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, TNA was able to speak to Levi Bush, who drove one of seven Confederate flag flying pickup trucks onto a field where a black child's birthday party was taking place this weekend. Bush explained he and his friends crashed the birthday party in Douglasville, Georgia to "share our culture."

Sandusky calls prison "Way better than I expected." FRANKLIN TOWNSHIP, PA—When 14 year-old Joey Patrick found out earlier this year that the cancer he had struggled with for the last two years was no longer in remission, he told his parents that his last wish was to experience what so many healthy boys his age…

Standing next to a visibly upset Bill Cosby, a lawyer representing the 78-year-old actor called the editors of New York Magazine “reckless and unprofessional” for their decision to feature interviews with 35 women who allege they were assaulted by the legendary comic.

"I hope they aren't expecting milk from these teats." Kent Rugby, Shirtless Dancer