A spokesman for the NPCC explained: ‘If we are to successfully target ethnic minorities – we need to do more than just stop and search. Look at the success the US justice system has had in killing unarmed African-Americans. The sooner we can get something with more poke than a taser, the sooner we can really give in to our inner demons.’

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

"I've just got oodles of space where more shoes, belts, and purses should be," says nature lover.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - Yelp Inc. has filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit against the creators of South Park, seeking damages caused by the latest episode of the popular television show which lampooned the customer review and local business rating website. In response, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of the animated series,…

President Obama reportedly locked himself in his White House bedroom after learning that Ahmed Mohamed, known in the media as ‘Clock Boy,’ is moving to Qatar.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, climate change scientists reframed their argument to appeal to Republicans by releasing "Oceans Invading U.S," a new documentary film warning Americans about a slow, insidious invasion of American soil by tyrannical oceans that surround the United States. TNA viewed the 10-minute film, which asserted, "true patriots must defend America by starving the communist-fascist oceans of an anti-American, possibly Muslim, substance called carbon dioxide."

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Getting his expected presidential run off to a gaffe-tastic start today, Vice-President Joe Biden confused supporters when he announced that he was running for Speaker of the House, instead of seeking the presidency.

Dear Everybody Who Keeps Bitching About Me Skipping Almost All the Gubernatorial Debates:
Just shut the f–k up already.

Deluded film director Quentin Tarantino would like to ban black people from ever watching his films according to a press update from his publicist.

The problem with an old-fashioned egging is that it lacks political nuance. Last Sunday’s assault on Young Conservatives in Manchester has quite rightly been greeted with universal disapproval by the media and it doesn’t really matter that 60,000 people didn’t hurl eggs. One chose to vent their anger in yolk form and it was wrong, […]

I think Trump is saying his immigration policies could have prevented Benghazi. Sometimes it’s tough to interpret stupideze. Retraction: it’s always tough interpreting stupideze. Republican leadership is warning The Donald that he better start sticking to the script, after all, republicans only have one script (Flesch-Kincaid grade level 3). Otherwise, he runs the risk of…

'How will we know what time it is?' asked one terrified city trader. 'I'll probably have to rely on my iPhone and Apple Watch to have the vaguest idea of the time'. Others are worried about oversleeping. 'I live in Watford, it's difficult enough to hear the chimes as it is...

Latest comic book bio features Bernie Sanders, not Donald Trump! In honor of the start of the presidential primary season and on the heels of last month’s successful release of comic book biographies of Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Hillary Clinton, and Donald Trump, StormFront Entertainment (not affiliated in any way with the white nationalist group)...

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Donald Trump's domination as the frontrunner in the race for the Republican nomination for president has finally come to an end. Latest national polls show Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina tied at 23% each to claim the top spot in the Republican field of presidential candidates. Trump has slid to…

"I never knew those dolls were bullet proof. I suppose if you think about it they need to be quite tough or they'll puncture." Jessie Krufts, Scientist

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - We're living in the world of the Millennial  generation where economic necessity begets a culture of sharing. Homeowners share their spare rooms through Airbnb and private car owners share a ride through Uber and Lyft with those who are challenged by mobility -- all for a fee, of course.…

Republican presidential candidate Bobby Jindal is working for extra cash at a pizza buffet chain restaurant in the Des Moines, IA, metropolitan area in order to supplement his anemic campaign finances, according to the establishment’s management.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, House Republican budget talks quickly collapsed over a dispute about what types of donut holes should be available on the conference table for breakfast. Establishment Republicans reached an impasse with the Freedom Caucus and the Tea Party Caucus over plain donut holes and jelly donut holes, respectfully.

From Our Asia Correspondent: China guessed its economic growth at 6.9% today, a full 0.1% above what some analysts had expected would possibly be the figure they plumped for, and just a dot away from 69 one of the most sexy numbers in history, according to statistics released today.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) - Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton said she would seriously consider making Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julian Castro her running mate if she wins her party’s nomination. Clinton and the other Democrats in the November 2016 race for the White House have pushed hard for support among Hispanics, a…