Tory scheme to cryogenically freeze long-term unemployed to save of benefits payments exposed! Government plans to thaw out frozen assets as required by state of economy!

COLUMBUS, Ohio (The Adobo Chronicles )  - In March of last year, The Adobo Chronicles broke the story about the decision of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to classify the taking of 'selfies' as a mental disorder. Called selfitis, or the inflammation of the ego, the disorder manifests itself in three stages: borderline, acute and chronic. Today, the…

CUPERTINO, CA (The Barbed Wire) - At Monday's Apple developers convention, a new function of the Apple Watch was announced that could let the world in on a dirty little secret - should the information ever go public. The Apple Watch, a device that will eventually perform so many functions and will know so much about us that it will become the closest thing to a deity that most people have ever known, will actually track and record a user’s masturbation schedule, frequency, intensity, and location.

PALMYRA, SYRIA (The Barbed Wire) - It appears the remodeling bug has hit the terror group ISIS in the Middle East. The group recently signed a deal with HGTV for a show in which a camera crew will follow the terrorists around to various locales as they turn the once historically rich region into the world's biggest sandbox.

Ever since his separation from his wife of 40 years, Tipper Gore, friends say that the former Vice President has become harder and harder to reach.  Al Gore is best known for his environmental education efforts after his political career ended.  Gore is reportedly dating a fellow environmentalist who introduced him to Netflix.  The Nobel Peace Prize winner is now addicted to the television show The Walking Dead.

BINONDO, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - Apparently not content on its claim over the disputed territory in the South China Sea, the Chinese government today announced it was laying claim over the oldest Chinatown in the world -- in Manila! Manila's Chinatown, located in and around the Binondo district, was established in the late 1500s. It…

Adding more shame to the beleaguered world governing body for soccer, an internal investigation has revealed that FIFA’s female executives regularly earn less than a quarter of the bribe money compared to their male counterparts.

In what has been described as one of the biggest oversights in food marketing history since horse was labeled as cheese four years ago, the major supermarkets are recalling a popular brand of peanut and butter free peanut butter from the shelves.

Moline, IL – Bruno Pelchowicz is a lifer at Orkin Pest Management and has been battling bugs for nearly 20 years.  Some of his co-workers joke that he doesn’t even have to spray some houses.  He just stares down the roaches and they run away because they know what’s coming.  Bruno has built up a reputation of being the best in the business.  He’s called into some of the most serious and perplexing jobs.  If there is such a thing, Bruno is a bug nerd.

Parting ways with the superstar Zhao, who is still 21 years shy of his 60th birthday, seems incongruous with program schemes employed by SDSO Conductor Bill Conti, which have relied heavily on Zhao as the cornerstone of the string section since 2007.

There’s always ‘some guy’ who has an opinion that chronicles how every person feels on a particular topic.  MouthFrog was able to speak with ‘some guy’ today who we believe fits that very description.  His name is not important.  In fact, he never volunteered his name and we never asked.

ORLANDO, FL (The Barbed Wire) - The Marco Rubio presidential campaign was rocked to its core today after the New York Times broke the shocking story that the Florida senator has received four traffic citations in the past eighteen years. Rubio and his inner circle are huddling tonight, in full damage control mode, to try and decide whether his presidential run should move forward.

PAGO PAGO, American Samoa (The Adobo Chronicles) -  The United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia has just ruled that the Fourteenth Amendment's guarantee of birthright citizenship does not apply to island territories including American Samoa. Agreeing with the Obama administration's lawyers, the DC Circuit relied on and even expanded the scope of…

WACO (The Barbed Wire) - Video footage from the parking lot of the Twin Peaks restaurant shows that Pee Wee Herman accidentally started the big biker fight this past weekend. Witnesses from inside the restaurant at the time say that Pee Wee had just regaled the crowd of bikers with a bad-to-the-bone performance of the "Tequila!" when the incident went south…

White Plains, NY – April, Jaylene, and Chris asked their girlfriend Tanya out for dinner under the guise of a ‘girls night out.’  Their plan was an intervention of sorts, given the rate at which Tanya was drinking wine and sleeping with random men.  As they all sat down at the table, Tanya immediately ordered 2 bottles of wine for the group and the transition was easy from there.

Traditional circular baked goods purveyors have worked hard to distinguish their products from the mainstream, primarily through products which offer increased frosting-to-face transfer.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles ) - It is common knowledge that the former Bruce Jenner was a Republican.  It is therefore not a surprise that among the first to welcome Caitlyn into their fold was the Log Cabin Republicans. Log Cabin Republicans is the nation’s original and largest organization representing gay conservatives and allies who support…

"As far as I'm concerned, Caitlyn Jenner is no different than Hulk Hogan," says pro wrestling fan Brian "Bub" Sisler. By Lee Mays, Humor Times.

Even though Kim Kardashian and hubby Kanye West are expecting just their second child, Kim has hired a tutor to help keep track. By Lee Mays, Humor Times.

Buying groceries is already a pleasurable pastime we all enjoy — combining it with recreational math just takes a good thing and makes it all the better.