Check Please!
"Bless him, but dear Lord cover my eyes or cover those arms!" prays one devout but grossed-out Lutheran.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.
Amid the controversy surrounding the killing of 'Cecil' the lion, the focus has now switched from a US poacher with a dental license, to 'some naked dude' without hunting license. Zimbabwean officials have accused a Mr. Herecles of using his gnarled club to kill both a lion and a hydra - all while having his 'junk on display'.
A Republican Sweet Sixteen… Plus One Get to high ground everybody. Our nation is in danger of being inundated by a candidate tsunami of 17 Republicans. The Sweet Sixteen and Never Been Kissed, Plus One. Seventeen Shades of Grey. If they used a designated pitcher they could split up into two teams and play softball.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the anti-choice movement in America was outraged when President Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood announced her organization was responsible for preventing more abortions than they were. Richards explained that because Planned Parenthood promoted contraception and education about having sex responsibly it was far more effective at stopping abortions than a bunch of hypocrites who ignore human sexuality and just tell people "sex bad, don't do it."
BAGUIO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - From New York City to St Louis, Missouri; from China to the Philippines, people are paying tribute to Cecil, the Zimbabwean lion killed by an American dentist last week. The killing has elicited an international outrage and many have called for the banning of hunting as a sport.…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today it fired an adviser named Sam Nunberg for making racist statements shockingly similar to those Trump makes every day. Nunberg was fired after it was discovered he made offensive Trump-like statements on social media in 2007 and 2008. Nunberg denied he ever stated them, much like Trump would in his position.
STAMFORD, CONNECTICUT (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Jerry Springer, the host of The Jerry Springer Show and former Democratic mayor of Cincinnati, announced he was changing parties so he could run for the Republican presidential nomination. Springer said he was running to "add some civility and decorum" to the Republican field of candidates, which he described as "lying Neanderthal clowns."
Summer holidayers across the world have been warned not to eat ice creams while crossing busy roads, according to the United Nations.
While two fellow drivers looked on sniggering, an Amazon delivery man demanded steak and chips then punched the customer in the face when the request was refused.
Taliban fighter evades capture, but succumbs to gaming addiction Dec 1st, 2001 — the date Mullah Mohammad Omar fled Kandahar, Afghanistan’s second-largest city, on the back of his donkey named Kurt. As the Taliban’s supreme commander and social outings organizer, Mullah’s decision to fade into anonymity has had a heavy impact on...
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - No publicity is bad publicity. A new  Adobo Chronicles® poll shows Donald Trump leading all  Republican candidates for president by 40%, up from 20% the previous week. Trump's surge has been attributed to the killing of Cecil, the Zimbabwe lion by an American dentist, an incident that has outraged…
Bill Nye ‘The Science’ Guy recently attacked the sacred idea of creationism on a YouTube video.  The Internet and news programs have lit up with those on the side of creationism and those on the side of evolution.
PALO ALTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan have announced that they are having a baby girl. This, after revealing that she has had several  miscarriages. The proud parents posted a family photo with their dog Beast on Facebook. Zuckerberg even revealed that during an ultrasound, the…
Daily Mail thrown into turmoil after revelations that they have been unwittingly encouraging asylum seekers to come to Britain.
Lion killing dentist Walter Palmer has more skeletons – literally – in his closet. Walter Palmer, the American Rambo impersonator, who shot, killed and then took a selfie with famed Zimbabwean Cecil “the Friendly Lion,” is now one of the most hated men in the world, and the latest breaking story involving the douchebag dentist...
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, civically-challenged Americans across the country announced they were looking forward to Planned Parenthood being defunded after highly edited and deceptive videos were released making it appear the organization was profiting from the sale of aborted fetuses. Not only has this group of conservative and anti-choice Americans ignored the fact fetal tissue is used for critical medical research to combat diseases like ALS, but it also believed a Senate vote expected as early as Monday would defund Planned Parenthood all on its own and forever.
From Edmonton and Calgary to New York City; from Las Vegas and San Jose to Melbourne, tickets to the Tony Award-winning musical, 'The Lion King,' have been selling out  in just the last few days, thanks to the killing by an American dentist of Cecil, the beloved lion of Zimbabwe. The outrage and outpouring of…
Gun safety tips of questionable integrity.
America's youngsters lead the world in swearing and name calling proficiency, a new study shows.

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