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Tweet Tower—Two members of the White Council descended from the Misty Mountains of Rivendell today to bestow unto President Trump the coveted Sword of Tweétit-nuiân. The High Elves complained of boredom since the conclusion of the whole “ring thing” and felt ready to “stir some shit up again.” They stand ready to come to the aid of the armies of men once more. Rivendell…
The FBI traditionally offers peripheral players plea deals, working inward like termites of justice. The initial grand jury indictments in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation have dropped like a box of rocks and include something...
Condor, CA – (

The buying rush has officially began in parts of the US as hundreds of thousands of former Hillary Clinton supporters rush out to buy new shelter for themselves and their families before the impending mid-term elections.
Westminster Abbey, London – (
During the procession of bride Kate Middleton, Baron Ilford Montbatten was quietly escorted from the main gallery of Westminster Abbey after a complaint was lodged against him with the Metropolitan Police. The complaint was signaled to officers by Pippa Middleton, the bride’s sister and Maid of Honor. Pippa said she observed Montbatten powering up his x-ray vision glasses as she passed holding her sister’s bridal train in full view of spectators.
Already pushed to the limit by the 45th President’s relentless Tweeting, the nation became unglued as he utilized the new 280 character limit.
“K-PAX” star Kevin Spacey alleges he was groped by “Pay It Forward” star Kevin Spacey.
President Trump's embattled former campaign manager Paul Manafort was shot by an Atlantic City night-club owner today as he was being transported from his Trump Tower condo to a New York City-area detention center for his own safety.
Detectives discovered yet another victim in a string of unsolved murders committed by the infamous 1980s trivia fan, the "Legwarmer Murderer".
Madina, Saudi Arabia – (

A Saudi woman said to be haunted by jinn (Genie spirits) beat and tortured herself for hours with fire until she fell unconscious and died later at hospital.
New York NY – (
Mrs. Philbert suggested we get away from Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky for a few days, now that the 2016 elections were over and only a few “lame ducks” remain in Washington DC. We decided to motor to “The Big Apple” New York City (NYC). Our first mistake was in using Interstate 80 and trying to cross the George Washington Bridge during the evening rush hour. Things went downhill from there!
Trump has always had an affinity for Steely Dan’s Aja (pronounced Asia), and he really wants to delve deeper into the significance of the 1977 album.
The farting, the boozing, the singing, the lamenting... good grief, what a bunch of lazy, pretentious midgets with nothing to do but stir up drama.
While the deactivation of President Trump’s Twitter account has caused consternation, very few people have noticed the absence of Mr, Trump on Friends Reunited. Likewise social media users seem unconcerned that the President has been inactive on iTunes Ping from 2012 and following tensions with North Korea, has barely posted on Friendster. Initially a rogue...
Washington, DC—Earlier today a shipment of methampethamine with an estimated 26K street value arrived at the headquarters of Special Prosecutor Rober Mueller. The stimulants were sent to his 17-lawyer team presumably in an effort to speed things up a bit. Mueller told the press today that he is very grateful for the gesture, but when…
In a surprise find, analogous to the one recently in an Egyptian pyramid, a team of researchers has detected a mysterious giant void inside President Donald Trump’s head.

Orlando, FL – (

A judge with a sense of humor charged a man with using a weapon of mass destruction during a Catholic church service. The man, Percival Pissgums of Orlando, Florida, was arrested after repeatedly passing gas in St. Anthony’s Cathedral.
President Trump today sought to put some distance between another figure in his administration who met with Russian diplomats, his son-in-law, Jared.
I can't help but wonder, are the things that made me an unappealing romantic companion to Gretchen the same things that make me an unappetizing meal to witches?
Regional rail enthusiasts Later Anglia are countering the recent cold snap by boosting the temperature in their rail cars to levels that can vaporise tungsten, it has been confirmed. Combined with the recent chill caused by high pressure and a polar maritime air mass across the UK, the company’s latest thermal adjustments mean that commuters...
Tweet Tower—Just ahead of Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s first wave of pending indictments, President Trump scrambled to set up a deal with FedEx to get some serious overnight shipping accomplished. The president told the press today, “By Monday morning, ahead of Mr. Mueller’s fake indictments, which should be sent to Hillary anyway, I have delivered…

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