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"It's far too close to a hotdog, almost cannibalism." Kent Rugby, Catcher
Only days after we published pictures of some royal family or other joking about and playing Hitler in the back garden in 1933, evidence that supermarkets are making customers do the Hitler Salute when getting items from high shelves has been shown to this investigative newspaper for the first time.
Batavia, IL –  Researchers from a lab in Batavia recently reported that the number of pills in the world are quickly overtaking the human population.  For every one person, there are approximately six pills floating somewhere out there in the world.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Joe Biden briefed media today on his upcoming schedule, the status of several projects his office is working on, and his mastery of a deadly effective karate move that is virtually impossible to defend. “We’ll be in Omaha on Wednesday and Boise the following day,” Biden said, “And I’m going to request…
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - No publicity is bad publicity. A new  Adobo Chronicles® poll shows Donald Trump leading all  Republican candidates for president by 40%, up from 20% the previous week. Trump's surge has been attributed to the killing of Cecil, the Zimbabwe lion by an American dentist, an incident that has outraged…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced all of his paid campaign staff were going to be considered volunteers for the foreseeable future due to a severe lack of money. Perry said he did not think it was a bad sign for his presidential bid, and adopted the brand new position that money should have no place in politics.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If elected president of the United States, Republican candidate Donald Trump says he will deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants now living in the country.  And he wants to do more. He says he will seek to change the 14th Amendment that gives citizenship rights to all individuals born…
Political Storm Over Tabloid Claims About Corbyn's 'Disrespectful' Pose in Labour Nude Charity Calender. Party Denies Allegations of Leader Using Poppy to Cover Privates in November Picture.
"Did anybody count how many thin people were in that queue?" Jessie Krufts, Twitter Troll
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two of the national minority joirnalism organizations have issued advisories urging the media to refrain from using the term, 'anchor baby,' which commonly refers to a child born in the U.S. to non-citizen parents. The Asian American Journalists Association  (AAJA) and the National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ)…
SANTA CLARA, CA — According to several reports from eyewitnesses that have seen him just hours before Super Bowl 50 is t…
The BBC started filming the prequel to Lady Chatterley's Lover, by DH Lawrence, in Lower under Haye, Monday, sources close to the kennels have revealed.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a senior campaign staffer close to Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton confirmed a popular psychic from the late 1990s named "Miss Cleo" had warned Mrs. Clinton of a "horrible Berning in 2016." Clinton laughed at questions from the press about the private discussion she took part in with Miss Cleo, and stated she was "not very concerned about any psychic reading I allegedly received this morning."
Chancellor Plans to Boost UK Manufacturing by Forcing Poor to Literally Consume Goods. Scheme to 'Eat Deficit' by Conspicuous Consumption Condemned by Economists and Medics Alike.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The muppets are back -- bigger, better, smarter and funnier, with a dozen of new cast memebers! The new season of the popular  television series premieres this fall starting Tuesday on ABC. The show will also be available to subscribers of Netflix, Hulu and Direct TV, as…
45 year-old truck driver and avowed white supremacist Luke Chandler of Alabaster, Alabama finished his appearance on Jeopardy this Thursday with a score of –22,600, a new record low for any contestant on the game show since its inception in 1964.
TORONTO — Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant maintained his composure during a touching All-Star pregame ceremony hon…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, over two thousand analysts from the conservationist organization Help Save Republican Facts announced it still had not found a single fact voiced by any Republican presidential candidate during Wednesday's debate hosted by CNN. Help Save Republican Facts also declared 77% of its researchers were suffering from acute anxiety attacks after watching the entire second Republican debate numerous times in search of facts.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Department of Reality released a report warning Congressional Republicans a government shutdown would disrupt significant government spending and harm an already weak economy. Republicans responded to the "Shutdown Bad for Economy" report by ignoring the estimated $24 billion price tag from the 2013 government shutdown, and vowing to defund the Department of Reality for "using facts to advance a partisan agenda."
EARTH — World War III has broken out after a party cruise hosted by New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sailed…

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