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Chancellor Plans to Boost UK Manufacturing by Forcing Poor to Literally Consume Goods. Scheme to 'Eat Deficit' by Conspicuous Consumption Condemned by Economists and Medics Alike.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The muppets are back -- bigger, better, smarter and funnier, with a dozen of new cast memebers! The new season of the popular  television series premieres this fall starting Tuesday on ABC. The show will also be available to subscribers of Netflix, Hulu and Direct TV, as…
45 year-old truck driver and avowed white supremacist Luke Chandler of Alabaster, Alabama finished his appearance on Jeopardy this Thursday with a score of –22,600, a new record low for any contestant on the game show since its inception in 1964.
TORONTO — Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant maintained his composure during a touching All-Star pregame ceremony hon…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, over two thousand analysts from the conservationist organization Help Save Republican Facts announced it still had not found a single fact voiced by any Republican presidential candidate during Wednesday's debate hosted by CNN. Help Save Republican Facts also declared 77% of its researchers were suffering from acute anxiety attacks after watching the entire second Republican debate numerous times in search of facts.
Shocking new details of last year’s controversial nuclear accord between the Obama Administration and Iran have been revealed to the Dandy Goat, fueling outrage over what is widely viewed as a humiliating defeat for the United States.
PORTLAND, OR — The social media community is in mourning, as one of this newspaper’s own contributors, Jess E. Hadden, has gone into hiding. Two weeks ago, he disappeared from Facebook. Now, he’s disappeared from Twitter — and nobody knows how to reach him.
SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a Massachusetts man with serious health problems and crippling medical debt announced Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont may have progressive policy solutions to help him avoid financial ruin, disability, and death, but he disliked Sanders' record on guns. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, cited Sanders' NRA rating of "D-" as the reason why he openly supported Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump, "who always says what is on his mind..."
The Southern Poverty Law Center, a civil rights organization most famous for its meticulous listing of so-called hate groups, has surprised supporters and critics alike by listing itself as a hate group.
In response to the hardships many refugee men face in growing and maintaining full beards, a Seattle-based organization is encouraging hipsters in the city to donate their facial hair.
The U.S. border patrol is on maximum alert tonight after warnings that Hurricane Joaquin may try to enter the United States by doubling back on its current track and sneaking across the border from Mexico.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - Yesterday, we reported that Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao is running for a seat in the Philippine Senate.  But the congressman from Saranggani province has a not-so-perfect record in the House of Representatives. Pacquiao earned the distinction of racking up the biggest number of absences in the 15th Congress. He…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, teabaggers in the House of Representatives stated they "didn't care" who was the next Speaker of the House and announced their intention to burn down the Capitol Building after years of failing to completely paralyze the government, make it default on its debts, and destroy the American economy. The teabagging members of Congress explained they "were tired" of trying to use "unAmerican and unpatriotic law-based methods" to impose their uncompromising extreme-right objectives on the country, and were "being forced to burn down the Capitol Building by Repu
Kodiak – Observers to the recent friendship and alliance that bears and wolves have formed are impressed, yet startled at the bond they have created.
Anaheim, CA – Most of the nation’s foremost experts in the field of Christianity will meet in in November of 2016 to discuss a variety of key topics.  This meeting of the Christian Leadership Alliance will pull in only the best of the best to reflect specifically on the current ending of The Lord’s Prayer.
Are Man's Trousers Haunted by Evil Spirit of Sex Offender? Exorcism Performed on Possessed Pantaloons Following Paranormal Phenomena in Groin Area, Including Ectoplasm and Bizarre Bulging!
I make it a rule never to argue with drunks. Not even when I'm drunk myself. But especially not when I'm sober - alcoholic intoxication impairs the ability
ARTISANAL PRESS — The United States Congress passed a motion during a special session this weekend, heretofore designating the popular deep-fried potato strips menu item in the Congressional cafeteria as “French fries.” The motion was intended as a display of solidarity with the people of France, following the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was drafting all of her campaign donors between the ages of 18 and 25 for ground combat roles in the war she planned to fight against the Islamic State (ISIS) following her inauguration in 2017. Clinton touted her gender inclusiveness in the process, and noted both men and women were being automatically volunteered for military service to fight in her future Middle East wars of choice.
Being locked up deprives you of plenty of things that make life bearable — surgical gender reassignment can simply be added to the list.

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