WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Establishment Republicans have been clamoring for Rep. Paul Ryan to run for Speaker of the House to fill the position being vacated by the exit of John Boehner. Ryan has been reluctant to put his name in for consideration because he knows it's a tough, thankless job.

The International House of Pancakes isn’t just feeding Americans European-style food, according to Republican presidential hopeful Bobby Jindal.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton ignored all questions from the Select Committee on Benghazi, which infuriated Republican committee members. Rather than listening to and answering questions, Clinton gave the whole event very low priority and sat calmly in her chair as she read a children's book by the name of "The Pet Goat."

Sometimes we have slow news days here at The Discord.

A size-zero catwalk model has been reported missing from a Paris fashion show after it appears she just floated away. Sindy Skellet, 23, who last year achieved fame for dating Brad Pitt without his knowledge, and was recently forced to endure lengthy courses of helium injections by her agency, just took off at the open air show on the Champs Elysees.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - "I don't consider Republicans enemies; they're friends." With these words, Vice President Joe Biden announced that he has decided not to seek the Democratic nomination for president.  At the same time he formally endorsed Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. "The other team is not the enemy," he said Tuesday…

From Our Time Travel Markets Correspondent: Just hours before Marty McFly was due to appear out of thin air, the price of flux capacitors slumped as much as 7% on markets around the world as traders took their throttle off the gradient on the upwards stream. That's according to traders in the gumby place.

Katy Perry is back, singing and dancing across the stage as if she never grew old.

Colorado Springs, CO – Colorado and Washington voted ‘yes’ to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Other states are taking notice.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Vice President Joe Biden announced he would not run to be the Democratic presidential nominee in 2016. Biden cited a phone call "from some great friends on Wall Street," who told him former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had already won the Democratic Party's contest to be Wall Street's puppet in the White House.

Gov. Bobby Jindal released his second book, American Will, on Tuesday as his 2016 presidential campaign continues to struggle. What do you think about this?

Is Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn High Priest of a Powerful Witches' Coven? Astonishing Claims From Tory Back Bencher Who Alleges that Corbyn Plans to Destroy Britain Through Black Magic.

When George W. Bush guessed history would compare him to Truman, I knew he was smoking crack. Kidding, he would have ‘presidented’ much better on crack. While he was banking on the whole eventually-history-will-dig-me premise, I knew he would ultimately be compared to Kim Kardashian (at least gluteuphorically). I believe that’s a Palin-drome. Meanwhile, Obama clearly…

A spokesman for the NPCC explained: ‘If we are to successfully target ethnic minorities – we need to do more than just stop and search. Look at the success the US justice system has had in killing unarmed African-Americans. The sooner we can get something with more poke than a taser, the sooner we can really give in to our inner demons.’

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

"I've just got oodles of space where more shoes, belts, and purses should be," says nature lover.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - Yelp Inc. has filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit against the creators of South Park, seeking damages caused by the latest episode of the popular television show which lampooned the customer review and local business rating website. In response, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of the animated series,…

President Obama reportedly locked himself in his White House bedroom after learning that Ahmed Mohamed, known in the media as ‘Clock Boy,’ is moving to Qatar.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, climate change scientists reframed their argument to appeal to Republicans by releasing "Oceans Invading U.S," a new documentary film warning Americans about a slow, insidious invasion of American soil by tyrannical oceans that surround the United States. TNA viewed the 10-minute film, which asserted, "true patriots must defend America by starving the communist-fascist oceans of an anti-American, possibly Muslim, substance called carbon dioxide."

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Getting his expected presidential run off to a gaffe-tastic start today, Vice-President Joe Biden confused supporters when he announced that he was running for Speaker of the House, instead of seeking the presidency.