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In news that will bring joy to animal lovers everywhere, it was discovered that dentist Walt Palmer did not kill Cecil, ‘King of the Jungle’, and instead only shot two poor, desperate Zimbabweans dressed up in a furry suit.
‘I stood my ground, just like my hero, George Zimmerman,’ says lion killer dentist BLOOMINGTON, MN — Fugitive serial animal killer Dr Walter Palmer, the U.S. dentist who shot and killed Cecil, the Friendly Lion, said today that “at the time” he felt his life was threatened and had acted only in self-defense.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the College Board released the new AP History curriculum with changes demanded by American conservatives since 2012, when a retired history teacher named Larry Krieger took offense to the fact AP students weren't learning about the "perfect America" in his mind. When the Republican National Committee (RNC) learned the AP History curriculum also conflicted with the America in its collective head, it declared war on the College Board and demanded it emphasize "American exceptionalism and patriotism, and less of the inconvenient and...
David Cameron plans to adopt India’s caste system in the UK to bring the country more in line with the Victorian era.
"How tall is that Police Officer if that camera is her body cam?" Jessie Krufts, Shortist
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie told Fox and Friends that he was "not mad, just stop citing stupid poll numbers." Christie has consistently been polling lower than the margin of error in most national polls of likely Republican primary voters, and will not be eligible to participate in the first Republican debate being hosted by Fox News next week if that continues.
With the barely legible words “tit for cat” written in blood on a bedroom wall of her California estate, the pop singer Miley Cyrus was mauled late Wednesday night by a group of lion assailants.
See how much you know about the four major candidates vying to replace Gov. Bobby Jindal this fall.
Howard Hall Jr. joins Jeremy and Sunny to discuss Morris Bart birthdays and blackface amoebas. They also argue pulling down a kid's pants and calling him a racial slur is more sex crime than hate crime.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) escalated the shameless stupidity being voiced by delusional Republicans who think they are qualified to be president. Rubio, who claimed he was "anti-choice," stated that Cecil - a widely known Zimbabwe lion killed and decapitated by an impotent Minnesota dentist named Dr. Walter J. Palmer - "should have just gone to Planned Parenthood to die."
Following a recent survey of marine wildlife off the coast of Cornwall police are investigating reports than an illegal money-lender, or 'loan shark', may have been sighted patrolling shallow waters in Newquay bay.
The campaign race for the presidential nomination is getting crowded, but we like it that way! Got to congratulate Donald Trump in this campaign for how fast he’s become more annoying to the Republican Party than a mouse in an air conditioning unit.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - After just ten days since his sold-out concert in Manila, Grammy Award-winning singer Chris Brown has been invited back to the Philippines. Brown is currently in Israel as part of his concert tour. The unprecedented invitation came from no less than Leila De Lima, Secretary of the Philippines'…
Rick Perry said he intends to bring in mandatory gun ownership for everyone should he be elected president in 2016.
Pigot? Maybe BOSTON, Massachusetts—Dr. Henry Wadsworth, a linguistics professor at Boston College, is heading a team comprised of some of the world’s top linguists that is attempting to find the perfect word to describe billionaire real estate mogul and presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “There are many wonderful terms that accurately describe various components of Mr.…
Microsoft announced the release of what could be their last Windows operating system this week and it made us cry with pride that we have been using Windows for years.
In an effort to persuade Americans to contact their elected representatives to tell them to PLEASE! support his awesome nuclear deal with Iran, President Obama has enlisted Hollywood's best and brightest to promote the deal. Whether it’s climate science, income equality, or nuclear diplomacy, celebrities have always been the best source to get your information from.
ZIMBABWE (The Nil Admirari) - The nation of Zimbabwe today announced it was unable to find American dentist Dr. Walter J. Palmer, who reportedly paid at least $50k to lure a 13-year-old lion named Cecil out of his sanctuary at Hwange National Park in order to kill and decapitate him. The white American male in possession of a lion's head has somehow alluded Zimbabwe officials, and gone into hiding after his failed attempt to cure his bedroom impotence - by killing Cecil - ignited worldwide outrage.
You need to understand, I pay tens of thousands of dollars to hunt and kill beautiful, majestic creatures in the wild not because I want to but because I have to.
JACKSON, Mississippi—Officer Clyde Harris, a twelve-year veteran of the Jackson Police Department who earlier this year was exonerated after fatally shooting an unarmed black man, has admitted to colleagues and those closest to him that, even though he has faced intense criticism from various groups and individuals across the nation, he feels extremely fortunate that…

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