Real estate mogul's wife Melania says she'll go willingly when the time comes.

ST. LAWRENCE ISLAND, Alaska--David Carnak, a Yupik tribesman who has lived his entire life in this Arctic village, reported today that while he is concerned by the potential long-term environmental harm posed by global warming, he is actually pretty grateful to see fewer and fewer polar bears these days. "The oil companies will face their…

The pig in the now infamous, and completely denied, David Cameron and pig picture has been found, according to online sources.

'Phwoarr, wouldn't mind giving 'er a column on a regular basis!' remarked Rusbridger to a barrage of male laughter. Other members of staff agreed it was an excellent idea, including features writer George 'Balls of Steel' Monbiot.

The Pope is coming, and Philadelphia is getting ready. Pope Francis will be in town from September 26-27, which the locals have begun referring to as “Pope Weekend.” Large sections of the city will be closed to traffic, all major highways in and out of Philadelphia will be shut down...

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  Overwhelmed by the Pope's presence, and the enlightenment of The Holy Spirit, a tearful and repentant House Speaker John Boehner promised to lead the Republican Party to institute major reforms long resisted by the GOP. Pope Francis addressed a joint session of the U.S. Congress this morning, calling on…

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is done with FOX News, and CNN couldn't be happier. Trump has reignited his war of words with FOX, vowing on his Twitter account that he will stay off the network for the “foreseeable future.” Trump declared in a tweet Wednesday morning that he…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, American millennials reflected on how many things needed to be fixed in the wake of their parents, which they concluded were members of the "Most Selfish Generation" in American history. Millennials realized the Most Selfish Generation was giving them "a colossal mess to clean up" due to its refusal to pay for anything it uses, its conscious decision not to invest in any future projects other than military expenditures, and its embrace of social conflicts meant to distract Americans while the super-rich rob everyone else in broad daylight and exa

Having finally laid to rest their classic horror monsters by pitching them against Abbott and Costello in a series of cheap B-movies, Universal Pictures, desperate to prop up the dire duo’s film career, turned their attention to another of their best loved franchises - Sherlock Holmes.

The sinkhole cited Vitter’s pro-hole track record in announcing its support of the Republican’s bid for governor.

Although the Prime Minister was keen to talk about international bank rates, the situation in the Mediterranean and the cooler autumn weather, Her Majesty kept coming back to the unspecified accusations she had heard about on Radio 4 news.

JACKSON, WYOMING (The Nil Admirari) - Former Vice President Dick Cheney announced today he was running for president and hoped to be the Republican nominee. Cheney said his presidency would strive "to complete the important work started by President George W. Bush and repair the damage President Obama has done."

PENSACOLA, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles®) - The District Attorney's office in Pensacola is preparing to file charges against a puppy who shot and wounded a Florida man yesterday. The man who  tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on his .38-caliber revolver’s trigger. Jerry Allen Bradford, 37,…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Department of Reality released a report warning Congressional Republicans a government shutdown would disrupt significant government spending and harm an already weak economy. Republicans responded to the "Shutdown Bad for Economy" report by ignoring the estimated $24 billion price tag from the 2013 government shutdown, and vowing to defund the Department of Reality for "using facts to advance a partisan agenda."

Everyone you know or have ever heard of is taking illegal drugs, involved in some kind of nefarious deception or shagging the pants off someone they shouldn't be, a new study suggests.

by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

WASHINGTON, D.C.  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Remember Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the couple who gatecrashed a 2009 White House dinner honoring Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh? Well, they're at it again. The Salahis managed to get into the guest list for Wednesday's welcoming ceremony for Pope Francis at the White House South Lawn. Secret Service personnel…

NEW YORK CITY--The NFL is investigating allegations that New England Patriots head coach Bill Belicheck has been sneaking into New York Giants team facilities and leaving dangerous fireworks lying around, easily accessible to Giants players and coaches.  Four Giants players, including defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul and quarterback Eli Manning, have lost appendages playing with the…