WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - The fourth of July would have been a perfect day to welcome the 51st state of the United States, but it seems that may have to wait for yet another year. A U.S. territory, Puerto Rico, and a former U.S. colony, the Philippines, are the top contenders to become the latest…

Pomona, KS – Hollis Christopher Walden III is a genius.  No one knows exactly what his IQ is but let’s just say that he confounds even fellow Mensa members with his appalling brilliance.  

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): A study released today showed Americans have a distressing ignorance about the history of the United States, including its founding. Approximately 78% of surveyed Americans either incorrectly identified the country they celebrate independence from or refused to identify the country while claiming they wanted to see if the researcher knew it first.

SAN JOSÉ, Costa Rica (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - In 2010, conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh promised that if Obamacare became law in the U.S., he would leave the country and move to Costa Rica in 5 years. Well, it's been 5 years and Obamacare is the law of the land, upheld not once,…

‘Thousands never made it out of the movie theatres alive. It was carnage.’

by DSaying He is “misunderstood,” God took the form of a Chihuahua to meet our reporter in Death Valley. Reporter: (texting madly) “Okay, James, big joke. Here I am in the middle of nowhere baking in Death Valley for my big mystery interview you set up, and there’s no one or nothing in sight for miles.”

Knoxville, TN – Another tragedy has occurred.  This senseless act of violence, once again, is difficult to explain or understand why we choose to harm one another.  The details of the crimes are still developing but here’s what we know so far.

BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari): The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.

SARANGANI, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  No rags to riches story could be more inspiring than that of Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao. Growing up very poor in his home province of Sarangani where at a very young age he had to fend for himself and his family, Pacquiao rose to become one of the…

Three generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. "We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of PhotoShopped beaches, images with pensioners airbrushed out and, of course, you can't smell wee on a web page," said a senior detective working on anti-radicalisation duties with Scotland Yard.

Will the legalization of same-sex marriage destroy the world, as pundits claim? An alien invasion. Labor camps for heterosexuals. Man-dog marriage, followed by man-dog babies… If you think these weird scenarios are extracts from Charlie Sheen’s diary, think again. According to specific socially conservative pundits and right-wing legislators, the legalization of same-sex marriage will destroy [more...]

A formerly beloved celebrity activist and one of social media’s most popular figures, George Takei, has turned to the dark side, it has been declared.

⇩⇩⇩ TNA BREAKING NEWS ⇩⇩⇩ REYNOSA, MEXICO (The Nil Admirari): In the early hours of Friday morning, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump purchased the Mexican art gallery that produced Trump piñatas after Trump stated all illegal Hispanic immigrants were killers and rapists. Piñateria Ramirez was purchased by Trump for $30 million, and Trump says it will now be selling "Mexican Killer" and "Mexican Rapist" piñatas.

The Littlefield Police Department has acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a Department of Defense program that distributes surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the country.

AUGUSTA, MAINE (The Nil Admirari): Republican Governor of Maine Paul LePage announced today the slime covering his entire body was impossible to remove. The slime on LePage has been blamed for his efforts to cut programs for the poor, sick, elderly, children, and virtually every other person in Maine who is not very wealthy.

OK, you whiney bitches, I get it. You’re pissed as fuck we fired Teresa Buchanan as associate professor. Maybe you should be. But goddammit, what else were we supposed to do?

A 3-year-old boy is upset with diaper companies for setting what he calls unreasonable and unhealthy expectations of his peers' appearances.

SAN FRANCISCO, California ( The Adobo Chronicles® ) - You've heard the phrase, "Don't mess with Texas," before. But Californians have just made one thing clear to The New York Times and to the world: "Don't mess with Guacamole!" California  avocado growers, taqueria owners, and guacamole fans criticized NYT for suggesting that people add English green peas…

Donald Trump’s hair said today that it won’t be running for the presidency unlike the dickhead known as Donald Trump upon which it sits.

bThe news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...