I’m sick of these huge media organizations with their resources wasting everyone’s time with their researched stories and live updates of developing stories that turn out different than how they were initially reported...

Red Shtick sources say LaRouge Mart on Jefferson Highway continues to do a brisk business selling craft gasoline for roughly 50 cents per gallon more than the competition, which suits customers just fine.

by Mark Adam Lowton
For the past few years, I’ve been a real dick to everyone. I have run off most of my friends and the people that worked with me and for me. I’ve banned writers from my publication for little or no reason. I’ve gone out of my way to treat Americans like shit. I’ve been inconsistent in just about every aspect of my life.
Now I know why. I’ve got Mad Cow Disease.

Sources close to Donald Trump revealed that the President-elect is concerned that news of Russian hacking and Russia's campaign to manipulate the result of the election may lead people to the conclusion that Russia manipulated the result of the election.

"Over 81% of Americans didn't even realize it's just one big evolving war in Iraq where we try to fix our mistakes and only seem to make it worse. It's been going on for over a quarter of a century now," reported Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider.

NAGA CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Not everyone is against U.S. President Donald Trump’s  campaign promise and vision to build a great wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. Philippines’ Vice President Leni Robredo like’s Trump’s idea as a way to permanently protect Filipinos living in and around her country’s most active volcano, Mayon. The…

Brian Haldane joins Jeremy White and Sunny Weathers to talk about Bobby Jindal's weak-ass pushups, Woody Jenkins' even weaker radio station, and Lenny Kravitz's solid piece.

Halfway through his self-congratulatory speech, the president paused to award himself the distinguished "Greatest President Ever" medal. He almost blushed when telling the crowd that he was the first and only recipient of the award.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Love continues to blossom between the Filipinos and Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg. First, Facebook launched free Internet in the Philippines in order to enable more Filipinos to have access to important information via their mobile devices. Now, Zuckerberg is providing Filipino netizens with the opportunity to watch the…

The prospect of a Zika virus pandemic has a lot of people worried. That’s why we’re offering five simple steps you can take to avoid contracting Zika.

Punxsutawney PA:
Punxsutawney Phil is a fabled groundhog living in Punxsutawney PA. On February 2 (USA Groundhog Day) each year, the town of Punxsutawney celebrates this legendary groundhog with a festive atmosphere of music, food and drink. During the traditional ceremony, which begins before the winter sunrise, Phil emerges from his temporary home on Gobbler’s Knob, located about two miles from town.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) -ABC News is reporting that President-elect Donald Trump has cancelled a visit to the National African American Museum due to a scheduling conflict.  He was scheduled to visit the museum on Martin Luther King Day. Well, it appears that it is not just the museum visit he is…

Altoona, PA – (SatireWorld.com)

Birthday girl Clara Cowell has proved that it’s never too late to change bad habits. At 102 years old, she finally quit smoking after picking up the habit in 1931. She didn’t quit smoking because of her health which is fine, but finally stopped the habit because her family was worried that falling ash would set her house on fire.

Paul, who suffered a similar attack by his other neighbor three months ago, was reportedly struck repeatedly in the face and bludgeoned with a parcel he had been collecting from his mailbox at the time.

For our August 2005 edition, Chris Fontana submitted an article titled “Apocalypse Live,” which rather accurately foretold (in Chris’ uniquely entertaining style) the devastating effects a major hurricane bearing down on New Orleans would have on his hometown and the rest of South Louisiana.

Time to update that old elephant icon and bring new ideas to the GOP. What better protection can a politician have than "rubbers." Donald will certainly need protection--very soon.

Towers, NYC – (satireworld.com)

President Donald Trump?

It could be in our very near future, but the best part is we’ll have a very attractive first lady who speaks four languages and has forged a successful career in the fashion industry as our First Lady.

Furthermore, foreign leaders will clamor for state visits by our President and his wife.

A bunch of lit classes I have to take (because they make you take them if you’re a communications major, even though I don’t see what literature has to do with communication) have books in them talking about all the irony we have in modern life. And even though some guy said 9-11 was the death of irony I noticed there’s still plenty of it around, especially in college.

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are ending their 13-day marriage, agents for each of the Hollywood stars announced today.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Donald Trump has called CNN "fake news." He accused the news media of lying about the number of people who attended his inauguration.  He even has a few things to say about The Adobo Chronicles. Trump used the platform he knows best -- Twitter -- to fire away his…