Pot is dead. Deader than a pile of stinking roaches in a dirty ashtray. Deader than Jerry Garcia, phone booths or analog clocks, the draft or smoking on airplanes. Deader than vinyl, even.

WASHINGTON - (satireworld.com) President Donald Trump announced on Saturday that baseball great Ty Cobb would immediately serve as special counsel at the White House in response to ridiculous claims of Trump Russian involvement in the 2016 election.

York, Pennsylvania – (satireworld.com)
Doctors who’ve attended to the fainting prone Hillary Clinton have issued a complete health report describing in detail the ex-secretary of state’s overall health, and in doing so, painted a rosy picture.

Fair Kamala cozily strapped in her bed, electrodes from focus groups taped to her head. Short Petey was playing with his newest toy, a lovely dark-chocolate Nubian boy.

Executives of the erstwhile Kentucky Fried Chicken claim Hillary Clinton’s recent body double controversy is a knock-off of KFC’s ongoing ad campaign using various celebrities to portray their founder.

"Baptism is the original sin, inflicted on innocent children without their consent. From the time of Abraham the notion of sacrificing a blameless child has been the true believer's go-to move, but if churches were honest, they would raise the age of consent for baptism to twenty-one, at least."

Psychologists from the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute have identified seven distinct stages of grief that most individuals experience when someone famous dies.

Republican Senators announced today that they have suspended their investigation into the role Hunter Biden played as a boardmember of the Ukrainian energy firm Burisma to focus instead on Shlomo Sanders, the 52 year-old autistic son of Bernie Sanders who works at a zoo.

Washington DC-(satireworld.com)
An anonymous White House source leaked the following story to the Washington Post about the day Pope Francis of the Roman Catholic Church was hosted by President Obama at the White House. The story can be found on page 65 (left side) of this Sunday’s newspaper Real Estate section.

New Jersey – (Satireworld)

Emergency liposuction compressors are on standby at Dumbthwacket, official residence of New Jersey’s Governor, amid rapidly spreading rumors the GOP heavyweight has been chosen as Donald T Rump’s running bait. Mate.

With the start of the Major League Baseball season postponed indefinitely due to the Coronavirus outbreak, members of the Houston Astros are reportedly keeping at the top of their win-at-any-cost approach to the game by cheating around the house.

The couple, Anna Faris, who is apparently an actress of some kind, and Chris Pratt, likely a country western singer guessing from his name, were married for some period of time after probably having met on the set of some shitty TV show or the after party of some shitty music awards event.

The mainstream media declares war on 'fake news' - except the 'fake news' which appears in their own pages' Did the media ctually create the 'post truth' era it now rails against?

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
Barry is feeling the bern as the 74 year old communist is closing on Hill the Pill for the democratic nomination! “This could be our last year in paradise,” Barry was heard on a hot mike with Debbie the Douche at a MA fundraiser!

One week after mobilizing the military to distribute a potential future vaccine against COVID-19, President Trump shocked the nation this morning when he announced that he has already approved just such a vaccine, and that widespread distribution among registered Democrats will begin immediately.

Hangovers have plagued mankind since alcohol was first invented way back in 1978 but now one research team has found the ultimate preventative measure.

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com)

New York Democratic Senator, Charles ‘the tumor’ Schumer, has a lot to explain to constuituents after an open microphone incident in Chicago stunned reporters as they dropped their iphones in disbelief. New York voters are in shock over what they call a blantant case of sexual harrassment.

Friends report that 32 year-old Aiden Schaeffer of Fort Myers, Florida died tragically less than 20 TikTok followers short of 100k Thursday afternoon.

International observers in Syria describe the situation in the Islamic State stronghold of Aleppo as being reminiscent of the Libertarian nominee for president of the United States.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In what could be the greatest legacy of his 6-year term as president, NoyNoy Aquino has issued a sweeping Executive Order totally banning skin-whitening in the Philippines. It is common knowledge that the beauty practice is popular in the Philippines and in some Asian countries -- one that has…