. . . Apple, it seems, has saved one of the most revolutionary features of its gear new phone for last: the Fecal Finder™ app, which can detect fecal material as small as one part per one hundred millionth on any iPhone 11.

CARY, Wyoming--Nancy Maines, a 24 year-old project manager, is apparently experiencing a heavier than normal menstrual cycle this month, her colleague Josh Simon reports.  Maines recently filed a grievance with human resources accusing Simon and his supervisor Danny Kurtz of making sexist remarks. "Nancy's definitely on the rag," Simon claims, "Or at least PMS-ing like…

Velma Suddlington, 38, has appeared on various websites where her ‘revolutionary weight loss method’ has been called ‘the next big thing’.

The New York Jets bolstered their injury-depleted stock of quarterbacks today by signing Kaleb Coppernik to a one-year deal. Coppernik, who last played football in 2018 for Penn State Gettysburg, threw for 15 touchdowns and 14 interceptions en route to leading the Carpetbaggers to a 6-5 record in the Mountain Valley Conference his senior year.

There are some rather nasty rumors about me and my past stubbornly floating around out there. Rumors that would make even the most forgiving and open-minded person think I’m a horrible excuse for a human being.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Just hours after The White House announced that President Barack Obama had cancelled his meeting in Laos with Rodrigo Roa Duterte, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump says he is meeting the tough-talking Philippine president next week. Obama cancelled his meeting with Duterte following statements from the…

Growing turmoil within the GOP is fueling a split between crackpots within the party and its more traditional dumbass base, experts say.

"I am not wearing a Nazi uniform," Pence responded to a reporter who asked why he was wearing a Nazi uniform, referring to the dark Wehrmacht uniform adorned with Nazi epaulettes and medallions that he had on.

ROWAN COUNTY, KY (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - After The Vatican's official clarification that Pope Francis' meeting with Kim Davis was not a "private audience" as the Rowan County clerk claimed, Liberty Counsel (Davis' attorneys) went on a damage-control mode. Following documented media reports that the only private audience the Pope gave was with his long-time Argentinian…

PORTLAND, OR — In yet another sign of just how very close Trump's America is to descending into an oppressive Christian theocracy, video has surfaced from Wednesday afternoon of Portland Police attempting to literally wrestle a woman from the driver's seat of her vehicle.

The model turned actress had been accused of animal cruelty by several groups for the harsh working conditions she forced on her eyebrows, two ermine caterpillars she found during a walk in the woods.

“The quantity of wood I chuck is my own damn business,” snorted Dubois. “This is racism pure and simple. Nobody’s asking Obama how many goddamned pieces of wood he chucked, or whether he could chuck them in the first place.”

Who really wants to go running when you could be drinking gravy from a mug?

The NRA has decided to focus on health and fitness this week when a study showed that 75% of men who carry guns regularly are not physically fit enough to be of any use during an active shooter situation.

The National Rifle Association has determined that their members should now carry around an extra set of underwear...

A majority of registered Democrats who have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump would actually support the controversial Republican frontrunner in a general election if he simply changed his campaign slogan to something less brash.

To correct that übersehen we celebrate National Ask Nietzsche Day. Instead of asking yourself what Jesus would do, say, when his girlfriend starts yelling out for god during sex, we suggest you ask Nietzsche instead. He is, after all, a savvy advice columnist.

From Our Foreign Correspondent: England's rugby team was beaten to a pulp by foreigners coming in to the country and this must stop if England is ever going to win a World Cup again, claims Theresa May in a speech to the Conservative conference this week.

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com)

Researchers at the prestigious Harvard School of Media Affairs published a jaw-dropping study showing proof-positive results on what makes a person’s mind think in liberal political terms and the influence of ‘Fake News’ from sources like ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Time Magazine, and of course, the Wall Street Journal .

(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts