"It's still a better love story than Twilight." Jessie Krufts, Bean Counter

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Apparently, it is not only Scott Walker who is dropping out of the Republican presidential race; all 34 of the remaining 36 declared candidates are quitting, en masse. The first to drop out from the contest last month was Rick Perry, followed by an announcement today that Walker is also…

Communist candidate for president Bernie Sanders called for a ban on Thanksgiving today, disparaging America's most solemn and cherished of traditions.

WISCONSIN (The Barbed Wire) - Wisconsin candidate Scott Walker became the second governor to bow out of the 2016 presidential race today. Walker said he was suspending his campaign and would reveal which candidate he will back for president at a later date. He blamed his spastic personality as the main reason he never connected with voters on a large scale.

White Plains, NY – Ben Tripper is a local computer programmer and admits that he overanalyzes things from time to time.  

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This evening, Republican presidential candidate and Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker announced he was ending his candidacy to destroy America's economy by means of trickle-down economics. A somber Walker asserted he had reached his decision "due to a complete lack of interest in me nationally. Heck, even the Koch brothers aren't returning my calls anymore, and I purposely destroyed Wisconsin's economy for them."

Desperate to knock Donald Trump from his front-runner position, several Republican presidential hopefuls are reportedly teaming up in the form of an enormous combining robot, by which they plan to attack the real estate mogul.

NEW YORK CITY--Marge Burns, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood, announced today the abortion specialists will be ceasing operations as it appears almost a certainty that Congress will vote to cease federal funding of the program.  But Burns assured women across the country that there is still time to get that abortion they've always dreamed of.…

David Cameron admitted to reporters outside his home tonight that he had had 'a pig of a day', according to reporters awaiting outside his house.

'They also seem to form an orderly queue at the fallopian tubes in a 'very polite and English considerate 'you first, no after you' fashion'.

There is a failure in our modern media to take a deeper look at the roots of the problems that ours and other societies are facing in the world. At present a huge wave of immigrants are racing across the Mediterranean to Europe to claim their stake in it. Most are fleeing the conflict...

Here’s an episode you’ll never forget. The Family Dinner’s Robert Rau and Evan Rabalais join Jeremy White at El Rio Grande Mexican Restaurant, where they discuss the 9/11-themed wedding of Devo co-founder and bassist Jerry Casale and his bride, Krista Napp.

Doctors will chop off the gross pieces of little Joseph McCallister's tiny baby genitalia later this afternoon in a routine procedure.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and fired Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina announced her desire to have the USS Ronald Reagan - a Nimitz-class supercarrier - as "a golden parachute" when Congress impeached her for gross incompetence as president. Fiorina also continued to hit back at her critics by claiming she could not be considered a failed CEO at HP due to the fact she walked away with about $21 million if she promised never to return.

Vatican City – Pope Francis, ahead of a visit to the United States starting September 22nd, has wasted no time in creating a wave of hope for the God fearing church goers as well as the sinful dirty atheists.  

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Congressional Republicans announced they were preparing for Pope Francis' Thursday morning address to a joint session of Congress. Party leaders said they had constructed a gold-plated cage for the pontiff to sit in, and collected rotten food for Republicans to throw at Pope Francis when he lectured the GOP on the seriousness of climate change, and how Republicans must stop their attacks on the poor, sick, disabled, veterans, and so many other groups.

MASON, Ohio (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Many who are vision-impaired have long benefited from progressive lenses which enable them to wear a single pair of eyeglasses for both distance and reading prescriptions. Those who can't wear progressives have long clamored for a product that would cater to their particular situation. Finally, LensCrafters is unveiling a new…

'I realise now that I was acting like an idiotic one man kangaroo court, and would like to apologise to the bench,' said Commissioner John Jenkins, after he admitted to locking up Vince Hilaire, for a minor offence, and throwing away the key.