WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans thanked the millions of misinformed voters who think they know stuff for giving them control of Congress and making the upcoming October government shutdown possible. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets were also acknowledged for feeding Republican voters a steady, poisonous diet of misinformation that turned them into voters who were more dangerous than uninformed voters.

In another momentous act of humility and grace, Pope Francis has confirmed that he will work 24/7 to enable the Lord to take a 2-week break from planet Earth. The one true God had earlier revealed that he was 'in the midst of a celestial crisis and tired of dealing with the puny sins of humankind'. He bemoaned not taking one day of annual leave since organising the welcome party for His Son into the Kingdom of Heaven.

The super-rich spend billions to buy the president – but your little donation can counter them. For today’s report, I have a bunch of statistics for you. Wait — don’t run away! Where are you going? Come back here and sit still while I drill these stats into your head! It’ll be fun...

HOLLYWOOD, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Yesterday, we reported that the new season series of 'The Muppets' will premiere next Tuesday on ABC with additional new cast featuring 12 of the Republican presidential candidates. One candidate, Cuban American Marco Rubio, was left out of the cast. Upon seeing the promo for the new "Muppets" with…

Joe Biden may not be bright enough to light the Oval Office, but thanks to Barack, he could be the Democratic nominee. WorldsWisestOwl.com

Syrian migrants are set to become this years ‘must have’ accessory, after socialite Paris Hilton was photographed leaving an exclusive Munich fashion store with a desperate refugee clinging to her Louis Vuitton Kusama Pumpkin handbag...

GOP Candidates vie to top each other’s insults after Trump successfully mocks Fiorina WASHINGTON, DC — Donald Trump says he was only talking about Carly Fiorina’s “persona” — not her looks — when he suggested that shuddering Republicans couldn’t possibly vote for “that horsey, arrogant, self-satisfied anorgasmic face.”

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush announced his tax plan to the country yesterday, but quickly changed the after his 10-minute speech. "My wife, Columba, who is Mexican...er, Latina...whatever...and I have discussed this tax plan at length. There's nothing I won't do without her, as I know how important it is to get a Mexican...sorry, Latina, point of view."

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The muppets are back -- bigger, better, smarter and funnier, with a dozen of new cast memebers! The new season of the popular  television series premieres this fall starting Tuesday on ABC. The show will also be available to subscribers of Netflix, Hulu and Direct TV, as…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) warned Americans that listening to Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, and anyone else classified as a "Mad Republican" for even a minute "will absolutely result in concussion-like symptoms." CDC Director Dr. Tom Frieden explained the grade of concussion-like symptoms an American risked depended on how far to the right the Mad Republican speaker they listened to was.

"That Gorilla is naked." Jessie Krufts, Commentator

Seven children in Rancho Bernardo, California were cited for violating drought related water restrictions after neighbors reported their water balloon fight to police Saturday.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama sent his annual message to Congressional Republicans asking them "not to shut down the government again." Obama's handwritten letter explained to Republicans they had control of both chambers of Congress, so they needed to "get their act together, stop being drama queens, and pass some bills that actually have a chance of being signed by me."

Sir Bobby Charlton has pledged that his all-time England goal scoring record is only out on loan to Wayne Rooney. The 77 year old England and Manchester United legend confirmed he is back in training with a view to catching Roy Hodgson’s eye ahead of next summer’s European Championships in France.

‘First thing this morning I was down training at Carrington with Nobby Stiles putting me through my paces...’

Labor Day is noted mostly for being a transition day. Labor Day. The last plastic souvenir sports bottle of lemonade on the dying coals of summer. Not so much a festive celebration as a beacon for the halfway point between 4th of July and Thanksgiving. The spot on the calendar where fireworks switch to Jack-O-Lanterns.

SALISBURY, North Carolina (The Adobo Chronicles®) — The band Survivor has filed a $1.2 million lawsuit against Kim Davis and Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee over the unauthorized use of its hit song “Eye of the Tiger." Davis, the Rowan County clerk who was jailed after refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was released Tuesday morning, after serving…

Insisting that every nation in Europe must do its part to help with the refugee crisis, Pope Francis has agreed to admit into his Vatican residence one refugee, a 32-year-old Syrian bricklayer named Azzam Farza.

Wayne Rooney is now a better footballer than Bobby Charlton, after scoring 50 goals for England.

Rooney, 32, didn't howl with tears after scoring the most important goal of his Bobby Charelton beating career.

CUPERTINO, CA (The Barbed Wire) - Feeling pressured to hold a September event like they always do, but out of new ideas, Apple's CEO Tim Cook promised those in attendance at today's product update meeting that the company would come up with something cool at some far-off date in the future.

Los Angeles, CA – Looking as fit and confident as ever, Hillary Clinton stood before a small group of admirers as she was sworn in as an honorary member of The Charlie’s Angels Society of Greater Los Angeles.