The Trump Administration gave endangered status to five species of White American Wage Earners today, replacing the Northern Gray Otter on The Endangered Species List. In a tandem move, the administration also eliminated every other animal and plant from the list.

With tensions on the grid rising, with just an hour to go before the race starts, Button can be seen with a cigarette in each hand, getting in his much needed dose of nicotine before the race.

Canadian couple charged after chip-dip fight over last beer

MIAMI – (satireworld.com)
After a round of Tweetilities, an act of hostilities on Twitter, with ex-presidential candidate Rand Paul over the subject of abortion, DNC mouthpiece Debbie Wasserman Schultz laid out her own views on the subject. Abortion should be safe, free and legal at any age of the child. (We assume this means up to the moment of birth and not after, but we’re trying to verify this with Wasserman’s office.) In the meantime, keep your children close.

(SatireWorld.com)
Divorces are never pretty, but this one got pretty ugly… literally. A Chinese man divorced and then sued his ex-wife for giving birth to what he called an extremely ugly baby girl.

Initially, Jian Feng, age 39, accused his wife Jian of infidelity, so sure that he could never father an unattractive child.

Obama Tapped My Wires And So Much More

CLEVELAND – A body language expert has used their scientific analysis to determine Donald Trump’s hidden, past job history – based solely on his hand gestures. Following the conclusion of the Republican National Convention, where he accepted his party’s nomination for President, the expert revealed their findings to MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.

Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com)

A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in August at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman later claimed to her OB-GYN that she had become pregnant while watching a 3-D porno movie in a public theater!

Modern man, it seems, has been much too generous in his estimation of the supposed “fathers of science”.

The study, performed by Professor Ulf Ekelund, showed that the sedentary nature of office work can lead to diabetes, heart disease and some forms of cancer.

Addressing on Thursday the latest wave of sexual abuse scandals to have rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Francis vowed to keep the molestation of children by members of the clergy to a minimum going forward.

Transylvania Romania – (satireworld.com)
Dr. Victor Frankenstein III a graduate of Transylvania University (TU), Harvard Medical School and former Chief Geneticist at Johns Hopkins Hospital’s untimely death occurred in a bizarre incident this week. Dr. Dr. Victor Frankenstein III would have celebrated his 75th birthday on October 31, 2014 (Halloween).

Thanks to a bold marketing stroke, Salvation Springs College in Texas may solve its precarious financial future while simultaneously scoring a diplomatic coup with the government of Saudi Arabia.

Blountstown, FL- (SatireWorld.com)
The small panhandle town that sparked a gold rush after nuggets were found strewn all over farmer Van Peebles farm, has apparently disappeared!
Any reference to the town, Van Peebles, gold, and aliens, have disappeared from Wikipedia, and attempts to pinpoint the town and Parker’s Creek on Google Map are fruitless.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 - Feb 17)
Flipping coins, juggling fruit, and single handed tricks involving the remote control on your television or hifi are set to pepper your leisure time with an element of artistic excitement.
Absentminded doodles with big loops, but not small round loops, are well starred during coffee break or phone calls on the first three Tuesdays of the month. An eager eye might indicate a latent talent for predicting the future, even satire, with your scribbles (look for big eared local politicians to mercilessly lampoon). You might try to find Understanding Doodles Fo

The KKK election official continued, "The Ku Klux Klan believes Donald Trump will make America great again, and the KKK strongly believes that greatness lasted from 1861 to 1865 when the South became the Confederate States of America to defend slavery."

Responding to public outcry against the GOP's proposed healthcare plan and elements of his budget that include significant cuts to the Meals on Wheels program, President Trump confronted claims he is waging awar on the elderly by announcing today that the AHCA would completely cover the cost of medication seniors take all at once.

HONOLULU, Hawaii (The Adobo Chronicles, Honolulu Bureau) - Everywhere you go in the islands of Hawaii, you will always find the 'Aloha' spirit.  You'll always feel welcome, appreciated, loved. You get lei'd upon arrival at the airport. You are greeted with 'Aloha' the moment you step into an ABC Store.  And the locals are not shy…

Hajiland, Syria – (satireworld.com)

The Pentagon released photos today of a top-secret raid against ISIS forces that was successful in spite of the President’s ‘no boots on the ground’ promise, The US Army raid helped win the release of over 150 ISIS sex slaves who were held against their will for over three months.

I mean, really. It's time to harrumph in earnest.