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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced all of his paid campaign staff were going to be considered volunteers for the foreseeable future due to a severe lack of money. Perry said he did not think it was a bad sign for his presidential bid, and adopted the brand new position that money should have no place in politics.
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  From Safeway to Whole Foods to Trader Joe's, avocados have disappeared from grocery shelves, and the situation has created a severe shortage of guacamole  in California. Taquerias have been serving salsa with their corn chips, minus the guacamole. The Chipotle restaurant chain has set a limit of one…
"One simply cannot afford NOT to read this excellent guide to hiring a suitable nanny," says friend of Jenn and Ben.
In a move thought to be the first of its kind Arsenal have placed midfielder Jack Wilshere on a zero-hours contract after running out of patience with the constantly injured player. As a result Wilshere will now be paid only when he plays for the club, a move that is expected to reduce his monthly earnings from £360K to a projected £87.19.
Impress your friends, get them to help paste these ‘Trump for President’ bumper stickers everywhere! Hey Kids! Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic ‘Trump for President’ bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking...
"I bet $1 Donald Trump would approve of that." Kent Rugby, Political Commentator
STILLWATER, MINNESOTA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN-6) announced she had discovered dozens of phallic shaped objects in the bottom drawer of her husband Marcus's dresser. Bachmann explained her husband told her the objects were rockets to take them to Heaven once President Obama fulfilled his role to take the world into the End Times and bring about the Second Coming of Christ.
Can you speak up? I have shit in my ears. MARYVILLE, Arkansas—GOP presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee visited Miss Cynthia Parker’s first grade art class at Maryville Elementary School today, where he reportedly left the entire class in awe when he displayed his own impressive artistic talent by drawing a remarkably detailed…
MOUNTAIN VIEW, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Just hours after  CEO Larry Page announced a new name for Google, the giant Internet search company unveiled its new logo. Google will hence be called Alphabet, according to the announcement. The new logo was presented to the media during a champagne reception at the company's Mountain View main…
As Australian authorities move to ban Vegemite from sale in some communities because it is being bought in bulk and used to make alcohol, we sent our reporter to find out what the alcohol made out of Vegemite actually taste like. And what we found out may shock many of our gentle readers.
Jacksonville, FL –  It’s no secret the world is moving faster than ever.  There is more stress and less time to sleep.  For the millions who have various sleep disorders, this is a recipe for severe anxiety and depression.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Fox News President Roger Ailes called billionaire and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump earlier today after experiencing the wrath of unhinged Fox News viewers, other conservative media outlets, and Trump's weekend anti-Fox News media blitz. Tensions continued to grow quickly over the thinly veiled hit job Ailes ordered on Trump during Thursday night's debate, which Megyn Kelly largely carried out. Although no one knows everything the conversation between Trump and Ailes was about it did result in Trump agreeing to go on...
The Conservative party will from now on base their handling of the migrant crisis on hit TV show The Walking Dead.
Government plans to reform SAS recruitment procedure have run into a hail of criticism. It is understood that applicants will be asked to travel through the channel tunnel in under 48 hours, and buy and assemble an entire IKEA kitchen without either also buying a pack of tealights, or having a cup of tea - a suggestion which had drawn fire from human rights groups.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Fox News President Roger Ailes announced today his fantasy-peddling organization was "at DEFCON 3 and likely losing control" of the misinformed, hateful, and paranoid people it has created over its nearly 19 years of terror. Ailes stated Fox News feared it may have reached a saturation point where its almost exclusively Republican audience could no longer absorb any further distortions of facts or outright lies, which is exactly what Fox News has been feeding them while also telling them they are the informed people.
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  At least 650 members of the National Association of Black Journalists  (NABJ) accepted an invitation from Prince to pay $20 apiece to visit the Paisley Park studio complex used by the entertainer outside Minneapolis Saturday night in hopes of seeing the star himself, according to Richard Prince (no…
Russell, KS –  Look into 92 year old Bob Dole’s eyes.  No, really look.  What do you see?  Great American?  Yes.  Proud veteran?  Absolutely.  A man who lived a full and worthwhile life?  Most of us may not know the true answer to that but let’s go with “OK” on that one.
NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - Controversy has erupted in male circles coast to coast after Fox News Channel's Megyn Kelly threw a "war on women" statement and question at Republican front-runner Donald Trump early in Thursday night's debate. Was Trump immature in his response? Sure he was.
Presidential hopeful Lindsey Graham continues to test poorly at both shooting and eating things in the run-up to the GOP primaries.

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