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94 year-olds across the country are to have a minute's f*ck off today at 11:30 today in solidarity with Prince Philip, a 94 year old told this newspaper.
Athens, Greece – Meetings broke Saturday evening without an agreement on whether other nations will provide Greece its third financial bailout since 2010.
NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - The Donald announced today that because he was tired of listening to all the crap in the media about Hillary Clinton's inevitability in 2016, he has called the media's bluff and paid enough voters to back him - they're now all under contract to do so.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, actor and comedian Bill Cosby announced he will run for president as a Republican. The producer and star of "The Cosby Show" believed the accusations he drugged and raped 40+ women over four decades will be viewed as a positive by Republican primary voters, because "I take what I want and blame the victims after exploiting them."
Chicago, IL – After a near death experience while riding in Zabib Welhunij’s cab, I had to ask him.  Did you know you almost got us killed multiple times in only a 5 minute ride?  What is wrong with you?  It’s not the first such experience I’ve had in a cab.  His answer surprised me.
MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker signed a $73 billion two-year budget today that will establish a feudalistic system throughout the state beginning in January 2016. The budget from the Republican-dominated legislature mandates all residents of Wisconsin who do not make at least $250,000 annually will be serfs tied to specific portions of land owned by a wealthy lord they are legally required to provide labor for.
NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Barbed Wire) - Following Hillary Clinton's recent interview with CNN's Brianna Keilar, the Democratic candidate faced many of the same criticisms that have plagued her during her entire time in public life - The woman is just not warm, personable, and relatable, but rather a cold, calculating, conniving, power hungry witch.
The Foreign Office has told UK citizens to leave Belgium as quickly as possible, claiming that it has become ‘dangerously tedious’. This follows months of tension, after the country was placed on a ‘drab alert’ back in the winter.
KANSAS CITY, Missouri (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - A spokesperson for the National Council of La Raza, the biggest Latino advocacy group in the United States, says that the organization invited every current Republican and Democratic presidential candidate to their annual convention taking place in Kansas City, Mo., but only the Democrats agreed to come. That means…
AUSTIN, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) - A new Texas school textbook titled "Remembering the Great Confederacy" analyzes Robert E. Lee's presidency and the South's freeing of the slaves following the Civil War. The Texas Board of Education has announced the book will be used in every district in the state beginning this coming school year.
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  He considers himself a tanned, white boy from Louisiana. Governor and GOP presidential candidate, Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, 44, has become famous for a self portrait that hangs in the Louisiana state capitol -  a visibly Caucasian chief executive. In a limited-edition campaign t-shirt for his 2016 presidential bid, he…
An extra 52 tourists visited for the Women's Football World Cup and their unexpected appetite for the fibrous drupe has led to a crisis, with 24 people who ‘swear by coconut water’ saying ‘Bloody hell, still no coconut water?’ and dying
The question mark face tattoo. It’s a trend that’s been growing in popularity, but until recently no one understood why.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The Nil Admirari finished negotiations with the Republican National Committee (RNC) today and will host a Republican presidential debate on September 28th, 2015 at the Providence Performing Arts Center (PPAC) in Providence, Rhode Island. Unlike the Republican debates sponsored by the Mickey Mouse news outlets, the Nil Admirari debate will include every person who has registered to run for president as a Republican.
Rupert Murdoch is to stand down as leader of Fox to take up the role of Prince of Darkness vacated by Christopher Lee who passed away last month.
Actor and comedian said sitting around complaining to Larry King about kids today while waiting for the statute of limitations to kick in "was one of the most rewarding distractions of my career."
Another completely made up trash classic reviewed!
An attempt to recreate the Italian exploitation movie formula in the UK, 'Dogs on Drugs' presents the tale of a town's pet dogs getting a dose of hallucinogenic drugs and turning homicidal.
ISIS fighters living in Mosul, the largest city under control of the Islamic State, are about to get a look at Western culture, but only a peek.
As temperatures continue to rise around the country this week, the Supreme Court's June 26th ruling in favor of gay marriage already appears to be causing observable effects on the environment, many experts say.
Yesterday police raided the home of Subway spokesman Jared Fogle as part of a porn investigation, and Subway acted quickly in distancing itself from him. They immediately removed Jared's Six-Inch Delite from the menu and said in a statement: "While we understand that many people find pleasure in Jared's Six-Incher, we are removing it from our menu until more details about the investigation are released."

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