After weeks of staving off gossip of their having split, the octopus guy from "My Octopus Teacher" confirmed today that he and his mollusk fiance have called it quits.



































































 
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Election MMXVI: The Forced Runoff

TOKYO, Japan (The Adobo Chronicles, Tokyo Bureau) - Today, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) made a stunning announcement. Beginning in 2024, the Olympics will include a new sport: knitting! Initially, Olympic knitting will include three divisions: Bonnet Division, Classic Sweater Division, and the Table Runner Division. Medals will be awarded to athletes who could finish…

Elf on the Shelf is training our kids to accept Big Brother watching. This is a bad thing for freedom and America!

London UK:
[satireworld.com]
“Civil Rights” passed away during a National Football League (NFL) sponsored American football game staged in this city between the Baltimore Ravens and the Jacksonville Jaguars. The cause of death, according to the London Coroners Office, was a massive heart attack over lack of respect when both teams took a knee during the playing of the USA National Anthem (The Star-Spangled Banner). The players were supposedly protesting White Racism/White Privilege in the USA!

The Republicans in Washington are getting sick of guessing what kind of illegal scandal they can use to bust Hillary Clinton with enough evidence to once and forever end her political career.

Joining the ranks of Woolworth's and Ace Hardware, automotive chain Pep Boys announced today that they will no longer offer abortion services at any of their Texas locations.
































































 
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Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

War on Women? Sexism? Wealth sharing? Gun control? Job equality? Liberalism? Yes, those are the talking points of today’s left, but the icons of the movement sing a different tune when it pertains to themselves and their personal attitudes. The true hypocrites in our modern culture attempt to bend traditional values and use people then discard them when their value has been diminished.

Collective group activities, especially ones involving middle aged fattish women and flowers and cups of coffee and cup cakes on a Sunday afternoon, possibly in a church or local community centre or at least in a meeting place that has that rusty, dusty, type smell to it and chairs they keep stacked in a small room nearby, are precisely starred this month.

The Philippines' Rodrigo Duterte and America's Donald Trump. The media have put them both in the same category: rogue candidates. Trump is the presumptive Republican presidential nominee while Duterte could be elected president of the Philippines in a matter of hours. Both unconventional when faced by questions from the media.  Both have shocked the electorate…

With Vladimir Putin's ill-conceived invasion of the Ukraine grinding to a halt, the mounting pressure from his army's inability to achieve its objectives and stifling international sanctions will most likely induce him to overturn the global chessboard and slam the red button.
































































 
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New Uber-like app Stiff Shifters offering to provide customers with hearse within fifteen minutes for cut price funeral services under fire from users. Mourners claim 'hearses' have included ice cream vans and complain of coffins carried on roof racks.

WEST VIRGINIA (The Barbed Wire) - Hillary Clinton has been talking tough in recent months about driving coal miners and their industry out of business. Her talk caused voters to swat her away and give the state to Bernie Sanders in an easy victory in West Virginia's primary. Immediately going into damage control, and realizing she would need West Virginia’s electoral votes in a general election, Hillary explained to the state’s voters that she only recently found out that coal is used to produce most of the country’s electricity.

According to an alert issued from the Waynesboro Police Department, officers parked across the street from Chloe's Flower Shop on Main Street observed the man exiting the store carrying a bouquet of zinnias and two helium balloons around 3pm.
































































 
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) -Many Americans were so concentrated on their shock and grief that very few noticed what the Clintons were wearing during Hillary's concession speech.  Both she and Bill wore purple (see photo.) Purple embodies the balance of red’s (Republican) stimulation and blue’s (Democrat) calm. This dichotomy can cause unrest or…

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - It was a secret, quickly-arranged meeting, captured only through the lens of an iPhone.  Philippine presumptive President-elect Rodrigo Duterte came face to face with presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.  It happened in an undisclosed penthouse office in New York City. Duterte, described by Western media…

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop the clock! If I knew five years ago that a President would come along and wipe out everyone's student debt, I would've stayed in high school and gone to college myself!

An online content manager who bravely decided to wear a safety pin has turned into Martin Luther King Jr., according to hundreds of witnesses.

‘This represents the single greatest scientific discovery made by man to date,’ said researcher Dr Lillian Nicholson.

The imminent decision of a Memphis, Tennessee grand jury's decision of whether to indict a man who resorted to poisoning the wild packs of children beleaguering his neighborhood could set a precedent for similar cases around the country.