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After promising a ‘stocking-stuffer' like no other…And actually in a real pair of stockings, Santa Claus announced today the new cloning process will allow him to fulfill every male teenagers sexual dream for next Christmas too.
The sun took a massive crap today, unleashing a galactical butt-shower of fire into outer space that's headed our way.
Americans have become used to tirades coming from Donald Trump.  Some that make sense and some not so much.  His latest diatribe came Friday afternoon at the Trump Tower lobby in New York City.
Did Titanic Really Sink in 1912? Conspiracy Theorist Sensationally Claims that Liner Still Afloat and Hosting Cabal of Immortal Celebrities Who Faked Own Deaths!
DENVER (The Barbed Wire) - Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.
Fears were growing last night that Glastonbury festival goers will try to give Kanye West a taste of his own medicine by urinating on him as he performs, according to at least one message on Twitter last night.
NEW YORK (The Barbed Wire) - The Republican presidential field is scrambling this week to find a way forward after the shocking, recent departures of John McCain's BFF, Lindsey Graham, and former New York governor George Pataki. The announcements also crushed the dreams of millions who were hoping to see the first male president named Lindsey.
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA (The Nil Admirari): Today, the South Carolina legislature banned the Confederate flag from state government in response to last week's racially motivated shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church that killed nine black churchgoers. Governor Nikki Haley praised the move, but cautioned it involved compromising with the flag's supporters who demanded all homes and businesses in South Carolina hang a visible portrait of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the U.S. Department of Reality released a report that concluded seizing a federal building and daring federal agents to attack you in order to incite a deadly confrontation were almost certainly acts of terrorism and treason. This conclusion was inevitable, regardless of why the federal building was seized.
AUGUSTA, MAINE (The Nil Admirari): Republican Governor of Maine Paul LePage announced today the slime covering his entire body was impossible to remove. The slime on LePage has been blamed for his efforts to cut programs for the poor, sick, elderly, children, and virtually every other person in Maine who is not very wealthy.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - “The media was consumed with stories about Americans have to be on the lookout for ISIS attacks and terror attack expected and, oooh, shark attacks, but I will bet you by the end of the weekend more Americans will have been killed by Mexicans than by ISIS or…
DAMASCUS, Syria (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The U.S. appears to be losing some ground in the war on terror in Syria. CNN is reporting that ISIS is advancing on two fonts: Times New Roman and Arial Bold.  
Planned Parenthood is issuing a nationwide recall of all parts purchased in the last ten years, admitting that they pose a serious public relations threat.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - A day after its successful flyby, NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft sent back the first close-up photos of Pluto. The piano-sized spacecraft traveled nine years and three billion miles to study the dwarf planet and its five moons. (On Aug. 24, 2006, the International Astronomical Union (IAU), an organization of professional…
Blaming a clerical error for the initial oversight, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has amended this year’s list of nominees for Best Actor, adding Craig Robinson for his performance in “Hot Tub Time Machine 2.”
MANILA, Philippines  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If it weren't for the statute of limitations and American comedian Bill Cosby would be charged for alleged multiple rapes he committed, his only way out would be in the Philippines. By marrying his accusers. Republic Act 8353 (The Anti-Rape Law of 1997), absolves the rapist from criminal…
HOLLYWOOD ( — Even the best of the best falter from time to time. Audience reaction to Steven Spielberg’s latest film, The Ride of Paul Revere, which debuted in selected theaters on Friday, was anger and confusion over sitting through a two-hour movie that was shot with the camera in the vertical, or “portrait,” format.
Strengths/Weaknesses Breakdown For Donald Trump's Imminent Presidency
THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Pentagon thanked Fox News for encouraging idiots with guns to "guard" recruitment centers in Wisconsin, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, and elsewhere after the July 16th gun attacks on two unarmed military posts that killed five. The Army Recruiting Command especially wanted to thank Fox News for creating a situation where unarmed servicemen have to guess if random men armed with guns outside of their posts are going to attack them or "protect" them.

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