Gulf coast lifeguard Matt Trist is refusing to enter the ocean along the Alabama coast where he works. He is telling his employer that he will only submerge himself in holy water and that "anything else infringes upon his religious freedom."

Pope Francis has spoken of his intention to make annulments easier although, as yet, it is unclear if this relates to a change in his own marital status. However the pontiff has also denied claims that he his been pandering to Tudor monarchs, Mickey Rooney and the cast of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’...

by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Federal agents and bomb-sniffing dogs were dispatched to the office of Dr. Ben Carson in Alexandria, Virginia, shortly after the Republican candidate for president received a suspicious mail package. The package consisted of a Manila envelope that seemed to contain a small metal device. Carson's staff suspected the device…

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - The American Civil Liberties Union held a press conference today to express its hope Kim Davis would unlawfully fire one of her deputy clerks for failing an unconstitutional religious test, doing his job, and not violating the law when Davis returned to work on Monday. The civil rights organization explained it would jump at the chance to show everyone "a real religious liberty lawsuit" by defending a deputy clerk terminated by Davis for following the law - as opposed to Davis' religious beliefs - and issuing same-sex marriage licenses.

Scores of Syrian refugees continue to pour onto Dick Cheney's estate in McLean, Virginia, where an estimated 5,000 have already settled in guest houses and improvised camps on its sprawling lawns over the past several days.

In an awkward farewell to their tenure with the BBC, the Meteorological Office caused consternation today when they predicted that Tuesday morning's weather would only be 'misty'. Radio listeners who hadn't mentally turned off as soon as the forecast started were left confused when the usual 'and murky' was omitted from the forecast.

'Just what is happening with our weather?' demanded Radio 2 listener Colin Pope, 62. 'It can't be just misty. It has to be misty and murky...'

If egomaniac The Donald can do it, why not egomaniac The Kanye? “Let’s not forget that the Terminator once managed the eighth largest economy in the world, so why can’t I, a musician, entrepreneur and demigod, be the one to win back the title of the world’s largest economy from China?

I recently did my bit for Donald Trump on The Spoof. But I’m continuing to support him by reprinting my article here! You’ll see in a moment why I’m doing this

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - For the first time since announcing he was running for president of the United States, Donald Trump went on national television to answer specific questions ranging from creating jobs and the middle class to foreign policy and illegal immigration. It happened on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans thanked the millions of misinformed voters who think they know stuff for giving them control of Congress and making the upcoming October government shutdown possible. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets were also acknowledged for feeding Republican voters a steady, poisonous diet of misinformation that turned them into voters who were more dangerous than uninformed voters.

In another momentous act of humility and grace, Pope Francis has confirmed that he will work 24/7 to enable the Lord to take a 2-week break from planet Earth. The one true God had earlier revealed that he was 'in the midst of a celestial crisis and tired of dealing with the puny sins of humankind'. He bemoaned not taking one day of annual leave since organising the welcome party for His Son into the Kingdom of Heaven.

The super-rich spend billions to buy the president – but your little donation can counter them. For today’s report, I have a bunch of statistics for you. Wait — don’t run away! Where are you going? Come back here and sit still while I drill these stats into your head! It’ll be fun...

HOLLYWOOD, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Yesterday, we reported that the new season series of 'The Muppets' will premiere next Tuesday on ABC with additional new cast featuring 12 of the Republican presidential candidates. One candidate, Cuban American Marco Rubio, was left out of the cast. Upon seeing the promo for the new "Muppets" with…

Joe Biden may not be bright enough to light the Oval Office, but thanks to Barack, he could be the Democratic nominee. WorldsWisestOwl.com

Syrian migrants are set to become this years ‘must have’ accessory, after socialite Paris Hilton was photographed leaving an exclusive Munich fashion store with a desperate refugee clinging to her Louis Vuitton Kusama Pumpkin handbag...

GOP Candidates vie to top each other’s insults after Trump successfully mocks Fiorina WASHINGTON, DC — Donald Trump says he was only talking about Carly Fiorina’s “persona” — not her looks — when he suggested that shuddering Republicans couldn’t possibly vote for “that horsey, arrogant, self-satisfied anorgasmic face.”

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush announced his tax plan to the country yesterday, but quickly changed the after his 10-minute speech. "My wife, Columba, who is Mexican...er, Latina...whatever...and I have discussed this tax plan at length. There's nothing I won't do without her, as I know how important it is to get a Mexican...sorry, Latina, point of view."

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The muppets are back -- bigger, better, smarter and funnier, with a dozen of new cast memebers! The new season of the popular  television series premieres this fall starting Tuesday on ABC. The show will also be available to subscribers of Netflix, Hulu and Direct TV, as…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) warned Americans that listening to Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, and anyone else classified as a "Mad Republican" for even a minute "will absolutely result in concussion-like symptoms." CDC Director Dr. Tom Frieden explained the grade of concussion-like symptoms an American risked depended on how far to the right the Mad Republican speaker they listened to was.