Following outrage over the coffee giant’s decision to supplant its annual Christmas-themed snowflake paper cups with diabolical red ones, Starbucks has admitted to advancing a Satanic plot.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Powerful conservative Christian groups are lobbying Congress to pass legislation mandating the separation of church and stores. In a strongly-worded letter to members of Congress, the lobby group demanded that a law be passed banning Christmas displays and the selling of Christmas merchandise at all retail stores in the country.…
Faced with a mountain of debt totaling more than $18 trillion, the United States is planning to auction off a large section of the Midwest, starting with the state of Nebraska.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Obama Administration announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal President Obama intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to unknowingly purchase poisonous food. The White House explained companies located in other TPP nations will be able to sue the United States for having higher food safety standards, and force their poisonous food into the American market by citing "unfair protection of consumers."
The Papal Office today announced that His Holiness Pope Francis of the Holy Roman Catholic Church has decided to beatify the Big Agro biotech corporation Monsanto… also equally famous for its virtue. The beatification ceremony will...
The media and the Conservatives have slammed opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn for the respectability of his silence at yesterday's Remembrance Service. David Cameron also accused Mr Corbyn of forgetting the ultimate sacrifice our troops have made in direct contradiction of the day's slogan 'Lest We Forget'.
He once owned a dog named Bark. As a kid, he was kicked out of the Boy Scouts of America. His childhood nickname was “Sleepy.” When he was little, and alone, he used to sing songs to God. When he joined Second City in 1973...
SEATTLE, Washington (The Adobo Chronicles) - It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at Starbucks as the giant coffee company unveiled its 2015 holiday cups for its tall, grande and venti beverage. But Christian groups are not happy about the new, all-red cups. Gone are the snowflakes, stars and Christmas balls that adorned previous versions.…
MOBILE, ALABAMA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a seven-year-old boy named Jonathan Mercy concluded the American healthcare system was immoral and "the s-word." Jonathan came to his conclusion after his parents - who have no health insurance - went to the local pharmacy to fill a prescription, but were unable to afford the $13,000 price tag for a month's supply of a drug his mother needed to treat her cancer.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - It was the highlight of last night's 'Saturday Night Live' hosted by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. While he was delivering his opening monologue, Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was standing by backstage waiting for his cue. Then it was time. As Trump was wrapping up his monologue, the…
Characterized by periodic feelings ranging from uncertainty to anxiety relating specifically to the individual's mental health, Transient Borderline Dysmorphic Personality Disorder, or TBDP, could affect some 70% of the population, according to the company's findings.
Some have taken note of a pause in my periodic Apology column. I can assure you this so-called “pause” amounts only to a period of time wherein I could not bring myself to my job. It takes almost a superhuman editorial strength to acknowledge some of the rampant journalistic abuses all to common in this rag…
'Britain First', the enthusiastically racist Facebook group, celebrated the millionth momentary accidental racist, Brian Amersham, who shared their ‘99% of people won't share this Poppy pride post, will you?’ post.
Keeping a vigilant public aware of plausible conspiracy theories Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general public. We are here because you need us! We are ever-vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations...
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Thousands of jewelry retailers are very upset at President Barack Obama's announcement yesterday rejecting the Keystone Pipeline project that would have facilitated the flow of 800,000 barrels a day of carbon-heavy petroleum from Canada to the United States. A spokesman for the jewelers told The Adobo Chronicles that Obama's decision practically would…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, many of the Republican presidential candidates criticized their Democratic counterparts following the Democratic Forum held at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, South Carolina last night. The main criticism - by far - was the lack of infantile hatred of both their fellow Americans and the constitutional government of the United States whenever the Democrats did not get what they wanted.
Consistent with the tone of his waning days in office.
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