Corporate media consumers were urged to continue watching the developing story so they could appreciate how afraid they needed to be, and how terrorism must be the automatic assumption when the cause of a tragedy was not immediately known.​

Exhaustive research by the professionals at the Canard Press newsroom has come up with the following seven no-fail tips to help you get through the day.

Facing a life sentence for his crimes, Father Christmas might just have emptied his sack for the very last time.

Berlin, Germany (satireworld.com)
Mohammed says he doesn’t miss Syria any longer, especially the daily threats of violence and a life filled with occasional chaos. Today, Mohammed gets up every morning and drives his new S-series Mercedes Benz to his custodial job at the Entomology Center at Nordic Peoples Pharmaceutical Company in suburban Berlin, where he cleans laboratories and keeps the floors highly waxed.

Al Franken, dogged by multiple, mistaken harassment claims and photographic evidence, bravely faced the public and released a statement of apology–privately, through his representative.

Hard-line Brexit voters are calling for Theresa May’s head after the Prime Minister decided to make the definition of Brexit even vaguer with the term ‘red, white and blue Brexit.’

He shouldn’t have to apologize, just like gorillas in the zoo shouldn’t have to apologize for throwing their feces at the people watching them.

A white man from Louisiana has come out of the closet, sort of, to admit that he voted for Hillary Clinton.

Austin, TX – (SatireWorld.com)
Dog lovers packed council chambers Tuesday night after a notice went out to residents concerning the popular local Dog Park.

President Obama has confirmed a nasty rumor that’s been going around conservative talk radio

The White House - (satireworld.com)
Some are saying it was a revenge motivated ‘accident.’ Others are saying it was a practical joke. Insiders at the White House are saying the breech of security has Valerie Jarrett steaming mad over her personal photo release, and in particular, several photos that were secretly taken by the CIA in 2009.

Despite serving as Donald Trump’s running mate in their successful presidential campaign, Vice President-elect Mike Pence still can’t detect when he should clumsily chuckle at the outrageous things said by the president-elect.

CHICAGO (The Barbed Wire) - The publishers at IDG Books, the company that puts out the "For Dummies" line of informative books, have signed a deal with Hillary Clinton to publish her book teaching the do's and dont's of emails, based on her expertise in the field. The book will be titled "Emails for Hillary's."

President Tonald Drump's approval rating rose to 91% in the latest poll released by the Pew Research Center, a new high since he took office in January.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 - Feb 17)
You are right to mistrust your instincts at times, however you are wrong to mistrust them all the while this month. Whilst it is true that the accuracy of your instinct will be down to about 5% at times this June, it will also rise to 22.76% for a while, which is approaching best ever territory.

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com)
A computer bug may be in the frame behind the sudden, unexplained firing of Omarosa Manigault Newman, defunct White House Office of Public Liaison communications director, according to latest SatireWorld reports.

The studio believes that a remake is guaranteed money and wish to cash in on the rise of transsexual rights by casting Caitlyn Jenner. Jenner shot into the public limelight after announcing her gender change in 2015.

WASHINGTON - A police officer can now shoot a goldfish if it moves when the officer enters a home, under a new federal court ruling issued this month.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Previously, The Adobo Chronicles reported that Donald Trump has secured four A-1 list performers for his January 20 inaugural. These include Jackie Evancho, Manny Pacquiao, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Justin Bieber. Today, the Trump inaugural committee announced that five more A-1 list performers have been confirmed to make the…

"The slow golfer guys in front have been making up stories about a Jurassic sized Gator slowing them down for years. It had to happen eventually."