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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, all of the Republican presidential candidates announced they would be taking their blatant lies and distortions to "safer" conservative propaganda outlets following Wednesday's CNBC debate where they were all confronted on some of their lies. The Republican National Committee (RNC) also declared it was "breaking up" with NBC as a result of the last debate, even as NBC promised to "better accommodate" Republican lies in the future.
‘Originally our one child policy was accused of being anti human rights,’ said Derek Smythe. ‘But our prosperity rose, especially where pick and mix was concerned, as a result of decreased pilferage.’
When ‘free speech’ is for sale, big money drowns out the people. In today’s so-called “democratic” election process, Big Money doesn’t talk, it roars — usually drowning out the people’s voice. Bizarrely, the Supreme Court decreed in its 2010 Citizens United ruling that money is a form of “free speech.”
"So that's where I put my bug shaped hat." Jessie Krufts, Hat Collector
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles ) - Following Wednesday's poorly-managed GOP presidential debate hosted by CNBC, Republican presidential candidate, now frontrunner, Ben Carson, demanded that the Republican National Committee (RNC) change the entire debate format starting with the November 10 debate in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Carson told RNC that unless all his demands are met, he will…
Thousands of irate parents bombarded CNBC last night to complain about a live TV show which caused children to flee in terror.
After nearly seven years of using an increasingly outmoded stereo system in the chamber, the U.S. House of Representatives has finally got a new speaker.
Kim Jong Un's once-powerful dog Mr. Wiggles was shaved bald, thrown into a cage and eaten alive by the ravenous North Korean leader this week, a newspaper with ties to China's ruling Communist Party reported today.
DENVER, Colorado (The Adobo Chronicles) - The Republican National Committee (RNC), disappointed by last night's conduct of the GOP presidential debate on CNBC, announced that it has decided on a major change in the next televised debate. Reince Priebus, chair of the RNC, slammed CNBC immediately after the GOP debate hosted by the network ended Wednesday night. Priebus…
A day after announcing the lifting of the “one couple, one child" policy, Chinese officials are admitting that the move was premature and might cause a “perilous” spike in the birth rate.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) officially lost the Republican contest to not be Speaker of the United States House of Representatives. Speaker Ryan garnered 236 votes to succeed John Boehner (R-OH-01), and declared his defeat to what he described as "one of the most shameful American legislative bodies in our history" prior to threatening all of America with what was to come.
Jesse Martin thought he landed the perfect job. 4-day work weeks, free breakfasts and lunches, company outings, and an filled with games and activities. He took the position of Marketing Ninja at a new Silicon Beach ad startup called Impaktly, but it wasn't exactly what he thought he signed up for.
BROOKLYN (The Barbed Wire) - A bathroom break turned into a tense situation today when seven female staffers for the Hillary Clinton campaign team locked themselves in a women's bathroom in the campaign's headquarters building. All seven survived the ordeal and counselors have been brought in to help the women process the event.
‘Bringing home the bacon is fine, in moderation. But the reason I didn’t die before I got old was total abstention from bedroom pork products, including scratchings in my pyjamas.’
Frequently Asked Questions about Benghazi answered by Will Durst. Q: Isn’t Benghazi the guy who used to pal around with John Cassavetes back in the 60s? A: No, that was Ben Gazzara. Q: What’s all this then?
GOP presidential front-runner Dr. Ben Carson has added abortion to the long list of things he thinks are comparable to slavery.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - In anticipation of Paul Ryan's formal election as the new Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives tomorrow, his Chief of Staff, Dave Hoppe, released the Congressman's official photograph that will be hung in his office on Capitol Hill. "It is an accurate representation of what the congressman faces as he assumes…
Speaking in a Russian interview, former chairman of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, has admitted he was building an evil world empire like a typical bad guy in a James Bond movie. This just days following the Spectre premiere, the latest James Bond movie, in cinemas.
Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush has a new look that reflects his “outsiderness” and “devil-may-care attitude,” says his newly appointed campaign manager.

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