He's putting everyone on edge' said one passenger from coach F, who apparently managed to escape into the toilet with his mobile phone. 'Wait, hang on, oh no, now he's muttering and trying to catch other people's gaze with his sullen, tutting visage! Send help, send help now!'

Coroner’s report: Scott Weiland choked on marbles in his mouth In this Humor Times exclusive report, we reveal the true cause of death of former Stone Temple Pilots/Velvet Revolver vocalist.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles) - This year's Miss Universe pageant made history by having a transgender contestant in the person of Miss Austria. The closest Miss Universe ever got to having a transgender contestant was when Jenna Talackova waged a legal battle to be allowed to compete in the Miss Universe Canada pageant in…

With poll numbers sliding faster than butter on a hot skillet, the current occupants of the White House are starting to realize that the moving date in 2016 might be a reality sooner than they really expected. Yes, even in Obamaland time flies. For the rest of us it hasn’t come fast enough.

If you're a gay young man nervous about coming out to your parents, try practicing on a couple of your stuffed animals. Later, to most realistically depict how your mom and dad will respond to your news, hang your stuffed animals by their necks in the garage...

The sun took a massive crap today, unleashing a galactical butt-shower of fire into outer space that's headed our way.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, TNA released the results of a survey of Donald Trump supporters to discover their primary reason for supporting the billionaire Republican presidential candidate. Just over 93% of the surveyed Trump supporters confessed they wanted "someone cool" to have a few drinks with prior to a busy night of assaulting suspected Muslims, as well as anyone seemingly not white, Christian, and/or American enough.

At the GOP debate on Tuesday night in Las Vegas, the conversation mostly revolved around terrorism and national security. There were a few moments, however, dedicated to social issues. Various candidates expressed their frustrations about the excessive use of "politically correct" terms such as "women" and "people." But it didn't end there.

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)

World Auction News reports that a personal item of a well known Sports Illustrated model used during the filming of a advertisement for Game of War has found its way on the popular auction site. In past days all bidding has gone thru the roof.

Yeah… I’m looking at you Peter O’Toole. Full controversial video here.  

Previous Decembers have seen him reliably turn on the Christmas spirit bang on cue, but as the years have gone by, the old man is said to be feeling increasingly cynical about just being expected to just turn it on to fit it in with everyone else's calendar.

Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States confessed they were purposely ignoring U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders until he 'toned down' his realism.

"I just want to slip on some spandex trunks and go dancing with my new doggie friend." Kent Rugby, Hunkist

Bwanna, Kenya – (satireworld.com)

Game preserve officers tracked down and killed a 45 foot long crocodile today after it was seen leaving a village shortly after it decimated the inhabitants during an evening celebration. The reptile is being reported as the ‘world’s largest crocodile.’ First reports claimed upwards of 50 native villagers were eaten, but game warden Benji Wonamoto said the final body count was 75 and maybe more.

Major Tim Peake entered the Space Station with thumbs skywards even though up there skywards was downwards. But in spite of the sky confusion all went well and endless messages from the Space Station are expected in the coming six months.

Ever since the war to take down the Galactic Empire ended, Han Solo and his trusty co-pilot Chewbacca have been scrounging around for work.  Although there is finally a new Star Wars movie coming out, the Canadian military commissioned the two well respected pilots to test some planes similar to TIE fighters that were popular during that era.  

ANKARA, TURKEY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, an anonymous high-ranking source inside the Turkish government informed TNA that Turkey was illegally purchasing oil from small businessmen wearing all-black clothing. The source asserted many of the small businessmen were very likely active members of the Islamic State (ISIS), a charge Turkey quickly denied.

Boston, MA – (SatireWorld.com)
Researchers at the prestigious Harvard Medical School published a jaw-dropping study showing proof-positive results on what makes a person’s mind think in liberal political terms. After an exhausting 10 year study, over 5,000 local Boston residents and university students were given tests and DNA samples were taken in an effort to disprove several current theories. The opposite results startled researchers including Dr. Adam Feidler who wrote a 4,500 page peer reviewed paper on liberal thought patterns and its effect on the brain.

Early in the 21st century, Republicans decided to untether themselves from reality, or more accurately, have someone decide for them. Fox = news and morality = pews so no critical thinking necessary. How do they continue to gain seats with this record? Amidst the Age of Information, how have they dragged such a large faction of our country…