WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) declared Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) had tested positive for the Fascism Virus - a mutation of the Right-wing Propaganda Virus. The CDC warned Americans the Fascism Virus was a highly-contagious airborne and electromagnetic superbug with no known cure short of a proper liberal education and being an informed citizen.

Alone and penniless for the first time, Fatima Bin Laden was forced to leave Pakistan last year and find work in her home country of Saudi Arabia after US Navy SEALS put an end to her husband Osama’s career as a world reknown terrorist.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Donald Trump’s inflammatory remarks are once again dominating headlines. This time, the reality-TV-star-turned-politician is talking about how, as president, he will claim the extraordinary power to execute anyone, of any age, anywhere in the world, based solely on his personal presumption that said person is a radical Islamist. Far from being a last-resort option or a bluff, Trump says he plans on flexing this power on a regular weekly schedule.

Elf on the Shelf is training our kids to accept Big Brother watching. This is a bad thing for freedom and America!

Washington—On December 3rd a marble statue in Dick Cheney’s likeness was unveiled in Emancipation Hall. The ceremony was a small affair, for obvious reasons, as only a small fraction of our society can be around Cheney without projectile vomiting. Four days after the prestigious unveiling a group of vandals, calling for regiment change, broke into…

Posing for photographs outside a drive-thru wedding chapel with a small child of middle-eastern descent hugging his leg, a beaming Donald Trump-Fury told reporters: ‘As I have always said, sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make. But these investments in love are ones I could put off no longer. So without further ado please let me introduce you to my son, Muhammad, and my darling husband, Mrs Trump-Fury!’

An interview with cartoonist Trina Robbins. Errol Flynn and Kevin Costner both played Robin Hood (though not at the same time), and Al Jolson sang about the “Red, red Robin”...

At a campaign speech in Iowa on Thursday, Donald Trump warned supporters that we are never safe from random attacks of violence by ISIS-affiliated attackers. Without giving a source, the GOP front-runner seemed to have inside information on what the next big threat is to the United States.

A Donald Trump supporter said she would still vote for the presidential candidate if he used a small child to protect himself from a potential assassin’s bullet, much like a Stephen King character did.

"Skyfall could be a poignant follow up video with the dog waiting for the thrown stick to fall from the sky for him to catch in the park. Slightly misty I'm thinking, lady dog watching on with her tongue out. By jingo this could work." Jimmy Popper, Music Video Ideas Man From The 1980s

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles)  - After losing the title 'Person of the Year' to German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Republican Candidate Donald Trump bought Time magazine for a whopping $ 2.5 Billion. That's almost a quarter of the billionaire's net worth. Trump was in the short list of contenders for the title, but magazine editors…

Today, the US Senate approved, and the President is expected to sign, a landmark deal where popular national parks partner with successful private business ventures. Touted as a landmark in of itself, the deal will provide the US treasury with sorely needed funds and provide needed jobs in a slowly recovering economy here in the US.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced today that in light of the massive influx of Muslim immigrants, the formation of the new Fourth Reich.

College Park, MD – “Hey honey, you’ve got to come see this,” yelled Jamie Grundwald out the front door of his neighbor’s house.  “Get over here quick.  This is hilarious!”

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - Money, they say, can buy anything.  Including elections.  And looks. That's exactly what billionaire Donald Trump is doing in pursuit of his presidential ambition. Unfazed by widespread outrage over his latest tirade against Muslims -- calling for shutting them out of the United States -- Trump has come to…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) declared Congressional Republicans will unveil their preliminary plan to replace Obamacare in 2219. Ryan urged Americans not to be concerned about Republicans incessantly attempting to kill the Affordable Care Act, because a plan to replace President Obama's signature healthcare law was already in the pipeline.

WASHINGTON (The Barbed Wire) - In his infinite wisdom and attempt to thwart mass shootings by Muslims so the American people don't get upset with them, President Obama said today that he had come up with a workable solution to all the gun control hysteria that he himself has stirred up.

Kevin Bey seems the normal 15 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories that give his sister laughs. Most would say he was just a normal kid with a big imagination. He certainly had enough friends to keep him company and play sports with. But that all changed on Christmas day when he was ‘one of the world’s luckiest boys’ who received one of 500 real live Victoria Secret models for Christmas as a special gift from Santa!

You think that’s bad? You should see what we’re doing with Kwanzaa.

Lawyers for convicted murderer, Oscar Pistorius, have come up with a bold plan to save the Olympian from a lengthy prison term. They are arguing that in normal circumstances a person’s whole body is sentenced and then they are entitled to remission and consequently only serve part of the sentence.