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A new case study shows that squeezing into skinny jeans may make you look fat. The Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry reported on Tuesday that doctors should take note and relay the information to their patients. The urgent message came after a woman in her mid-30s wearing skinny jeans took a look at herself in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at her.
A new study has confirmed something women have been complaining about for years. The research, out of the University of Breast Information and published in the current issue of Big Boob Magazine essentially corroborates the belief that people tend to focus more on the breasts and figure of a woman when analyzing her appearance than they do on her face.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States confessed they were purposely ignoring U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - as much as they could. The corporate media syndicate asserted Sanders was "too serious" about running for president, and his focus on all the negative characteristics of the United States made him "too pessimistic and objective" for an American public that must focus on being afraid of terrorism, conformity to the status quo, celebrity drama, and... Donald Trump.
White people around the globe can celebrate today after once again being named the top race in the world by the International Racist Institute of Greenville, South Carolina.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari): Louisiana Governor Piyush "Bobby" Jindal announced today he intended to perform an exorcism on the hair of fellow Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. The exorcism on the demon-possessed locks was requested by Trump, who heard Jindal had performed an exorcism on a friend while he attended Brown University.
Boston, MA – (SatireWorld.com)
Researchers at the prestigious Harvard Medical School published a jaw-dropping study showing proof-positive results on what makes a person’s mind think in liberal political terms. After an exhausting 10 year study, over 5,000 local Boston residents and university students were given tests and DNA samples were taken in an effort to disprove several current theories. The opposite results startled researchers including Dr. Adam Feidler who wrote a 4,500 page peer reviewed paper on liberal thought patterns and its effect on the brain.
Americans have become used to tirades coming from Donald Trump.  Some that make sense and some not so much.  His latest diatribe came Friday afternoon at the Trump Tower lobby in New York City.
SURF CITY, NC (The Barbed Wire) - Marine biologists are saying that the local shark population are "jumping the shark" in their attempt to bolster ratings for The Discovery Channel's Shark Week television show which started this week. "Jumping the shark" is a term used to describe some gimmick used as an attempt to keep viewer's attention.
Actor and comedian said sitting around complaining to Larry King about kids today while waiting for the statute of limitations to kick in "was one of the most rewarding distractions of my career."
Athens, Greece – Meetings broke Saturday evening without an agreement on whether other nations will provide Greece its third financial bailout since 2010.
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles) - A coalition of protesters briefly took over the Trump Towers in Las Vegas on Christmas eve, unfurling a huge banner from the building's penthouse that had a 'thumbs down' sign to indicate disapproval of all that the Republican presidential candidate stands for. The protesters included Muslims, Mexican Immigrants, women…
Here are the stickier points and stipulations of the EU-Greek deal, otherwise known as the Euro Summit Statement on Greece.
Commentary by Boustina Garubee -- I met Bill Cosby while on a business trip to Chicago about ten years ago...
"It's far too close to a hotdog, almost cannibalism." Kent Rugby, Catcher
Only days after we published pictures of some royal family or other joking about and playing Hitler in the back garden in 1933, evidence that supermarkets are making customers do the Hitler Salute when getting items from high shelves has been shown to this investigative newspaper for the first time.
Batavia, IL –  Researchers from a lab in Batavia recently reported that the number of pills in the world are quickly overtaking the human population.  For every one person, there are approximately six pills floating somewhere out there in the world.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Joe Biden briefed media today on his upcoming schedule, the status of several projects his office is working on, and his mastery of a deadly effective karate move that is virtually impossible to defend. “We’ll be in Omaha on Wednesday and Boise the following day,” Biden said, “And I’m going to request…
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.
Lead poisoning in the water didn't do it. Running out of fresh water to distribute didn't do it. But the Governor is optimistic that the new outbreak of Legionnaires' disease "will make it happen."

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