Paris – For anyone that was not able to be in Paris during the holiday season to see the exquisite lights, shame on you.  How long are you going to let yourself be the poor bastard that doesn’t treat yourself to the very best in the world?

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump declared he was very afraid U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - will steal his supporters away by offering Americans actual solutions to the issues they are so angry and frustrated about. Trump criticized Sanders for attempting to expose him as the billionaire fraud he actually was, and giving Americans rational alternatives to punitive non-solutions based on hate and fear.

MENLO PARK, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - Mark Zuckerberg is tired of the hoax that has been circulating on Facebook, asking users to share a supposed message that the Facebook founder is giving away $4.5 Million to 1,000 people. Well, if you can't lick 'em, join 'em. That's what Zuckerberg is doing exactly. Today, Zuckerberg announced…

Palm Beach, FL – (satireworld.com)

A list of people who have associated with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein over the years would take in the world of celebrity, science, politics…and now ex-presidents and royalty. Over the past few years, the tea sipping yoga practicing financier has been linked with ex-US President Bill Clinton and a member of the royal family.

God has flooded Hillary Benn's constituency only days after his rowsing Independence Day speech calling for air strikes in Syria, and during the holiest of days of the year when God is about more than normal, notes a man who went to church every day as a child.

DENVER (The Barbed Wire) - Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.

Davenport, IA – Dallas Northcutt and his son, Lucas, decided that an uncharacteristically cold and snowy December day provided a perfect opportunity to get out onto the local hills and go sledding after a great Christmas holiday.  Lucas got his snow pants on, grabbed his sled, and bundled up to get ready for an amazing afternoon.  Dad didn’t grab his sled this time like he normally does.

'It's really important that we give the little children all we can until the war is won,' said Prime Minister David Cameron in his annual message. 'Not that we started it, of course. We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning. Is that right?’

“This may be the most significant blow to X-Mas since Seal Team Soros took out FAO Schwartz.” —General B. Humbug

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles) - A 7-year-old Chihuhua mix has filed a lawsuit in Nevada against an unnamed Las Vegas resort and casino hotel for fraudulent charges on her MasterCard. In the complaint filed today in a Nevada district court, the dog, Robin, said in a sworn statement that she and her owner checked…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the results of a TNA study were released and showed over 67% of Americans were eager for a new ground war in the Middle East, which will initially target the Islamic State (ISIS) before putting Iran in its sights. The hawkish Americans asserted there should always be money for war, and American citizens should have to pay the price of funding the overseas empire with cuts to social safety net programs, education, infrastructure, and healthcare, among many other things.

An estimated 2,000 useless Arizonans were deported from the state this week following the passage of a new law that many complain could lead to profiling and other abuse.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

According to liberal pundits, national figures in the right-wing media have a puzzling habit of attacking Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s hair. They have coupled this with other sexist attacks…For instance, Rush Limbaugh’s description of her as “one of those women you’re happy somebody else married.”
Here's a few current comments about Frizzle-dwarf and her hair….

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas both claimed to be the person who wanted to curb the most civil liberties. The two privately conceded it was critical for the eventual Republican presidential nominee to secure the block of conservative voters that routinely claimed a Democratic president was taking their freedoms away, but enthusiastically volunteered their freedoms to a Republican president while caught up in a nationalistic fervor.

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com)

Whenever you hear the left talk about gun control proposals it’s always in the name of ‘common sense’. So we on the right researched the issue and have come up with Gun Control reform that makes common sense, especially after you examine the data on past gun related murders.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - In a rare show of bi-partisanship, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump today embraced President Barack Obama's plan to deport tens of thousands of undocumented immigrants beginning in January. Undocumented families in the U.S. could be rounded up and deported , according to a report that has shocked immigrants rights’ advocates…

New York NY-(satireworld.com)

General Original Products (GOP) Inc, headquartered in the Trump Towers in Manhattan, has announced that a limited addition of Obama Clocks is now available for sale to the American public.

EAST PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Today, conservative Uncle Dick Goop gave himself immunity from having to provide evidence in support of his political arguments while he attended a Christmas dinner at his mother-in-law's house. Goop, a resident of neighboring Massachusetts, refused to grant such immunity to any of his progressive family members, whom he hounded mercilessly to provide evidence for everything they said.

Once upon a Christmas cheery, while I pondered, slightly bleary,
Over many a quaint and curious bottle of very fine Aberlour
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"Tis Ephram's monkey," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this and nothing more."