England's rugby team are now so bad that they have started to apologise for their performance before the last game has been played, that's according to apologies seen by this newspaper last night.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican presidential campaign of former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced Jeb would wear a shock collar "to prevent him from speaking, which is not in his best interest if he wants to win the White House." The transition to a "nonverbal campaign" followed a rising slew of insensitive, politically tone deaf comments that showed Jeb to be completely out of touch with reality, and the majority of the American people.
Howay pet, ya deed
Today, Democratic candidate and self-proclaimed socialist Bernie Sanders was “feeling the bern” of poor pizza slice distribution. Sanders railed against the “top, elite pizza eaters running around with their third slice” and lamented the “tiny little, sad baby slices” of pizza that many in the...
ROWAN COUNTY, KY (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - After The Vatican's official clarification that Pope Francis' meeting with Kim Davis was not a "private audience" as the Rowan County clerk claimed, Liberty Counsel (Davis' attorneys) went on a damage-control mode. Following documented media reports that the only private audience the Pope gave was with his long-time Argentinian…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admiari) - In the wake of yet another senseless mass shooting in America, the Republican National Committee (RNC) announced its presidential candidates had pledged to make every future campaign event - including debates - a "mandatory gun zone" to show their support for a gross misreading of the Second Amendment. RNC Chairman Reince Priebus denied Republican candidates were forced to choose whether to support the mandatory gun zone edict or drop out of the race, and declared candidates were required to give a gun to any supporter that showed up at a campaign event...
In response to the hardships many refugee men face in growing and maintaining full beards, a Seattle-based organization is encouraging hipsters in the city to donate their facial hair.
Jeremy Corbyn has stated his defence policy, in the event that he is Prime Minister at the outbreak of a World War, will be to engage the enemy in interpretive dance. ‘We have a strong history of providing strong dancers, as evidenced by Strictly Come Dancing, and I feel that we could defeat any enemy hands down,’ he stated.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - In a move that surprised the journalism industry, The Washington Post today converted from a respected mainstream newspaper to a supermarket tabloid, as a way of coping with declining subscriptions and advertising revenue. The Post now puts itself in direct competition with the popular tabloid National Enquirer, known for gossip columns, sensationalized…
THE VATICAN, Italy (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As with all trips by heads of state, the itinerary of a visiting dignitary is always packed, consisting of a whirlwind of welcome ceremonies, state banquets, speeches before various groups, meetings with key officials, field trips, photo opportunities, and yes, private meetings, both scheduled and unscheduled. Pope Francis' visit…
WASHINGTON D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Politics is not politics without scandals. This scandal is about what appears to be a short-lived affair between Carly Fiorina and Ted Cruz, Republican presidential candidates both. No, it's not what you're thinking. No romance is involved -- at least none that we know of. Rather, it is an…
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Major Owen Schnauzmann of the US Air Force confirmed that the first strikes in support of the much maligned Syrian President Bashar al-Assad centred around Eastern Ukraine where Russian intelligence says a great deal of the Syrian rebel forces are co-ordinating activities and manning a key supply route.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the White House refused to confirm reports the United States military had started to slowly back away from Syria immediately after Russia started airstrikes in the war-torn country. President Obama declared he "really hoped" brutal Syrian President Bashar al-Assad would not be saved by his Russian ally President Putin, but also confessed, "it would not be the worst thing in the world if Russia was left holding the bag in Syria."
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