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The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has suggested that the recent spate of shark attacks off U.S. beaches is linked to increasing radicalization of disaffected young sharks.
"On balance, I would say it is much less annoying than slow honking." Jessie Krufts, Scientist
In a referendum asking whether they wanted to kick the can down the road or to kick the can a long way down the road, the Greek people voted instead to kick the can over the wall. The government now seems likely to demand a never-ending supply of further, increasingly large, cans for them to continue to kick over the wall.
Washington – Being the great buddies that they are, President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden recently took some time together to watch their beloved Washington Nationals play some baseball.  Given morbidly boring nature of the game of baseball, the two had some time to chat about things other than baseball.  
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): The Pentagon announced today a new Lockheed Martin F-35 Joint Strike Fighter had lost over a dozen dogfights to a 1917 Sopwith Camel biplane. The June 18th engagements showed the World War I-era Sopwith Camel exhibited "superior maneuverability and fighting aptitude" compared to its F-35 opponent.
If they want to vote YES in the Greek referendum, Greeks, some as old as 107, have been told they must vote 'NAI', which sounds just like 'NAH', according to English speakers.
NEW YORK, New York ( The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If you have been diagnosed with hypertension, or you simply experience an occasional elevation of your blood pressure, there's good news (or bad, depending on how you look at it). Johns Hopkins University neuroscientist Dr. Solomon H. Snyder was able to prove in extensive research that…
Worried Greek voters have only a few hours left to work out what the hell their 74 word referendum question actually means. Nearly ten million citizens are so confused by the wording of the question that they are unsure whether to vote Yes, No, or simply eat their ballot paper and follow it with an ouzo chaser.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - The fourth of July would have been a perfect day to welcome the 51st state of the United States, but it seems that may have to wait for yet another year. A U.S. territory, Puerto Rico, and a former U.S. colony, the Philippines, are the top contenders to become the latest…
Pomona, KS – Hollis Christopher Walden III is a genius.  No one knows exactly what his IQ is but let’s just say that he confounds even fellow Mensa members with his appalling brilliance.  
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): A study released today showed Americans have a distressing ignorance about the history of the United States, including its founding. Approximately 78% of surveyed Americans either incorrectly identified the country they celebrate independence from or refused to identify the country while claiming they wanted to see if the researcher knew it first.
SAN JOSÉ, Costa Rica (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - In 2010, conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh promised that if Obamacare became law in the U.S., he would leave the country and move to Costa Rica in 5 years. Well, it's been 5 years and Obamacare is the law of the land, upheld not once,…
by DSaying He is “misunderstood,” God took the form of a Chihuahua to meet our reporter in Death Valley. Reporter: (texting madly) “Okay, James, big joke. Here I am in the middle of nowhere baking in Death Valley for my big mystery interview you set up, and there’s no one or nothing in sight for miles.”
Knoxville, TN – Another tragedy has occurred.  This senseless act of violence, once again, is difficult to explain or understand why we choose to harm one another.  The details of the crimes are still developing but here’s what we know so far.
BOONE, IOWA (The Nil Admirari): The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been selling illegal fireworks by a roadside in Boone, Iowa for the last few days. Graham stated his struggling campaign was "thinking outside the box" for ways to raise money and allow Iowans to meet him in person.
"Didn't they do that to some guy on The Sopranos once?" Jimmy Popper, Satire Critic
SARANGANI, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  No rags to riches story could be more inspiring than that of Filipino champion boxer Manny Pacquiao. Growing up very poor in his home province of Sarangani where at a very young age he had to fend for himself and his family, Pacquiao rose to become one of the…
Three generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. "We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of PhotoShopped beaches, images with pensioners airbrushed out and, of course, you can't smell wee on a web page," said a senior detective working on anti-radicalisation duties with Scotland Yard.
Will the legalization of same-sex marriage destroy the world, as pundits claim? An alien invasion. Labor camps for heterosexuals. Man-dog marriage, followed by man-dog babies… If you think these weird scenarios are extracts from Charlie Sheen’s diary, think again. According to specific socially conservative pundits and right-wing legislators, the legalization of same-sex marriage will destroy [more...]

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