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WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Thousands of jewelry retailers are very upset at President Barack Obama's announcement yesterday rejecting the Keystone Pipeline project that would have facilitated the flow of 800,000 barrels a day of carbon-heavy petroleum from Canada to the United States. A spokesman for the jewelers told The Adobo Chronicles that Obama's decision practically would…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, many of the Republican presidential candidates criticized their Democratic counterparts following the Democratic Forum held at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, South Carolina last night. The main criticism - by far - was the lack of infantile hatred of both their fellow Americans and the constitutional government of the United States whenever the Democrats did not get what they wanted.
The man on the moon featured in this year’s John Lewis Christmas advert has sent an angry letter back to the little girl on earth demanding to know what happened to the penguin he wanted. In an expletive-laden rant the man lambasted the girl for sending a telescope and not a penguin ‘like the cute little fucker from last year’s ad.’
by Gary Chew.“Suffragette” – a film review by Gary Chew With Alexandre Desplat’s opening chords of music with unrelenting percussion, you know immediately what Suffragette is about: perseverance. How could it not be since the year is 1912? Women have not yet been allowed to participate in the democratic process in the United Kingdom. One can’t call [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
(The Barbed Wire) - Those incorrigible kids from the Deport Racism, anti-Trump, profanity-laced video that is creating a national backlash are now going to be releasing their very own holiday album this month, titled "Get the F@ck Out of My Country, Santa!" The album will be recorded by the man who produced the warm and fuzzy anti-Trump video.
MANILA, Philippines ( The Adobo Chronicles) – Amid questions over her and her family’s citizenship, Philippine presidential candidate Senator Grace Poe said her husband would renounce his American citizenship to show “support” for her administration if she wins in 2016. Poe’s husband Neil Llamanzares and their 3 children enjoy dual citizenship – of the United States…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced the real purpose of Area 51 was to house his original brain, and a colony of Sasquatches. Carson's statement followed his declaration earlier in the week he still believed the true purpose of the pyramids in Egypt was to store grain.
"If I was Darth Vader I would have a man coming up behind me to pick up my poop too."
‘VW's Dieselgate’ scandal widened to include Vauxhall today -who announced that they'd been selling shit cars but lying to customers that they were actually good.
Demands getting more specific, including GOP debate lighting style and Huggie Bears on each podium for “moral support.” The Republicans candidates shocked the media world at the last GOP debate by forming a defacto union and demanding collective bargaining rights as to how future debates would be run.
Conceived by a pack of drunken men in the lady's bathroom of Saggy's Saloon in 2003, Lori Sullivan's seven children were toasted by former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum and several other notable conservatives, including Congressman Todd Akin, who were on hand to commemorate the occasion.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the results of a TNA study revealed the United States has a dangerous surplus of self-proclaimed Second Amendment experts that are virtually all pro-gun, and feel obligated to defend the right to bear arms no matter how many people are killed by firearms. A startling 63% of Americans claimed to be Second Amendment experts, and virtually everyone in that group lacked the proper education required to substantiate such a claim.
“I never owned Ronco, but if I did the C.E.O.’s brains would be in that jar.”                                                       —Donald Trump  
Following an increase in A&E admissions various organisations have been urged to redraft their 'books' to minimise injuries whenever situations suggest throwing the book at people might be useful.
Reworked format and new entrants featured at this evening’s Republican debate Dateline: N.H., Feb.8, 2016 Hello everyone and welcome to the 37th presidential Republican debate sponsored by NotchTV, your source for all things frozen. I’m your moderator Wendell Wellsted, and in just three hours.
The prime minister is embarking on the most James Bond day of his career so far as an international crisis threatens to overshadow talks with the president of Egypt after James Bond discovered there was a bomb on a plane flying from Egypt earlier in the week.
MIAMI, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles ) - Florida Senator Marco Rubio is a fast-rising star in the Republican Party. The presidential candidate is expected to eventually capture his party's nomination -- after all the hype and hysteria that put GOPers Donald Trump and Ben Carson on top of the polls subside and voters finally come to…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House received a letter from its enemy the Islamic State expressing the Islamic extremist group's gratitude for additional American military equipment, which it had easily captured from the fleeing Iraqi military. President Obama quickly responded to the letter of thanks from the Islamic State by warning Iraq "the arms gift shop is closed until Iraqis stop regifting American weapons of war to the Islamic State."
BROOKLYN (The Barbed Wire) - In a glimpse of what may come if Hillary Clinton is elected to the White House in 2016, the Democrat presidential hopeful said that, if she wins, her first order of business will be to sign an executive order making it mandatory for all American women, regardless of age, to wear colorful pantsuits at all times.

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