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by DSaying He is “misunderstood,” God took the form of a Chihuahua to meet our reporter in Death Valley. Reporter: (texting madly) “Okay, James, big joke. Here I am in the middle of nowhere baking in Death Valley for my big mystery interview you set up, and there’s no one or nothing in sight for miles.”
Knoxville, TN – Another tragedy has occurred.  This senseless act of violence, once again, is difficult to explain or understand why we choose to harm one another.  The details of the crimes are still developing but here’s what we know so far.
BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari): The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.
SARANGANI, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  No rags to riches story could be more inspiring than that of Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao. Growing up very poor in his home province of Sarangani where at a very young age he had to fend for himself and his family, Pacquiao rose to become one of the…
Three generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. "We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of PhotoShopped beaches, images with pensioners airbrushed out and, of course, you can't smell wee on a web page," said a senior detective working on anti-radicalisation duties with Scotland Yard.
Will the legalization of same-sex marriage destroy the world, as pundits claim? An alien invasion. Labor camps for heterosexuals. Man-dog marriage, followed by man-dog babies… If you think these weird scenarios are extracts from Charlie Sheen’s diary, think again. According to specific socially conservative pundits and right-wing legislators, the legalization of same-sex marriage will destroy [more...]
A formerly beloved celebrity activist and one of social media’s most popular figures, George Takei, has turned to the dark side, it has been declared.
⇩⇩⇩ TNA BREAKING NEWS ⇩⇩⇩ REYNOSA, MEXICO (The Nil Admirari): In the early hours of Friday morning, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump purchased the Mexican art gallery that produced Trump piñatas after Trump stated all illegal Hispanic immigrants were killers and rapists. Piñateria Ramirez was purchased by Trump for $30 million, and Trump says it will now be selling "Mexican Killer" and "Mexican Rapist" piñatas.
The Littlefield Police Department has acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a Department of Defense program that distributes surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the country.
AUGUSTA, MAINE (The Nil Admirari): Republican Governor of Maine Paul LePage announced today the slime covering his entire body was impossible to remove. The slime on LePage has been blamed for his efforts to cut programs for the poor, sick, elderly, children, and virtually every other person in Maine who is not very wealthy.
OK, you whiney bitches, I get it. You’re pissed as fuck we fired Teresa Buchanan as associate professor. Maybe you should be. But goddammit, what else were we supposed to do?
A 3-year-old boy is upset with diaper companies for setting what he calls unreasonable and unhealthy expectations of his peers' appearances.
SAN FRANCISCO, California ( The Adobo Chronicles® ) - You've heard the phrase, "Don't mess with Texas," before. But Californians have just made one thing clear to The New York Times and to the world: "Don't mess with Guacamole!" California  avocado growers, taqueria owners, and guacamole fans criticized NYT for suggesting that people add English green peas…
Donald Trump’s hair said today that it won’t be running for the presidency unlike the dickhead known as Donald Trump upon which it sits.
bThe news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
large crowd gathered to watch the big screen at Wimbledon, now dubbed ‘Timmy’s telly’, as Henman made his commentating debut on the Woman's singles game between Li and Rodionova. However, he was completely out-analysed by Francesco Nova, who was making his debut for SportItalia.
Animals, some as hairy as dogs, are all panting with their tongues out in an attempt to cool down this week as temperatures soar to boiling point in some parts of the country.
Albuquerque, NM – Nelson Rimsplat has been unemployed now for several months.  He was fired from his job at the Albuquerque Zoo for ‘behaviors inappropriate and not in line with the the Zoo’s image.’  For the 3 year Train Zoo Conductor, the firing has given him a sense of liberation.
Donald Trump has had a rough month. After making racist remarks about Mexicans, the GOP presidential candidate and real estate tycoon lost his TV deal with Univision and had his menswear line at Macy's dumped. But Trump is anything but a defeatist, and his staff says he's now "en fuego."

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