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Explaining that Jesus is too valuable a property to enter the heart of "every loser with his putz in a wringer," the Lord God Almighty warned that Jesus would be entering fewer hearts this year; and he would not be doing back-to-backs, i.e., entering two hearts in consecutive minutes.
A stark contrast to Time Magazine's selection of Climate Change activist Greta Thunberg as their Person of the Year, Fox cited the Wilmington, North Carolina girl's 'quintessentially American' lifestyle for their decision to honor her.
Wanna know what to get that genderfluid person you friended last summer? Facebook can steer you to Etsy without your feeling a thing. How about those polygenders you haven't got a clue about, literally and gift wise? REDBUBBLE will welcome you into the bubble.
Trompe l'oeil (tromp LOY) or "trick of the eye" is the technique of using realistic imagery to create an optical illusion of depth and thereby fucking with people's minds. The term originated with a trickster named Louis-Léopold Boilly (1761-1845), who used it as the title of a painting he exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1800.
"The wrong piece of evidence can get a defendant convicted," the judge said. "So we make every effort to head that off before it becomes a problem."
Kirill Morozov is a twenty-year-old from Belarus with a bad haircut, some incriminating facial tattoos, and hell hounds on his trail. Postcards from the Pug Bus is the first U.S. satire site to break his story.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In a rare show of unity and non-partisanship, Philippine Senators unanimously approved a resolution demanding that the U.S. government immediately release all prisoners from Guantanamo Bay. As of latest available information resulting from a Google search, about 40 detainees remain at the U.S.-leased detention center in Cuba.  Many of…
Those of us who would rather brave root canal without the benefit of anesthesia than submit to invasions of our personal space can take joy in the fact that "tree hugger" and "bunny hugger" are terms of derision in some enlightened circles.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - It is being reported on social media that Bono and U2 were booed by members of the audience during a concert held last weekend at the Mall of Asia Arena in Manila.  The reason? Bono dedicated the song, “Ultra Violet” to Rappler CEO Maria Ressa and flashed her face on…
If a nation can be judged by what it celebrates, the United States is fucked six ways to Sunday and back. Today is National Gingerbread House Day, If that doesn't curdle your testicles, how about these gems: National Rubber Ducky Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day, National Barbie Day, National Hairball Awareness Day, et al.
Those soccer moms and their male-pattern-baldness, girly-man, yes-ma'am allies are at it again. Having come for your candy cigarettes and Four Loko, they're coming for your plastic straws. Here's how to thwart them.
Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister's alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.
Parliamentarians fear any attempt to arrest law breaking Prime Minister Boris Johnson might result in parliament being smashed by his Hulk alter ego. Experts, however, believe if Johnson allowed to break law with impunity, law breaking will be legitimised and the UK overwhelmed by lawlessness.
Several old cans of film dug up from a field reveal a sensational wartime secret involving a lost British pornographic propaganda film. Was 'Spanked by the Swastika' banned because of fears it made Nazis sexually attractive, or because it made bondage available to the masses?
If Brexit has ‘broken’ Britain, with opinion on leave or remain splitting the population down the middle, is the solution to break up Britain? Cross party political group propose North-South split, with South staying in EU and North cast adrift. Strict North to South immigration rules suggested to protect Southern jobs.
Is government planning to sell UK to Donald Trump post-Brexit? Former Tory adviser suggests sale would solve UK's problems in event of no deal Brexit by obviating need for trade deals and replacing expensive public services with Trump corporate services.
To correct that übersehen we celebrate National Ask Nietzsche Day. Instead of asking yourself what Jesus would do, say, when his girlfriend starts yelling out for god during sex, we suggest you ask Nietzsche instead. He is, after all, a savvy advice columnist.
"People have to flush 50, 100 times," President Trump announced to the press this morning.
In 2009 President Barack Obama warned that "a critical shortfall of gravity brought on by the "failed gravitational policies of the past" was the greatest existential threat facing this country. "The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world's population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity," the president explained.
Need a gun, drugs, and counterfeit money? Software to hack into your fucktard neighbor's computer or somebody to kill the bastard outright? What about login credentials to a $50,000 Bank of America account for $500? If these sound tailored to meet your personal needs or if you're truly into kiddie porn, you ought to be X-mas shopping on the Dark Web.

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