MANSFIELD, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a second grade student named Benjamin Boom earned a sticker for correctly interpreting the Second Amendment by acknowledging the "militia" referenced in the amendment. The Mansfield, Massachusetts pupil cited conservative Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren E. Burger, who called the argument that private citizens have the right to bear arms "a fraud."

Lord Chilcot is reported to be 'delighted' to accept the commission to conduct an impartial inquiry as to why Downing Street this week ruled out an inquiry into the lateness of the Chicot Inquiry. 'It smacks of a cover-up', sources close to Chilcot confided.

NEW YORK, New York (Exclusive to The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It's cliché, but the saying, 'Birds of the same feather flock together' does hold true, especially in politics. Nowhere is this more evident than in the Republican party where self-proclaimed leaders and their believers or followers find delight in singing the same tune. Republican presidential candidate…

Dark forces within the shadow government are unconcerned that Baton Rouge’s water supply is not supplemented with the mind-numbing chemical fluoride, according to an anonymous source with the Baton Rouge Water Company.

HOLLADAY, UTAH (The Nil Admirari) - Today, former Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney announced he was waiting for a "distress message" from the Republican Party, which he expected to beg him to enter the race to be its presidential nominee "soon." Romney confessed he had been watching the Republican race "with joy," and was seriously reconsidering his decision not to run in 2016.

Inspired by Calais refugees, thrill seeking British tourists walking through Channel Tunnel for holidays in France! New craze sees jaded UK tourists sailing to Greek resorts on refugee rafts!

In a rare interview for Esquire this week, actor Andy Serkis credited his meteoric rise in the film industry to modelling the portrayal of Gollum on a train driver he knew on the London Underground.

DALLAS, Texas  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Donald Trump may have been focusing on the wrong country -- Mexico -- in his campaign to end illegal immigration. Building a great wall along the entire stretch of the U.S.-Mexico border has been the focal point of his campaign. A new report from the Migration Policy Institute…

Ponte Vedra Beach, FL – PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem is well liked by players and has helped to create more and more millionaires.  Finchem is looking to take the game of golf to new heights and knows there are some significant hurdles in his way.

Dark-web site says high-fat indulgence "almost as daring as an affair." Also excellent with morning coffee.

BEIJING, CHINA & NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, China announced its stock market would be going on a vacation and the Ministry of Finance would be releasing "highly accurate" stock numbers. Wall Street praised the announcement and continued to encourage Americans to purchase highly inflated stocks before everyone ran out of tricks to hide the symptoms of another looming global economic crisis.

WASHINGTON, D.C.--The United States Supreme Court ruled today 5-4 that size does not matter in any way in matters pertaining to human physiology. "It's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean," said Chief Justice John Roberts, "That's been, not only my personal belief, but a belief shared by our forefathers when…

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is about to get a dose of his own medicine. Trump has been very vocal in the campaign trail about his dislike for immigrants and has called on the Department of Homeland Security to deport all anchor babies -- children born in the U.S.…

‘Nice remote village, but very noisy at night,’ paraphrased a North Korean tourist official, reading the latest entry on Trip Advisor for Panmonjon village, located in the middle of the DMZ. ‘The South are driving tourists away from the DMZ with their propaganda loudspeakers blaring away day and night,’ he said.

New York, NY – The Jolly Green Giant stopped by CBS This Morning today for an unannounced visit.  The show was already filled up with segments about how to cook healthier pork, kids that scream in the grocery store, and a Gayle King editorial about the rising prices of handbags.

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is catching flack for calling for an end to birthright citizenship for children born in the U.S. to illegal immigrants and for using the term “anchor babies.”

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is dead serious about his recently-announced immigration policy, and he is not waiting until he gets elected. Trump's policy includes the building a a great wall along the entire stretch of the southern border with Mexico, deporting all the estimated 11 Million undocumented…

So majestic BLOOMINGTON, Minnesota--Noted animal rights activist Jasmin Willowtree said today that while she stands by her view that big-game trophy hunting is a cruel and selfish practice, she was left speechless by the stunning beauty of the stuffed and mounted head of Cecil the Lion. "People who feel the desire to take the lives…

Researchers at London's Royal Institute for Domestic Sciences has announced that a matrix algorithm they devised, taking in factors such as food type, geography, level of expertise, celebrity type, history and diet fads, has proved conclusively that every single combination of cookbook is now available at any time to anyone in the world in any form.

Subway’s longtime spokesman, Jared Fogle, will be featured in major biopic. Once called “America’s 6-inch sweetheart,” Jared Fogle, Subway’s longtime spokesman, now finds himself in a world of trouble. In the words of Frederick DeLuca, Subway’s co-founder, “Jared began and ended his career trying to squeeze into smaller pants.”