A popular singer has once again experienced a mildly shocking relationship scandal which has succeeded in propelling her name into tabloid headlines.

HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...

Just a day after the terrorist massacre, killing over 150 innocent victims, the world watches with concern.  Or do they?  If internet search engines are any indication, concerned citizens from around the globe have already moved on.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.

Staffers say that Hillary Clinton has not been the same since a discussion with “Miss Cleo.” WASHINGTON — Earlier today, a senior campaign staffer close to Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton confirmed a popular psychic from the late 1990s named “Miss Cleo” had warned Mrs. Clinton of a “horrible Berning in 2016.”

In related news: Sea World To Close

Bryan Hancock, a 32-year-old unemployed alcoholic with a hair-trigger temper from Manchester, has been bemused to be told by the voices in his head to go and give his house a good tidying-up. Following on from his instructions from God or the devil, he isn't sure which, Hancock has reluctantly spent two hours cleaning scale off the walls in his shower.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - While presidential sister, actress and TV host Kris Aquino will have her eyes on Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, the rest of the voyeur world will be watching U.S. President Barack Obama who will reportedly wear a new hairstyle when he visits Manila for…

The men who carried out Friday’s attacks in Paris are seated at a table in a noisy, crowded cafe where they will spend the rest of eternity failing to get the Parisian server’s attention.

DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson recounted his last days with Adolf Hitler before the Führer took his own life on April 30th, 1945. Dr. Carson told his supporters in Iowa that he had declined Hitler's offer to be his successor prior to escaping from Berlin by rocket ship to avoid capture by the Red Army.

Following heated discussions between administrators and students who are demanding more emotional and intellectual coddling, Yale has announced the construction of 500 padded safe spaces.

Many are wondering how the lead republican nominee, Ben Carson, could possibly be a top pediatric neurosurgeon. Many of his comments seem astonishingly obtuse, especially for an accomplished math-a-physician. Today, there is mounting evidence Carson is not the good doctor, but is actually the patient! The Discord has exclusive evidence the person masquerading as Ben Carson is…

In a move that market analysts say is sure to be popular with their EU female clientele, Starbucks have revealed that their new Christmas cup is a protest against the EU's tax on female sanitary products.

MANILA, Philippines  (The Adobo Chronicles) -  The country’s top telecommunications and digital service provider Philippine Long Distance Telephone Co. (PLDT) is boosting Internet connectivity at the venues of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) meetings being held in Metro Manila. In a statement yesterday, PLDT said it has put up facilities which can provide up to 8.5…

The International Olympic Committee has announced that they will no longer be awarding Olympic Gold Medals to winners of their events.

After Jason Zweig’s revelatory article that revealed gold to be nothing more than a “pet rock”, “archaic and barbaric”, that people are...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced all of the remaining Democratic presidential debates would occur on Mondays at 3AM. Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton denied any involvement in the debate schedule changes, as most Americans accused her of pushing for the scheduling changes to reduce the number of Americans able to watch Clinton debate her more progressive challengers.

One expert is disputing presidential candidate Ben Carson’s absurd claims that he grew up poor and black -- and that he was ever a certified doctor.

Vegas interrupted my debate viewing pleasure a tad, but I got the gist of it. Small government (flashing lights and sounds), lower taxes (cocktail waitress), gut regulations (yellling from the craps table). I can’t stand these debates anymore. Leave me alone, Mr. Winslow! I’m in Vegas researching an important Guinness feature. I like Guinness, much…

Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong has formally renounced his American nationality and become a Russian citizen, having become disillusioned with the US stance on yellow wristbands. He now intends to compete for Russia in a number of different disciplines at the Rio Olympics in 2016, such as cycling, rowing, discus, hammer throwing, 100 metres and synchronised swimming.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles)  - Former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann  has proposed a ban on the sale in the U.S. of the Menorah, a candelabrum used in Jewish worship, especially during the observance of Hanukkah. She made the proposal as she called for an intensified effort to convert Jews to Christianity. In the radio program, "Washington Watch,"…