Check Please!
"But on the other hand, if little cute puppy there got a splinter in the underside doing that, that would be the howliest, gnarliest, sound you have ever heard. It would dissolve that smiley child's face into a red mass of water and sobby half spoken breaths. Even I would downclick that." Jessie Krufts, Incinerator Manager
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Former Governor of Arkansas and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee announced today he much preferred Hitler to Obama, because Hitler "got good stuff done." Huckabee's remarks followed his scathing criticism of the nuclear deal President Obama brokered with Iran during which he stated Obama and Iran "will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven."
New York, NY – Presidential candidate Donald Trump has faced the embarrassing wrath of a heckler more than a few times in past months. The controversial billionaire is seeking the White House as his newest mansion and acquisition.  
SYRIA (The Barbed Wire) - Once the poster boy for the evil of ISIS, the man credited with killing numerous hostages held by the terror group is reportedly now on the run from the very group that made him a star. According to the Jerusalem Post, John is in hiding, probably within a different JV terror group.
KENYA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta rejected President Obama's assertion "gays are people and deserve equal human rights, not government endorsement and enforcement of intolerant religious-based laws against them." Kenyatta assured the world he was deeply honored to be Obama's host during his visit to Kenya, but claimed "Kenya does not need advice on what to do with its much-hated social deviant homosexual population."
ATLANTA—Local good old boy lawbreakers Bo Darville and Cledus Snow are preparing to take on what some are calling an impossible task as they attempt to make a run to Texarkana, Texas in an 18 wheeler, pick up 400 cases of Coors beer and make a return delivery here—all in the next 28 hours. “We’re…
Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, widely regarded as one of the most important novels of world literature, has been given a 21st century refashioning to make it less boring for modern readers.
ON BOARD THE TRUMP JET (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - During her acceptance speech for the Republican vice presidential nomination in 2008, Sarah Palin said that she put the jet purchased by Alaska's former governor up for sale on eBay as an example of her attempts at ethics reform. Following in her footsteps, presidential candidate Donald…
Migrants have been making a series of complaints today at delays experienced at the Eurostar tunnel.
Big money runs today’s political game, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Check out Republican wannabe Scott Walker. Not a Republican? No problemo, amigo. Walker doesn’t check your papers. Well… except for that million-dollar check you have to write to his super PAC.
Jeremy Corbyn, the most lookilikie to Father Christmas of all the Labour Party leader candidates gave an interview on the telly today.
Numerous regular contributors to Facebook and Twitter are reporting that someone has been shot today.  Social media is buzzing as sketchy details continue to pour in.  It’s unclear whether there are injuries or casualties but something has definitely been shot by a handgun.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the results of a TNA survey of Americans who self-identified as a "small-government Republican" was released, and found 81.4% of participants did not know what being a "small-government Republican" actually meant. They ignored the real-world consequences to infrastructure, food and drug safety standards, regulations for clean air and water, education, healthcare, and many other government roles they simply took for granted.
ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two weeks ago, CNN ran a banner headline announcing that ISIS was advancing "on two fonts." The headline meant to read "fronts." It was assumed that the error was a copyediting issue. But apparently, it was a hacking issue, and it happened yet again. CNN, while doing a live…
An expert formerly employed by the Department of Education, now thought to have gone rogue, admitted today that the government's much-vaunted 'academies' programme consists solely of calling schools by another word that means the same thing.
“Southpaw” – a film review by Gary Chew “If it makes money, it makes sense.” Sounds like a less offensive TV news soundbite from Donald Trump on a stump speech … right? Wrong. The sentence is spoken by an oleaginous fight promoter in a new film titled Southpaw.
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Nearly a billion common houseflies buzzed the nation's capital today to protest a bill that would require flies to show two forms of photo identification when purchasing fly-swatters.  The bill, authored by Sen. Patrick Miyagi (D-HI), has passed the Senate and has been sent to President Obama. Proponents of the proposed new law argue…
MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker announced today he wanted the Selective Service System to give him all of its records regarding all able-bodied men ages 18-30. Walker explained he wanted to use the list to offer incentives to registered American males to volunteer for military service before he is sworn in as president, and reinstates the draft for a war with Iran.
ATLANTA (The Barbed Wire) - It's only been a couple of days since the SyFy channel aired the latest installment in the Sharknado franchise, but already plot details about the next incarnation of the show are emerging online. The highlight of the latest episode was getting to see disgraced politician Anthony Weiner.
HONG KONG  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Grammy award-winning singer Chris Brown was finally  allowed to leave the Philippines after a three-day delay due to a fraud complaint against him for a cancelled concert last New Year’s Eve. Brown was in Manila Tuesday for a sold-out concert . The 26-year-old R&B artist had been stuck in…

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