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LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is dead serious about his recently-announced immigration policy, and he is not waiting until he gets elected. Trump's policy includes the building a a great wall along the entire stretch of the southern border with Mexico, deporting all the estimated 11 Million undocumented…
So majestic BLOOMINGTON, Minnesota--Noted animal rights activist Jasmin Willowtree said today that while she stands by her view that big-game trophy hunting is a cruel and selfish practice, she was left speechless by the stunning beauty of the stuffed and mounted head of Cecil the Lion. "People who feel the desire to take the lives…
Researchers at London's Royal Institute for Domestic Sciences has announced that a matrix algorithm they devised, taking in factors such as food type, geography, level of expertise, celebrity type, history and diet fads, has proved conclusively that every single combination of cookbook is now available at any time to anyone in the world in any form.
Subway’s longtime spokesman, Jared Fogle, will be featured in major biopic. Once called “America’s 6-inch sweetheart,” Jared Fogle, Subway’s longtime spokesman, now finds himself in a world of trouble. In the words of Frederick DeLuca, Subway’s co-founder, “Jared began and ended his career trying to squeeze into smaller pants.”
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie announced he was doubling his protective detail in his home state. The move followed thousands of threats made by New Jersey citizens to "tar and feather" Christie then "run him out of town on a rail."
Local cats could be about to start talking just like a cat on Youtube, below, in what could be their biggest evolutionary step so far as they start to pick up vocabulary from locals.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  Yesterday, we reported that the National Zoo's female giant panda, Mei Xiang, gave birth to a cub, which Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump called an "anchor baby." It turns out that Mei Xiang gave birth to twin cubs a few hours apart, so now Trump has two panda  cubs…
Wallingford, IA – While Donald Trump continues to strike a chord with potential voters with his anti-conventional political antics, he may soon have some serious competition.  Deez Nuts, a candidate born in the small farming country of Iowa, is currently polling third in the state of North Carolina.  
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - At least he is consistent with his views on immigration and birthright citizenship. Recently, Donald Trump laid out his immigration policy wherein he maintained that children born in America of undocumented immigrants should not be automatically considered U.S. citizens. And that includes Chinese pandas born in the National Zoo.…
DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) took part in a special weekend broadcast of Jan Mickelson's extreme-right-wing Iowa radio show. Cruz used the platform to warn Americans "atheist-Muslim-fascist-communist-ISIS-liberal terrorists" wanted to destroy America, religious freedom, and Christianity.
"Mexico Is Magic!" -- a suggested ad campaign by Uncle Sam -- may convince illegal immigrants it's time to go home
After twice being denied unpaid time-off to follow his son's Davenport, Texas baseball team to the Little League World Series last year, Kyle Lawson didn't think twice - he quit his job as a supply clerk and travelled to Williamsport, PA to watch his boy go 0-11 from the plate and make a throwing error that sealed his squad's early elimination from the tournament.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a TNA poll discovered 71% of Americans were in favor of renewed hostilities between Fox News and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. The mutually assured destruction of both lying, far-right, and bigoted entities was seen as a positive for the political discourse of the country.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The latest FOX News-Washington Post poll shows Donald Trump pulling away from his closest Relublican rivals in the presidential race. Latest numbers show Trump at 45% compared to second placers Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush who are now tied at 12%. Trump's poll surge has been largely…
The Department of Transport has confirmed that BMW drivers will continue to be exempt from queueing at roadworks for a further year. ‘We try to give a good half mile notice of lane closures so that non-BMWs can get out of the way, enabling BMWs to get straight to the bottleneck without waiting,’ a spokesman explained.
Donald John Trump’s poll surge has me thinking that Johnny Gentle, a character in David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest might possibly be a prediction made by the late author. Johnny Gentle is written as a former singer and now President of the United States ...
Lake Forest, IL –  February blues.  That’s how 14 year old Manny Worthem puts it.  We found him hanging out at a local Denny’s by himself drinking soda after soda and drowning his sorrows in a massive stack of pancakes.
BANGKOK, Thailand (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Authorities have tripled to $85,000 a reward for information leading to the arrest of the main suspect in the Erawan shrine bombing that killed 20 people at one of Bangkok's top tourist attractions. The increased reward was announced after investigators said that very little progress was being made in locating…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Fox News and conservatives from around the country continued to make respectful statements of support and give their best wishes to former President Jimmy Carter, who announced he has brain cancer and a grim prognosis. The reverent tone of the conservative statements to Carter encouraged many Americans that perhaps all semblance of respectful discourse may not have been removed from their country's politics.
Sunny and Jeremy talk about a Metro Councilman whose email is part of the Ashley Madison hack, and Catfish Stevens tells us about how he threatened to whip Lou Reed's stoned ass.

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