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British And Commonwealth Highlands Bank has said that it is trialling a new man to man payments service exclusively for gentlemen, cutting women out of the payment options altogether, according to an insider with the news.
ARTISANAL PRESS — The United States Congress passed a motion during a special session this weekend, heretofore designating the popular deep-fried potato strips menu item in the Congressional cafeteria as “French fries.” The motion was intended as a display of solidarity with the people of France, following the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Americans electing the United States' first female president was worth the final collapse and permanent extinction of the American middle class. Clinton urged Americans to not be sexist, and to vote for her instead of trying to prevent both their standard of living and wages from continuing their free fall courtesy of the very people bankrolling her presidential campaign.
Jeremy Corbyn, the so-called leader of the Labour Party caused outrage today as he blatantly refused to salute a single magpie which he encountered in Kensington High Street in full view of a Daily Mail reporter and great supporter of Her Majesty the Queen and our armed forces.
Welcome to Black Friday — a day of nonstop commercial hype! Here comes the holiday season. It’s a month-long season of friends, family and spiritual reflection, and a time to decompress from our usual helter-skelter lives. It kicks off with Thanksgiving: the one holiday on our calendar that’s meant to be a calm, family-oriented time.
A popular singer has once again experienced a mildly shocking relationship scandal which has succeeded in propelling her name into tabloid headlines.
HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...
Just a day after the terrorist massacre, killing over 150 innocent victims, the world watches with concern.  Or do they?  If internet search engines are any indication, concerned citizens from around the globe have already moved on.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.
Staffers say that Hillary Clinton has not been the same since a discussion with “Miss Cleo.” WASHINGTON — Earlier today, a senior campaign staffer close to Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton confirmed a popular psychic from the late 1990s named “Miss Cleo” had warned Mrs. Clinton of a “horrible Berning in 2016.”
Bryan Hancock, a 32-year-old unemployed alcoholic with a hair-trigger temper from Manchester, has been bemused to be told by the voices in his head to go and give his house a good tidying-up. Following on from his instructions from God or the devil, he isn't sure which, Hancock has reluctantly spent two hours cleaning scale off the walls in his shower.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - While presidential sister, actress and TV host Kris Aquino will have her eyes on Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, the rest of the voyeur world will be watching U.S. President Barack Obama who will reportedly wear a new hairstyle when he visits Manila for…
The men who carried out Friday’s attacks in Paris are seated at a table in a noisy, crowded cafe where they will spend the rest of eternity failing to get the Parisian server’s attention.
DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson recounted his last days with Adolf Hitler before the Führer took his own life on April 30th, 1945. Dr. Carson told his supporters in Iowa that he had declined Hitler's offer to be his successor prior to escaping from Berlin by rocket ship to avoid capture by the Red Army.
Following heated discussions between administrators and students who are demanding more emotional and intellectual coddling, Yale has announced the construction of 500 padded safe spaces.
Many are wondering how the lead republican nominee, Ben Carson, could possibly be a top pediatric neurosurgeon. Many of his comments seem astonishingly obtuse, especially for an accomplished math-a-physician. Today, there is mounting evidence Carson is not the good doctor, but is actually the patient! The Discord has exclusive evidence the person masquerading as Ben Carson is…
In a move that market analysts say is sure to be popular with their EU female clientele, Starbucks have revealed that their new Christmas cup is a protest against the EU's tax on female sanitary products.
Labyrinth of Lies has been selected to represent Germany in the Best Foreign Language Film category at next year’s Academy Awards. It was directed by Giulio Ricciarelli and tells the story of the legal and social struggle Germany faced approximately a decade after WWII.

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