Experts warn of 'erotic apocalypse' if public given access to recently uncovered ancient pornography. UK government seeks to suppress addictive classical smut amid fears that its potency could destroy civilisation.

You might assume from my presidential candidacy and position in the US Senate that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Not so.

San Francisco, CA – Art shows are often smug, boring, and crawling with assholes you hope to never meet on the street. A heart-warming story developed at such a show recently, starring a semi-famous band named The Shins.

Despite their best attempts to demolish the Temple of Bel, the Islamic State has been unable to explode a variety of stacked geometric shapes. Although the historical city of Palmyra boasts more than 1,000 columns, 500 tombs and many coloured squares - the military group has repeatedly 'topped out' to the soundtrack of the 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy'.

An interview with editorial cartoonist Brian Gable When you’re due some money and you’re informed that “the check’s in the mail,” there’s always the possibility that the sender is indulging in a bit of prevarication and wishful thinking. But when you know that Brian Gable’s brilliant editorial cartooning is invariably in the Toronto Globe...

We salute state Sen. Elbert Guillory, candidate for Louisiana lieutenant governor. Within only a few years of leaving the Democratic Party to become a Republican, Guillory is now the official utterer of racial slurs for the entire Louisiana GOP.

First, I know it’s probably too late to warn the world, but I couldn’t stand by silently after massive critical consensus lured me into watching this piece of shit of a movie.

Rapper Kanye West used the VMA Awards on MTV last night to announce that he is running for president of the United States. What do you think about this?

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the Republican National Committee (RNC) announced the GOP was adopting the slogan "VOTE GOP 2016 OR DIE." RNC Chairman Reince Priebus explained the new Republican slogan best summarized the current discourse of the party's members, especially its presidential candidates.

BELLVILLE, Illinois--ACME Corporation CEO Latran Ferrell announced today a nationwide recall on ACME Bullshit Detectors that will affect nearly 100 million customers.  Ferrell said the recall will affect all BS 1000 models manufactured after June of 2015. "We weren't initially aware that the models were malfunctioning," Ferrell said, "I actually own one myself.  But I…

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two of the national minority joirnalism organizations have issued advisories urging the media to refrain from using the term, 'anchor baby,' which commonly refers to a child born in the U.S. to non-citizen parents. The Asian American Journalists Association  (AAJA) and the National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ)…

"Spect-cat-ular. Geddit?" Jessie Krufts, Retired 1950s Satirist

VIRGINIA (The Barbed Wire) - Trying to quell any attempt by Donald Trump to potentially launch a third-party run for the White House in 2016, state legislators in several states are debating whether to pass requirements that candidates sign or agree to "loyalty oaths," stating they would support whoever the Republican nominee is.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Late this afternoon, President Obama announced his intention to rename the tallest mountain in the Presidential Range located in New Hampshire. Obama explained Mount Washington would be renamed "Mount Obama," because he was better at being president than America's first president under the Constitution - George Washington.

It has been revealed today that a collection of audio cassettes seized from Osama Bin Laden’s abandoned Afghan compound, actually contain an alarming amount of 80s pop tunes.

Brett Rogers, one of the first U.S. Navy Seals to enter the compound, claimed he was alerted to Bin Laden’s whereabouts by the distant melodic tones of Salt-N-Pepa’s Push It. ‘Well the lyrics do say that “this dance ain’t for everybody, only for the sexy people” obviously I took it as a sign’.

Crimes against comedy: The demise of Adam Sandler Pixels, the big screen equivalent of horse shit, came on the heels of The Cobbler, the biggest stinker of Adam Sandler’s career (which was also his lowest-grossing title ever). In the realms of artistic credibility, Hotel Transylvania has been his only respectable offering recently...

HOLLYWOOD, California  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The movers and skakers of the American television industry have just had it with indecent exposure on live TV and on the red carpet at awards shows. In a rare move by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and the National Cable Television Association (NCTA) with the full…

A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Association of International Frog Worshippers Best Aquarius Prediction, March 2014
Dial-Up Fastest Horoscope Download of the Year, 1994
The Humble John McCain Fellowship Best Prediction Involving Soup In A Horoscope, May 2015

Organisers of the Layer under Haye fete, August Bank Holiday Monday 2-5pm, say they have managed to book the Segway cameraman who tripped up world famous running Jamaican Usain Bolt.

Washington – It’s getting harder and harder to tell if GOP candidates running for president are saying things to differentiate themselves or just losing their minds.  Today on NBC’s Meet The Press, Scott Walker launched an offensive lob towards Canada.