Those income figures, however, do not convey as much information about the quality of life in Port Allegany as its crime statistics do. Witness the following annotated crime report for November 14 through 21, this year. Prepare to be staggered.

We’re facing an ‘epidemic’ of loneliness, apparently. It’s all to do with more and more people living on their own and the socially isolating effects of modern technology and communication. Actual, face-to-face human interactions are on the decline. Personally, I think that it is all a load of bollocks.

The Dandy Goat asked presidential candidates Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton to respond to this question: how do you feel about tonight's debate?

Washington DC- (satireworld.com)

First Lady Michelle Obama had the White House basement cleaned to remove all the Bovine Excrement generated for the president by White House Press Secretaries Robert Gibbs, Jay Carney and Josh Earnest. She needed a cool dry place to store all her turnips for this year’s school lunch program.

Those of us who would rather brave root canal without the benefit of anesthesia than submit to invasions of our personal space can take joy in the fact that "tree hugger" and "bunny hugger" are terms of derision in some enlightened circles.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau)  - The rumor mill has been running nonstop in the last week or so in the Philippines, fueled by the eerie silence of President NoyNoy Aquino over two significant national developments in his country -- the massacre of farmers in Kidapawan seeking food from the government and the tragedy in…

Has Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage been converted to the cause of Remain? Has he been secretly brain-washed by EU with aim of sabotaging latest Bexit deal? Or is he victim of black magic plot on part of powerful witch doctor and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn?

The President of the United States, Donald Trump, has pardoned Sean Spicer in what many believe is practice for a series of further pardons later in the year, according to sources close to the president.

Washington DC – (satireworld.com)

The National Weather Service (NWS) has issued a “Hillary Alert” for all 50 states. The following bulletin explains the seriousness of a severe weather event caused by Hillary Clinton.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Previously, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed banning all Muslim travel to the United States in order to prevent ISIS from planning and executing terrorist activity.  Now he also wants to ban all Filipinos. Trump's new call under the war on terror came just hours after the…

THE VATICAN (The Adobo Chronicles, Rome Bureau) - Pope Francis has already publicly apologized for violating a woman at The Vatican a couple of days ago.  The incident where the Pope slapped the hand of a woman pilgrim after she grabbed his hand was caught on video and has gone super viral. But Vatican officials are…

When you cast your ballot, are you voting for a person or the team logo on that faceless candidate’s helmet? Are you voting for an individual with personal beliefs and motivations, or your team’s colors? Blue or red? Crip or Blood?

Green party presidential candidate Jill Stein has taken some heat for pseudo scientific beliefs this election cycle but now she’s taken it to an extreme...

Yang, who made his disclosure this morning on Twitter, has since offered scant details of the assault with any of the major media outlets his revelation has garnered him attention from.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Facebook has added a Minnesota flag filter that users can superimpose on top of their profile pictures, as a gesture of solidarity after last night’s terrorist attack in Minneapolis.

The new viral challenge that is heating up on the internet is American AF

A new report released by the White House today credits the leadership and expertise of President Trump in the midst of the ongoing Coronavirus crisis for stemming a greater outbreak and saving millions of lives.

The focus of investigators since purchasing The Mirage Casino in Las Vegas with winnings he collected from a halftime Super Bowl wager on the New England Patriots in February, 47 year-old former quantum physics professor Daniel Morrissey also reaped millions from bets he made on the Chicago Cubs in October, less than two weeks before the November, 8th election.

“Following this particular set of rules you’d be drinking an entire fifth of bourbon in the first twelve minutes of the debate,” said Murthy. “It’s just not safe, people.”

With a wide range of businesses and services remaining shuttered due to the Coronovirus pandemic, people are developing new skills for things they've previously hired others to do for them. From cooking their own pets to inking their own tattoos, folks are more self-sufficient than ever. Perhaps no DIY project is more important however than one's own mental health, as diagnosing and preventing any early-stage mental illness is more crucial than ever. The following are some tips for maintaining your mental and emotional well-being during these difficult times: