Washington DC – (satireworld.com)
The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has released an early list of 10 approved safe children’s toys for holiday presents and gift giving, suitable for lay-away plans if you have a job. CPCS notes that these toys are safe, but may be scary.

In his ongoing quest to delegitimize Donald Trump’s presidency, Michael Moore is now urging Americans to flush their toilets en masse when Mr. Trump takes the oath of office on inauguration day.

After having several demonstrations hounded out of towns and cities across England, Britain First has decided that some positive PR is in order. Their first move is a new name.

With his family lacking health insurance and unable to pay for a pricey prosthetic, Jordan Liddle had resigned himself to being limbless long-term - that is until a group of his fellow Meriwether Lewis Middle School came together to give their friend a new lease on life.

Is Boris Johnson the 'Top Trumper' Behind Super Injunction to Gag Reporting of Explosive Farting? Neighbours of Unnamed Top Politician Tell of How His Early Morning Wind Breaking is Destroying Their Lives!

Seattle WA – (satireworld.com)
Amazon Corporate Management announced a plan to ship small packages from their local city distribution facilities up to 10 miles, at an altitude of 500 feet (below manned aircraft altitudes), via commercial unmanned drone aircraft. The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) dragged their bureaucratic feet for six months before producing commercial unmanned drone regulations.

The inadvertent alert, which sent millions of Hawaiians scrambling for cover, would never have happened if it weren't for those pesky orange jellybeans.

I’m sick of these huge media organizations with their resources wasting everyone’s time with their researched stories and live updates of developing stories that turn out different than how they were initially reported...

Red Shtick sources say LaRouge Mart on Jefferson Highway continues to do a brisk business selling craft gasoline for roughly 50 cents per gallon more than the competition, which suits customers just fine.

by Mark Adam Lowton
For the past few years, I’ve been a real dick to everyone. I have run off most of my friends and the people that worked with me and for me. I’ve banned writers from my publication for little or no reason. I’ve gone out of my way to treat Americans like shit. I’ve been inconsistent in just about every aspect of my life.
Now I know why. I’ve got Mad Cow Disease.

Sources close to Donald Trump revealed that the President-elect is concerned that news of Russian hacking and Russia's campaign to manipulate the result of the election may lead people to the conclusion that Russia manipulated the result of the election.

"Over 81% of Americans didn't even realize it's just one big evolving war in Iraq where we try to fix our mistakes and only seem to make it worse. It's been going on for over a quarter of a century now," reported Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider.

NAGA CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Not everyone is against U.S. President Donald Trump’s  campaign promise and vision to build a great wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. Philippines’ Vice President Leni Robredo like’s Trump’s idea as a way to permanently protect Filipinos living in and around her country’s most active volcano, Mayon. The…

Brian Haldane joins Jeremy White and Sunny Weathers to talk about Bobby Jindal's weak-ass pushups, Woody Jenkins' even weaker radio station, and Lenny Kravitz's solid piece.

Halfway through his self-congratulatory speech, the president paused to award himself the distinguished "Greatest President Ever" medal. He almost blushed when telling the crowd that he was the first and only recipient of the award.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Love continues to blossom between the Filipinos and Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg. First, Facebook launched free Internet in the Philippines in order to enable more Filipinos to have access to important information via their mobile devices. Now, Zuckerberg is providing Filipino netizens with the opportunity to watch the…

The prospect of a Zika virus pandemic has a lot of people worried. That’s why we’re offering five simple steps you can take to avoid contracting Zika.

Punxsutawney PA:
Punxsutawney Phil is a fabled groundhog living in Punxsutawney PA. On February 2 (USA Groundhog Day) each year, the town of Punxsutawney celebrates this legendary groundhog with a festive atmosphere of music, food and drink. During the traditional ceremony, which begins before the winter sunrise, Phil emerges from his temporary home on Gobbler’s Knob, located about two miles from town.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) -ABC News is reporting that President-elect Donald Trump has cancelled a visit to the National African American Museum due to a scheduling conflict.  He was scheduled to visit the museum on Martin Luther King Day. Well, it appears that it is not just the museum visit he is…

Altoona, PA – (SatireWorld.com)

Birthday girl Clara Cowell has proved that it’s never too late to change bad habits. At 102 years old, she finally quit smoking after picking up the habit in 1931. She didn’t quit smoking because of her health which is fine, but finally stopped the habit because her family was worried that falling ash would set her house on fire.