Check Please!
It is rather funny that these major media companies are on the list and haven’t covered themselves yet. So, to help them get started with just a modicum of due diligence, here are all the Ashley Madison emails we found with news organization addresses.
BEIJING, CHINA & NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, China announced its stock market would be going on a vacation and the Ministry of Finance would be releasing "highly accurate" stock numbers. Wall Street praised the announcement and continued to encourage Americans to purchase highly inflated stocks before everyone ran out of tricks to hide the symptoms of another looming global economic crisis.
WASHINGTON, D.C.--The United States Supreme Court ruled today 5-4 that size does not matter in any way in matters pertaining to human physiology. "It's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean," said Chief Justice John Roberts, "That's been, not only my personal belief, but a belief shared by our forefathers when…
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is about to get a dose of his own medicine. Trump has been very vocal in the campaign trail about his dislike for immigrants and has called on the Department of Homeland Security to deport all anchor babies -- children born in the U.S.…
‘Nice remote village, but very noisy at night,’ paraphrased a North Korean tourist official, reading the latest entry on Trip Advisor for Panmonjon village, located in the middle of the DMZ. ‘The South are driving tourists away from the DMZ with their propaganda loudspeakers blaring away day and night,’ he said.
The Tony Award-Winning San Francisco Mime Troupe continues its 56th season with free performances of “Freedomland.” A door is blown off its hinges! Into a blasted room of scarred walls and shattered windows, armed with M-16’s, America’s bravest duck and dodge for cover, finally training their deadly gunsights on … an old black man.
New York, NY – The Jolly Green Giant stopped by CBS This Morning today for an unannounced visit.  The show was already filled up with segments about how to cook healthier pork, kids that scream in the grocery store, and a Gayle King editorial about the rising prices of handbags.
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is catching flack for calling for an end to birthright citizenship for children born in the U.S. to illegal immigrants and for using the term “anchor babies.”
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is dead serious about his recently-announced immigration policy, and he is not waiting until he gets elected. Trump's policy includes the building a a great wall along the entire stretch of the southern border with Mexico, deporting all the estimated 11 Million undocumented…
So majestic BLOOMINGTON, Minnesota--Noted animal rights activist Jasmin Willowtree said today that while she stands by her view that big-game trophy hunting is a cruel and selfish practice, she was left speechless by the stunning beauty of the stuffed and mounted head of Cecil the Lion. "People who feel the desire to take the lives…
Researchers at London's Royal Institute for Domestic Sciences has announced that a matrix algorithm they devised, taking in factors such as food type, geography, level of expertise, celebrity type, history and diet fads, has proved conclusively that every single combination of cookbook is now available at any time to anyone in the world in any form.
Subway’s longtime spokesman, Jared Fogle, will be featured in major biopic. Once called “America’s 6-inch sweetheart,” Jared Fogle, Subway’s longtime spokesman, now finds himself in a world of trouble. In the words of Frederick DeLuca, Subway’s co-founder, “Jared began and ended his career trying to squeeze into smaller pants.”
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie announced he was doubling his protective detail in his home state. The move followed thousands of threats made by New Jersey citizens to "tar and feather" Christie then "run him out of town on a rail."
Local cats could be about to start talking just like a cat on Youtube, below, in what could be their biggest evolutionary step so far as they start to pick up vocabulary from locals.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  Yesterday, we reported that the National Zoo's female giant panda, Mei Xiang, gave birth to a cub, which Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump called an "anchor baby." It turns out that Mei Xiang gave birth to twin cubs a few hours apart, so now Trump has two panda  cubs…
Wallingford, IA – While Donald Trump continues to strike a chord with potential voters with his anti-conventional political antics, he may soon have some serious competition.  Deez Nuts, a candidate born in the small farming country of Iowa, is currently polling third in the state of North Carolina.  
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - At least he is consistent with his views on immigration and birthright citizenship. Recently, Donald Trump laid out his immigration policy wherein he maintained that children born in America of undocumented immigrants should not be automatically considered U.S. citizens. And that includes Chinese pandas born in the National Zoo.…
DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) took part in a special weekend broadcast of Jan Mickelson's extreme-right-wing Iowa radio show. Cruz used the platform to warn Americans "atheist-Muslim-fascist-communist-ISIS-liberal terrorists" wanted to destroy America, religious freedom, and Christianity.
"Mexico Is Magic!" -- a suggested ad campaign by Uncle Sam -- may convince illegal immigrants it's time to go home
After twice being denied unpaid time-off to follow his son's Davenport, Texas baseball team to the Little League World Series last year, Kyle Lawson didn't think twice - he quit his job as a supply clerk and travelled to Williamsport, PA to watch his boy go 0-11 from the plate and make a throwing error that sealed his squad's early elimination from the tournament.

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