How to Govern 101, An Open Letter To Donald Trump

WINSTON-SALEM, North Carolina Sat Nov 16, 2013 2:32pm EST

(Reuters) – A North Carolina social worker has been charged after her 11-year-old foster child was found chained to the porch of her home with a dead chicken hanging around his neck, a sheriff’s official said on Saturday.

During a news conference in which he insisted he had nothing to do with the recent hacking of Democratic National Committee emails, Donald Trump called on Russia this week to find Hillary Clinton’s 30,000 missing emails, drawing claims the Republican presidential nominee’s actions were treasonous.

Britain is to send battleships to Gibraltar as a sign of strength as Spain seeks to invade the peninsula during Brexshit negotiations, according to a shady looking character in Brussels. The battleships will be the same ones sent to the Falklands due to cost cutting.

The endorsement of Hillary Clinton by a former commander of U.S. Central Command has prompted Donald Trump to claim the retired four-star general is a “loser” for not figuring out a way to dodge his military obligations.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Yvette Harrell ran against Xochitl Torres Small for the congressional seat in Southern New Mexico. Party doesn’t matter right now because both are reprehensible (there wasn’t a lesser of two evils in this campaign). Harrell misdirected money (over half a million dollars) from the state to her business (while in the legislature) and also another half a million to her mother’s business and had what would have been ethics violations if the state had (previous to now) an ethics committee.

Mr. Cucumberpatch revisits his role as Doctor Strange in Thor: Ragnarok.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - No presidential candidate of a U.S. major party has ever died or withdrawn before a presidential election and no President-elect has ever died or withdrawn after winning the general election, but before taking office. However, one vice-presidential candidate died after he was nominated but before the general election (James Sherman,…

SatireWorld Range and Dinner Club, USA

Nothing says Christmas like a staff photo with Santa and an AR-15! Just ask the writers at SatireWorld as they pose with jolly Ol’ St. Nick and some high-powered firearms: AK-47s, grenade launchers and machine guns.

From now on, customers who order food at McDonald’s may or may not be allowed to finish their “meal” in peace.

Wow, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have decided to switch bodies in a shocking piece of political news that honestly makes a whole lot of sense.

Each year Gaston offers his students the chance to skip the rest of the year and earn an A in the course if they can produce a perpetual motion machine by the last day of school.

The Police Department (Christmas Division) have made their first arrest of the 2018 holiday season. For public record, the arrests are listed below:

Responding to complaints from residents about the number of dead hookers piling up on their local beaches, Lindenhurst City Council voted this week to initiate a curbside prostitute recycling program.

In the wake of revelations concerning contributions by Russian oligarchs, the National Rifle Association announced an official name change to better clarify its goals in the US, and will be known going forward as the National Russian Association.

It’s Monday again, otherwise known as Xanax Day, and local lab specimen Ernie 13 is a rat reborn.

Researchers have found that violence is up to 99% effective at preventing childhood sass-mouth if applied correctly, according to a report published in this month's Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology.

Although believing he was locked in a titanic struggle of multi-dimensional chess for control of the universe with the Being who created it, Martin Gimlok of Shelvre, Delaware, it turns out, has been playing something much closer to the popular game checkers.

Portsmouth (UK) – (satireworld.com)
A Muslim covert who was beaten rather severely several times for trying to impose sharia law on British websites claims to have converted numerous writers to a radical form of Islam during his time working patrons at various local pubs in the evening hours according to the Times.

New York, NY - (satireworld.com)

On Tuesday night, bartender turned freshmen congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez age 29,(D-NY) sat down with Satireworld writer Anita Drink for a first ever interview with a conservative press representative. Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez let it all out in a rum fused interview at a local Bronx watering hole frequented by her blue collar and liberal local constituents.