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Tweet Tower—With the country still reeling from Animal and Crazy Harry’s attempt to blow up the White House, Muppet legends Statler and Waldorf attempted a grey-hair-brained scheme of their own. Taking advantage of the chaotic aftermath of Comey’s departure and what Statler referred to as “an obvious lapse in security”, the pair went all Dickens on…
After Obama lost his government health insurance, he found he couldn’t afford Obamacare WASHINGTON, DC — In an ironic turn of events, President Obama has begun selling his belongings in order to afford healthcare coverage on his very own Obamacare exchange.
According to a survey conducted by the American Research Society, thirty-something-year old men all over the world are still responding randomly to questions with the phrase, “your mom”. And finding it funny.
Fresh off his gaffe involving President Andrew Jackson and the Civil War, Donald Trump has made yet another historical faux pas regarding the “War of Northern Aggression.” In an interview with The Red Shtick, Trump regaled us with his other thoughts on the war that an angry Jackson totally saw coming.
The Red Shtick’s intern Dave Robicheaux managed to catch up with President Donald Trump before he hopped on Hair Force One to leave New Orleans and head back to Mar-a-Lago. Still a bit ruffled after his recent Colonel Sanders debacle, Trump was not in the mood for another interview, but he was finally persuaded with a bucket of fresh KFC.
Released from her monthslong confinement to a closet in the West Wing of the White House, Kellyanne Conway took over for Sean Spicer at a daily press briefing in which she addressed her previous comments about the Bowling Green Massacre.
While some bystanders were shocked, others cheered as Melania Trump, FLOTUS, was removed in handcuffs. Barron Trump was said to have appeared apathetic to his mother’s fate.
EXCLUSIVE: Sean Spicer is somewhere in the picture above, hiding in the bushes to avoid questions over Russian connections to the Donald Trump administration yesterday, according to sources close to the lawn.

Spicer, the Senior White House Press Officer, took calls whilst in hiding and sent his assistant to the Press Room to answer questions instead.
A bombshell went off early this week when it was revealed that the top moderator of the subreddit is in fact the top dog of the Trump administration, Donald Trump himself.
If I got eaten, nobody would be sour on me anymore. They’d use words like “valiant” to describe my life and valiant death.
Australian MP Willy Packer has made history in becoming the first MP to take a dump during congress. Hot on the heels of the first ever breast feed earlier in the day, the 58 year old from Queensland requested permission to exercise his right to have a ‘good clear out’ ahead of a lengthy debate...
Apparently the term ‘Deplorables’ is not wildly popular amongst those deplorable people among us, so how about the ‘Unreachables’ or the ‘Irredeemables’? Or maybe we should channel some Vizzini and go with the ‘Inconceivables’? Our president enjoys historically bad early approval ratings and he’s flip flopped on almost every major campaign promise, yet only an astounding 2% of Trump supporters show any…
A new strain of stress disorder is wreaking havoc on Americans. An epidemic is sweeping the nation, causing sufferers to experience feelings of hopeless doom, certain annihilation and cataclysmic collapse. It’s an existential plague manifesting itself by enveloping the stricken in a black cloud of despairing suicidal thoughts.
MILAN (AP) – In an inspirational case of walking the walk (in this case, literally), former President Barack Obama arrived on foot to make a speech on climate change at the “Seed & Chips: The Global Food Innovation Summit” in the city of Milan, Italy.
#5 Slain by a disgruntled former Trump University Ph.D. candidate.
#16 Hospitalized with a rare combination of electile dysfunction, cognitive gangrene and unmitigated gallstones. Sad.
Why isn’t everybody talking about this? The Orange Cheeto Dictator continues to dismantle everything President Obama ever did, regardless of how beneficial it was to the American people.
What is it about the world of gambling which attracts the wealthy? Why is it depicted as a past time for the wealthy, but an addiction for the workers? Is it all a question of class?
After the House of Representatives passed its repeal of Obamacare on Thursday, there was plenty of speculation about the replacement plan, which likely will be known as Trumpcare. Many questions abounded, including who would oversee the transition, which President Donald Trump moved quickly to address.
Over there is something absolutely tremendous. It’s incredible. Believe me. Over there is something so much more interesting than whatever you’re looking at now. So you really ought to look over there.
MENLO PARK (AP) – A recent much-publicized effort by Facebook to stop the spread of “fake news” on its social media pages turned out to be nothing more than fake news propagated by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg as a cheap PR stunt.

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